How bad can it get?
by InLustWithEC
Summary: Set in New Moon, Bella didn't jump so Alice didn't come back to Forks. Edward felt no need to go to the Volturi. 22 months after they left, Alice is hit with a vision of Bella. It's not pretty. Can she persuade Carlisle to help Bella? Where's Edward?
1. Chapter 1 Alice's Vision

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters, the brilliant Stephenie Meyer does. I just get to play with them a while.

**Alice's POV**

I couldn't understand what I was seeing at first. I knew it was Bella. But where was she? Why was she curled up in a ball? And more importantly why did she look like she was dead? The small square room she was in seemed vaguely familiar and yet I knew that I had never been there before. She was wearing white pants and a white v-neck top, white socks and her hair was in a pony tail, she was lying on a small cot with one or two sheets on it. The walls of the room where all white and even through this vision I could feel the claustrophobia one would get from being in a room such as this. What did this mean? What was happening to Bella? Why wasn't she moving around? As another vision came to me, I slowly began to figure it out. I saw Jasper turn his head to me with a look of confusion and fear on his face……. I began to scream.

"Bella, no! No! No!"

"Carlisle! Carlisle! I need to talk to you."

As Jasper rushed to my side I could see Emmett look at Jasper with a confused look on his face. Jasper told him that I was emitting waves of panic and despair but before he could reach me I was running up the stairs towards Carlisle's office.

"Edward will freak when he hears she is checking up on Bella" Emmett muttered as he shook his head and went back to his video game. Rose just rolled her eyes and continued flicking through the fashion magazine she was reading.

"Alice?" Carlisle asked his head cocked to one side "What's going on? Is there a problem?" he continued asking as he walked towards me with his arms outstretched.

I ran into them, knowing I looked terror stricken. I was trembling and let him hold me for a second as I gathered my thoughts. I felt a pain deep in my chest and I knew that if it were possible my heart would be breaking right now. It had been 22 months, 5 days, 11 hours and 34 minutes since Bella's birthday incident. It had been just 22 months, 5 days, 9 hours and 13 minutes since I last saw my friend. It had been 22 months, 2 days, 3 hours and 2 minutes since I last saw Edward though I had spoken to him since then. As these thoughts were whirling around in my head I felt the need to take deep breaths, which is absurd as vampires don't need to breathe.

"It's about Bella! We need to go back" I blurted out. Carlisle interrupted me before I could say anymore. Placing a finger on my lip so I wouldn't say anything more he turned to Jasper released me into his arms and walked into his office.

"Alice, you know why we can't interfere with Bella's future. Edward made it clear that the decision to leave her alone was his and his alone to make. We, as a family need to respect that decision, no matter what we might want to happen unless Edward chooses to be with Bella, we cannot interfere." He sat down behind his desk and looked at me; his stare seemed to bore right through me. "I know you cannot control your visions, but you really must try to stop looking for Bella. You are only making things harder for yourself. I know you cared for her, I know you loved her like a sister and how difficult it was for you to leave her in Forks. It was hard for all of us, but we really need to let her be." He sighed, and then leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes and I knew he was thinking of the past.

"But you don't understand Carlisle…." I whispered. He looked up at me, his eyes harder somehow and his voice had authority when he next spoke.

"Alice, please. For Edward's sake, and for Bella, you need to let this go" he said, "and think about Esme. She left behind a daughter in Forks. This is upsetting to her too; please don't talk about Bella in front of her it hurts her too much and I don't want to see her hurt anymore than she already is."

There was silence. It may have lasted a second, a minute or an hour. I don't really know. I just stood there, trying to think of what to say, how to say the words I had to say. Carlisle was my father, I had nothing but love and respect for him, and I had never gone against his wishes, but this time was different, and I couldn't let it go, I had to try.

"Carlisle please! Just listen to me! If after I tell you what I saw you choose to stay and do nothing then so be it. But just so you know, with or without you I **will **be leaving for Forks tonight. Regardless of what Edward says, and no matter what anyone else does I have to go, I have to try and save her. If I do nothing and she dies then I die too…" my voice broke as I said that. I knew Jasper felt the emotions from me and he hugged me closer to him, kissing my head and whispering soothing sounds in my ears. I could feel the wave of calm he sent to me. But it also made my determination stronger. I clenched my fist, snapped my head up and looked Carlisle in the eye "Will you at least listen to me?"

He sighed, nodded his head and gestured for Jasper and me to sit. We did and I began to talk about what I saw and what I thought it had meant.

**Authors Note:** Please review and let me know what you think about my story.


	2. Chapter 2 Resolution

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own the Twilight characters, but I'd like to.

**Jasper's POV**

I was a little shocked to hear my love say that she was planning on defying Carlisle. Even if I couldn't feel the panic coming off of her in waves, that the statement of her defiance said so much to me. Never, in all the years that we had been part of this family had Alice ever questioned Carlisle's authority and yet for her to be so adamant I knew this was serious. I listened with dread as Alice began to explain what she had seen.

"Carlisle" she began, "Since we left Forks I stopped deliberately looking for Bella. You know that right?" Carlisle nodded. "Sometimes though, flashes of her future would come to me and I would do my best to switch them off. I saw her curled up in a ball on the forest floor sobbing as she screamed for Edward to come back, I saw here cry herself into exhaustion over us leaving and I did nothing. I know it's been difficult for her and I know that even a couple of months after we left she hadn't improved. He broke her heart when he left and I don't think she will ever heal from that. For the last 20 months I haven't seen anything at all until now. Something is wrong Carlisle! Something is seriously wrong!"

I pulled her closer to me; I could feel her terror and her sadness hit me. If Alice could cry a flood of tears would be rolling off her beautiful face. Instead I could hear the dry sobs and with each noise she made my own anguish grew. I hated not knowing what was causing so much pain in Alice. How could I fix what was wrong if I didn't know what the problem was? I pulled her even closer and planted soft kisses on her head at the same time I growled softly to her in the way I knew she liked. I sent out waves of calm to her time after time. It seemed like hours before Alice spoke again.

"Bella is sick. Really sick. She is locked in a room. I think it's a room in a hospital. I'm not sure what's happening though as sometimes the vision goes away. Even though I try to look for her, I can't see her all the time, it's like there is something blocking me. And I've tried to look for Charlie and I can't see into his future either and it scared me Carlisle. I just don't understand it. Bella isn't moving, she just lies there, curled into the fetal position and staring into space. It's not like her Carlisle, something is seriously wrong with her. And I get the sense of danger when I look at her and yet I don't know why but I can't just ignore it. I need to go to her. Can you please understand? Don't be too angry with me. Please? She is my sister. I love her. No matter what Edward does this isn't about him. It's about Bella. I need to find out what's happened."

I could feel Alice collapse into my arms, I felt the sigh before I heard it. Still trembling Alice looked at Carlisle, waiting for his reaction and yet not sure what that reaction would be.

"Can you try now Alice? Look for Bella and tell me if you can see anything" Carlisle said, his hands clasped on his desk.

"I'll try" she replied.

I felt Alice tense up and could feel the determination coming from her. I could almost see how her eyes would be glazed over as she tried to focus. She was still for such a long time. Scared to distract her I stopped breathing, even though it was uncomfortable. Both Carlisle and I focused on Alice, neither saying a word, neither moving. Just waiting.

I felt Alice shudder and I knew that either the vision was complete, or she had given up trying.

"Bella hasn't moved, a Doctor was there, I saw him inject her with something and Bella didn't even flinch! Another person entered the room, perhaps a nurse? And then… everything became fuzzy and I couldn't get the picture back. It's like there is something there stopping me." Alice moved further into me, removing all space between us. My arms wrapped around her and I squeezed her closer trying to expel every molecule that was separating us.

Carlisle tapped his pen on his desk. "Alice? I understand how you feel and I promise I won't try to stop you leaving. In fact you have my blessing but I need to ask something of you before you go."

"Ok" she hesitantly replied.

"Let me make some phone calls to my colleagues in Forks and see if I can find out any information first. I think…" Carlisle began

"No matter what you find out, it's not stopping me! I'm still going back!" Alice shouted, interrupting Carlisle.

"I understand. I just want to make sure we know all the facts first. Perhaps there is something we can do from here as you are traveling." Carlisle picked up the phone and dialed a number. We waited. "May I speak to Dr. Gerandy, please?" he paused. "Dr Carlisle Cullen" and then silence again. Each second seemed to last forever and I couldn't help but notice the way the dust motes flew across the windows gently in a breeze not even I could feel.

"Dr. Gerandy! Dr. Cullen here, how are you? Good glad to hear that. I'm sorry to call you while you are on duty, but I have been trying, without success to get a hold of Chief Swan, do you happen to know if he has gone out of town?"

Carlisle's stance didn't change in any way, his facial expressions remained the same and yet he couldn't hide the change of emotion from me. He was devastated! As he listened on his emotions would flicker from grief, disbelief, pain anger and back to grief. Alice and I could only hear one side of the conversation and we knew it wasn't good but had to wait until he had hung up before we would find out the whole story. When he finished by saying someone would be there by tomorrow morning I knew that Alice had just received his blessing to leave.

Surprising me, Carlisle ran past as and shouted as he was descending the stairs for us to follow him. He had to talk to everyone. We all met in the family room.

"Turn off the game Emmett. I need everyone to focus right now" Carlisle began. "There has been a terrible tragedy in Forks. There was some sort of attack in the forest on the outskirts of town. A few people were killed and Bella seems to be the only survivor of the attack but she is catatonic and is being held in the hospital under observation."

"What about Charlie?" Alice cried, her body trembling with apprehension; needing to know the answer, and yet at the same time not sure if she wanted to hear the reply.

"No-one knows. He is considered MIA and the forks police as well as the men of La Push are all looking for him." Carlisle reached out to Alice and patted her hand gently. At the same time Esme and I tried to embrace her, as if to shield her from the news. We all knew that Alice had bonded with Charlie and he was another member of her family, another person she had loved and had been forced to leave behind.

"Here is what I need from you." Carlisle continued. "Jasper? I need you to go to Seattle and meet with Mr. Jenks. As you heard, I told Dr. Gerandy that we have the legal documents to prove that Charlie made me executor of his estate and legal guardian for Bella should something happen to her. Even though Bella is now of age, her mental capacity at this time has forced the hospital to admit her under observation. This is the only way we can be there for her and be her family again." I nodded, I was glad to be doing something useful and Seattle wasn't far from Forks for me.

"Emmett? Rosalie? I need you to go to Brazil and track down Edward. Don't tell him anything over the phone, talk to him in person, make him listen to you and then meet us all in Forks"

"Got it! It's about time you gave me permission to slap his head and drag him back to Bella. Thanks! I won't let you down!" Emmett replied and then clicking his heels he saluted our father. Trust him to try and lighten the mood. Rosalie just nodded.

"Esme, Alice and I will be going straight to Forks to find out exactly what happened, what is going on with Bella and why Alice is having trouble seeing Bella on command." As he said that everyone looked to Alice with shock on their faces. She just shrugged and said "Let's go! I'll book the flights, everyone get packed we will be leaving here in 15 minutes tops! I meant it! Let's go!"

And with that we all ran to our rooms to pack the essentials we would need for our travels.

**Authors Note:** please review!


	3. Chapter 3 Return To Forks

**Disclaimer:** Sadly I haven't figured out a way yet to own these characters, I just get to play with them for a wee while.

**Esme's POV**

When I think of all our family has been through, I find it unfair that we are taxed with yet another crisis. Haven't we been through enough? Haven't we hurt enough? Didn't our separation from my daughter 2 years ago cause enough pain in the family? Why must we be put through this anguish?

My poor Bella. Who knows what happened to her to cause such deep pain that she feels the need to create a barrier to cut herself off from reality? And what will Edward make of this? He is barely hanging on as it is. I don't need to have special powers to know how much he is hurting. The few times Carlisle and I have seen him since we left Forks have been unbearable for us all. I just want to hug him close to me and soothe him and tell him that everything will be alright. But how can I? Until he realizes that Bella is his soul mate and they must be together his pain will not diminish. What if he has left it too late? No! I must not think that way. It cannot be too late. Edward needs Bella. Bella belongs to Edward. My family will be complete again.

Rosalie and Emmett were waiting at Newark Airport for the first leg of their international flight to Curitiba, Brazil. Alice had seen Edward in Santa Maria and Cascavel. She had also seen him diving into a waterfall which could possibly be Iguassu Falls. Alice had warned Emmett that Edward seemed wilder in this vision; his clothes in rags; his face smeared with dirt and grime. She felt that he hadn't spoken to anyone in a long time and his eyes looked desolate, lacking all emotion. Warning Emmett to go gently on Edward we had left Rosalie and Emmett with a promise to call as soon as we were settled back in Forks and had seen Bella.

"Hug the squirt from me. Tell her I'm bringing her back her own Grizzly Bear to tame, and that she better get her lazy butt out of bed now or I will allow my Rose to take her for some "alone time" and we all know that wouldn't be a good idea….OW! Rose stop" he whined as he rubbed the back of his head "it's not like I'm saying anything we don't already know. You terrify her and you take pleasure in knowing that you do. Don't pretend like you don't Rose….. aww Rose, don't take away my ear plugs! How else am I going to prevent the pressure from building up in my ears? You know you won't allow me to chew gum." He pouted and we all laughed. Yet again Emmett had managed to break the tension.

Even though Emmett was cheery on the outside and Rosalie acted indifferent, deep down they were both worried for Bella and for Edward. This not knowing what had happened was torture for us all. Bella was family. If someone wanted to hurt a Cullen, they had to go through all of us. Although….. part of me couldn't help but wonder if we were the ones that had hurt Bella. Every day I questioned our choice to just leave without any goodbyes and of staying away without any communication. When we left Bella, we left behind the heart of our family. A heart that we didn't realize we were missing until it was gone. Edward was the first to leave the family, but others were not far behind them. Rose and Emmett were the only ones that would go away on their own. But this time Jasper and Alice left too. It was like our whole family circle was broken. The few times we had been together as a family, minus Edward and Bella, there was always something there, not tangible but still a barrier between us. Certain topics were off limits, certain names could not be spoken and I don't even remember the last time I heard Alice or Jasper laugh! Emmett would always try to lighten the atmosphere with a joke, but sometimes, the laugh would sound so false it hurt just to hear it. He loved being a big brother to Bella and as much as he made fun of her for her humanistic tendencies he would kill for her. He HAD killed for her when James got too close in Phoenix. He was anxious to find out who was responsible for Bella's current condition so that he could make them pay as only Emmett could do best. With violence.

"Oh Carlisle! Why does this plane ride seem so long?" I sighed and moved my body towards him. His hand reached for mine, drawing my hand to his mouth he kissed my fingertips and then wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"I love you Esme, everyday I thank God for sending you to me. I cannot imagine how desolate my existence would be without you" he eyes were soft and gentle as he whispered this to me.

"I love you too Carlisle." I moved my head so that I could see his eyes. His head lowered to mine and his lips found mine, feather light kisses meant to reassure me soon deepened and the tension seemed to dissolve as his hands brushed my hips, moving up and around my back before resting in my hair. As his lips left mine I felt his hands brushing my cheek, my head automatically moved so that his hand caressed my cheek, his thumb rubbing along my jaw line to my ear. With one final kiss on my nose he squeezed me gently then returned to looking out the window.

I thought of all the things I would need to do to get our house livable again. Not that a Vampire requires the same creature comforts as a human would, but we liked to keep up our charade. Alice had already called the cleaning crew we used for spring cleaning etc. and they were at the house now removing dust cloths, cleaning the fireplaces, making up the beds etc. The furniture was still intact and although many of our favorite pieces were now in Rochester, NY, we would have enough basic furniture to live quite nicely until we decided if we were staying in Forks. I wondered what we would do with Bella. We had many extra rooms in our home. There was a whole suite on the third floor beside Edward's room, Alice and I could furnish this nicely for her. But what if she didn't want to be with us? What if she turned her back on us as we had done to her before? What if she no longer loved us? I couldn't blame her, afterall what we did was reprehensible and yet, at the time, Edward felt so strongly that we had no choice. When would I get the answers that I so craved? When would my family be complete again? And happy. I want them all to be happy.

"It's time love, we will be landing in 5 minutes." Carlisle's voice interrupted my musings. I quickly gathered my small purse and waited as we landed and taxied the runway before pulling into the hanger used by private planes at SeaTac airport. It took only a few minutes for us to disembark and then walk at a human pace to the rental waiting for us outside the field. From here Jasper would go straight to the offices of Mr. Jenks in Seattle as we were returning to Forks. Alice had chosen to come with us even though Carlisle had given her the option of going with Jasper. Alice wanted to see Bella and did not intend to wait any longer that was absolutely necessary to do so.

As we sped towards Forks in the rented Mercedes I looked at my daughter and sighed. She looked so miserable and anxious. "Alice, please don't upset yourself anymore by trying to force a vision of Bella. I know it's disconcerting for you to not be able to see her right now, but we will be there in less than 10 minutes and then you will see her in the flesh." Alice glanced up as I spoke to her, with a look of abject misery on her face. I could see her tiny frame tremble, so slightly it would have been invisible to a human eye, but not to me. "I'm sorry honey, I know how upset you are. Just know that you are going to be here for her now. That's all that matters. There is no point in dredging up the past, just focus on the here and now. She needs us now. Bella needs **you** now and you came. That's what is important."

"I know" she whispered. "I'm scared. I can't see anything and when I think of us going into the hospital then everything disappears, not just Bella. What does that mean Carlisle? Have you heard of this before?"

"I have not. But it is not necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, we are here now and I think…. Yes Dr. Gerandy is in his office let's go there first" he replied as he parked the car and swiftly moved around the front of the car to open the door for me and Alice.

"Thanks dad" Alice said as he hugged her as she passed him. Taking my hand Carlisle began the agonizingly slow walk towards the main entrance of the hospital. Stopping abruptly he lifted his face to the wind.

"Werewolves! There are werewolves close by" he muttered. "I wonder what brought them so close to Forks? Where did they come from? I wonder……" he drifted off as a human approached us and then walked by us.

"Is that what that stench is? Urgh! It smells like wet dog!" Alice said.

By the time we reached Dr. Gerandy's office, his secretary had already received a faxed copy of the proof that Carlisle was the executor of Charlie's estate and the legal guardian for Bella. We sat in his office as he began to tell us what he knew of Bella's fate.

"I was called to forest trail just past the Swan residence on Friday evening. When I arrived, the police had already taped up the house. As far as we can tell, a large bear entered the house through the back door into the Kitchen. Phil was mauled first, his main artery in his neck was severed and he bled to death in a matter of minutes."

We all gasped. We hadn't known that anyone other than Bella and Charlie had been involved. "But if Phil was there, then Renee was there too? Where is she? Is she ok?" Alice asked her voice trembling as she asked.

Dr. Gerandy looked to Carlisle, who nodded before continuing. "The police found a body about a half mile up the trail. This body we know is female, but has been mutilated beyond all recognition. We think it has to be Renee as she is the only one we know, other than Charlie who is missing. Dental records are being sent to us from Jacksonville so that we can either identify the remains of Renee or continue to look for her as part of the search going on. Charlie is still missing. Blood was found in the kitchen near some broken glass that matches his, but his body has not been found. We assume that the Bear dragged him away into the forest but we cannot find the trail. The heavy rains last night have only made the search harder." As he said that I saw Alice fold into herself. I went to her and wrapped my arms around her. Rocking her back and forth I whispered words of comfort to her. Her body heaved with dry sobs as her mind tried to grasp the fact that Charlie was gone.

"Charlie! Oh no, not Charlie!" she cried, "Please mum don't let it be true, not Charlie." Her tiny body trembled so hard I felt her teeth chatter. I hated whatever animal had caused this pain. I felt an anger begin to build inside and I wanted to scream but I knew I couldn't. The decibels I would reach would be enough o shatter the eardrums of everyone inside the hospital building.

"What happened to Bella?" Carlisle asked.

The silence in the room was deafening and time seemed to stand still as we waited for Dr. Gerandy to respond.

"Bella seems to have received little in the way of physical trauma. She has some lacerations to her hands and face all superficial and will heal nicely, some bruising on her ribs and shoulder. However, we assume that she saw what happened to her parents as she was found at the scene catatonic. Curled into the fetal position, she was rocking herself back and forth and mumbling to herself. The words we can make out don't make much sense; things like monster, he came back, he needs to finish it now are all things we have heard her say. She mentions Edward a lot but nothing more. When we ask what happened she just shudders and moans. We have been trying unsuccessfully for the past two days to break through to her. She has retreated deep into her mind and this seems to be the only way she can cope from the horrors she has experienced. When she first arrived she was in an apathetic state and her joints were rigid. However, she now has a waxy flexibility and so our nurses have been moving her joints to avoid the build up of lactic acid. However we still cannot get her to speak. As she will not eat we have been forced to attach an IV drip so that she remains hydrated and receives the nutrients she needs to survive." Dr. Gerandy sighed, "I'm sorry that we have been reunited in such dire circumstances. Would you like to see Bella now? Or would you prefer to talk to the police first?"

"Bella!"

"If you don't mind, we would like to visit Bella first."

Alice and Carlisle both answered at once.

"Of course, if you would just follow me. Normally we would only allow one person in the room at any given time, but I am willing to make an exception for you."

"Thank you Dr. Gerandy, I am sure you understand our need to see Bella."

"I do. I am actually hoping that maybe you will be able to break through the barrier she has erected in her mind. I hope she will respond to you in a way she hasn't to anyone else."

"Me too" Alice whispered.

As we entered her room my eyes were immediately drawn to Bella's body. She looked so frail and thin. It looked like she had eaten properly in months. Could someone lose so much weight in just a few days? I didn't think it would be possible. Her eyes were open but they were vacant looking, staring at the white wall in front of her Bella seemed oblivious to everything around her. She was chanting "Edward, Edward" over and over again, so low that a human wouldn't be able to decipher what she was saying but I did.

Alice ran to Bella and tried to wrap her small arms around her body. Bella's body remained unresponsive and Alice drew back slightly "Bella?" she said. "It's me, Alice. I missed you. Can you look at me? I want to hug you. Bella, please? Can you talk to me? I understand if you hate me or are mad at me but I love you." With each sentence Alice's voice became more distraught and more hushed. Bella remained unchanged and continued to stare at the wall. However she began to tremble, ever so slightly making it clear she was aware of our presence.

Carlisle dropped down in front of Bella, so his eyes were level with hers. Raising his hand, he swept a piece of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ears. Her eyes flickered, again the movement so minute I doubt Dr. Gerandy noticed, her heart rate quickened for a few seconds before resuming it's normal rhythm. "Bella?" he said gently, "I know you are scared. It is hard to face your fears but I know you can do it. You have shown me so many times how fearless you can be. I need you to be fearless now and come back to us. We need to know what happened. Can you tell me?"

There was silence as we waited for any response. Bella's eyes flickered and then focused directly on Carlisle rather than looking past him. He smiled warmly at her but remained silent. Bella frowned, her eyes seemed to widen and she gasped. Her whole body began to violently shake. "Noooooooooooooooooooooo….." she screamed. You could see her legs twitch and she tried to move away from Carlisle at first and then she seemed to relax slightly. Her heartbeat, which has began to race erratically slowly began to form a more steady pattern and I noticed small beads of sweat form on her forehead. Her scent became more pronounced and seemed to be mixed with something. Was it fear? Did I smell fear on Bella?

Once Bella had begun to breathe normally again Carlisle continued to speak. "Bella, relax. We are here to help you. No-one will harm you, you are safe now. Can you tell me what happened?" he asked.

You could see Bella hesitate, her body remained tense but she was no longer in a sate of apathy, she was aware of her surroundings and was debating on whether or not to say anything.

"Alice?" she croaked. "Is that you?"

Pushing her way back to the bed Alice hugged Bella as much as she could. From my position at the foot of the bed, I saw Bella breathe in the scent of Alice, sigh and then slowly a single tear trickled from her left eye. Alice gently took her hand and pressed it to her cheek. "Bella, I'm so sorry for leaving you. Please don't hate me. I missed you so much." Alice's voice broke and she looked to the floor.

Bella squeezed her hand. "I don't" she whispered, then stopped. Her eyes swept the small room, taking in the occupants. Her eyes stopped at Dr Gerandy and she frowned.

"Carlisle, it seems Bella is comfortable with you and your family here. I think I will leave you alone for a few minutes. If you could please come to my office once you are through here there are some things we need to discuss."

"Of course, I will be along in a few minutes" Carlisle replied, nodding his head.

Once Dr. Gerandy left the room, Carlisle resumed his position in front of Bella. "Bella, what can you tell me about the events of Friday night?" he asked.

"I…..I can't……." she stuttered, her eyes wildly flicking from each of us before resting on Alice. Her heartbeat increased again and I could see her begin to shake. Alice began to run one hand up and down her arm in a comforting motion. Bella's grip tightened on her other hand. The tears began to flow down her face and what little color she had in face quickly drained. I heard her heart miss a beat before she said "He did it. He came back."

"I don't understand Bella, who came back?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward" she whispered and then her eyes closed and she began to sob.

**Author's note:** I really do appreciate your reviews. Reviews motivate me to update quicker hint hint I have only 13 reviews total and yet over 700 people have read what I have written so far. Please let me know what you think


	4. Chapter 4 Blackness

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own any Twilight characters.

**Bella's POV**

"Edward, Edward Edward". I repeated to myself. It was my mantra, my battle cry. I couldn't believe he had come back, that he had wreaked such havoc. I feared him and at the same time I still loved him. It no longer mattered that he didn't want me, that he was fed up pretending to be human. Even though I had been trying to fool myself these past months into thinking I could survive without him, the minute I heard his sweet velvet voice I knew I was only fooling myself. I no longer wanted to be in a world where he was not. I could hear voices, but they were too far away, too indistinct. I didn't care to listen, I was scared to focus on the voices in case I lost my Edward again. As long as I stayed this way, he would stay with me, just outside my peripheral vision but there just the same.

I had heard him. "Bella, my love……...I have come back for you" he had said just two days ago. My heart stopped beating the minute I heard that hypnotic voice and my whole body gravitated towards him in the kitchen. I had not heard him enter the house, but then I never could hear him unless he wanted me too. I was surprised that he chose to enter through the kitchen, not to mention the fact he had appeared in front my family, especially Charlie who hated him, instead of in private with just me but I reasoned he probably wasn't sure of my reaction to him. How silly that seemed to me. Didn't he realize that he was the love of my life? That I had no choice other than to love him unconditionally? He had stolen my heart many months ago when we first met and time hadn't changed the way I felt about him. I could only hope that he felt the same way and this time he would stay.

My feet couldn't carry me to him fast enough! I wanted to feel him, to touch him, to breathe him, to hold him. My heart was pounding in my chest as I ran from the family room. I wasn't paying attention to where I was stepping and so tripped on the edge of the area rug. Bracing myself for impact I closed my eyes and gasped. But I never did hit the floor. Instead I felt cool arms around me, holding me tightly, saving me yet again. How typical, I couldn't even have a romantic reunion without spoiling it with my clumsiness.

I heard a chuckle behind me, and as he began to shift my body, righting me on my feet I heard him say "Bella, my Bella, what am I to do with you?" as I began to turn my head to face him I felt a sharp pain in my side and then nothing. Just blackness.

I woke up in the hospital, confused with my surroundings. I could hear Alice's voice but it was fuzzy to me. I frowned slightly, unable to move my limbs. I was worried that perhaps something was seriously wrong with me. Had Edward been unable to save me from causing myself damage? My head was buzzing, my limbs felt….well they didn't feel like much of anything at all, was I dead? What was happening? Suddenly I was struck with an unbelievable pain. It felt like my body had been torn in two. I was crumbling to pieces inside and yet I didn't think my body was moving. I heard Carlisle's voice asking me what happened. What did he mean what happened. Hadn't Edward explained? Where was he anyway? Had he left me again? Oh please please please don't say he left me. Had my clumsiness made him realize he had made a mistake to return? "Noooooooooooooooooooo…" I screamed. I didn't want him to leave. He had come back! He told me he had come back for me. That meant he would stay with me this time. Didn't it? I wasn't mistaken! I couldn't be! I refused to believe he would change his mind so quickly. And yet….. somewhere in the back of my mind there was a memory I couldn't quite see, but it carried a feeling of dread, one of abject horror. Think Bella! What happened? Why are you so scared? These thoughts were spinning through my head as I heard Carlisle ask "Bella, relax. We are here to help you. No-one will harm you, you are safe now. Can you tell me what happened?"

So Edward hadn't told him anything. That seemed strange to me. I tried to focus on Carlisle and slowly his features took shape. He hadn't changed since I last saw him, which surprised me, until I realized of course he wouldn't change. Silly Bella! He was a vampire and frozen forever with the perfect features he had.

My eyes seemed too heavy to move. But I had heard Alice before, or at least I thought I had. "Alice?" I croaked. "Is that you?" She hugged me and I breathed in her scent, her sweet exquisite scent. I inhaled deeply and slowly a feeling of calmness surrounded me. It felt like a small sliver of the hole in my heart was being repaired. I'm sure Jasper must have been close, even though I couldn't hear him, because of the calmness that filled me when I breathed in Alice's scent. Placing her hand on my cheek Alice continued "Bella, I'm so sorry for leaving you. Please don't hate me. I missed you so much." My heart skipped a beat when I heard her say that. On the one hand I was so happy to have her back, but at the same time, she had left me too, with no warning, no goodbye and no contact since. But now was not the time to bring that up. Hopefully I would get a chance to talk to her later. I had to reassure her things were ok. I didn't hate her, I never had. I just missed her and was hurt that she had left me. "I don't" I whispered to her.

It took me all the energy I had to move my head and my eyes but I had to see Edward. I didn't understand why he wasn't right beside me. I searched the room, Esme! Oh I was so glad to see her, but why did she look so distraught? Did I look that bad? Had I missed something? And why was Dr Gerandy staring at me with shock on his face? And where was everyone else? I mean I felt calm when I hugged Alice so surely Jasper was here, and Emmett? He would be here too, they all would. Ok perhaps Rosalie wouldn't care enough to visit me but Emmett for sure would. And why wasn't Edward here? I glanced again at Esme and my heart filled with fear. Something had happened to Edward! That was what my mind was keeping from me. He had returned to me and then something bad must have happened. That was why I was here in this hospital bed and that was why Esme, Alice and Carlisle all looked so sad. I could hear Carlisle and Dr Gerandy talking but I wasn't paying any attention to what they were saying, I was concentrating on what I could and couldn't remember. Where was Edward? Why couldn't I remember? And why was there an IV in my arm?

Carlisle's face appeared before mine "Bella, what can you tell me about the events of Friday night?" he asked me. Could I? Did I want to? Why was I suddenly so afraid?

"I…..I can't……." I stuttered. I could feel myself begin to panic, my heart began to race and I felt the blackness starting to creep around the edge of my vision. FOCUS Bella! Think…. What do you remember? I could feel someone caressing my arm, it had a slight calming affect and even though I felt much weaker now and oh so scared I could breathe again. I tightened my grasp on the cool hand I was holding, trying to focus all my fear into that one hand so that I could concentrate on remembering….. Edward……his cool arms around me……feeling so happy……feeling loved….. and then….? Nothing! Just blackness, and the unexplainable feeling of dread. Something was there, something else had happened, but what?

Blood! I remember blood, and someone was hurt! He did it! He caused it! He did this! I felt the tears escape and pour down my face, my heart seemed to stop as I said "He did it. He came back." I felt like I was betraying him, but why? I still didn't understand. Why couldn't I remember?

"I don't understand Bella, who came back?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward." It was all I managed to say before I began to lose control. I allowed the grief I felt to overwhelm me. My body ached as the sobs began to rack my body. But who was I crying for? The person whose blood had been split? Edward for leaving me alone again? Or for me? I didn't know the answer yet.

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	5. Chapter 5 My Past

**Authors Note:** Sadly, Stephenie Meyer still owns all things Twilight. I am just "playing" with the characters. I need to give a BIG thank you to Juliett Dawson, who beta's this story and makes sure I don't use "and so" in every statement. She has some great stories out there, you need to go check them out!

**Bella's POV**

As the room around me began to fade I felt myself falling back to a time when I was happier, when I was loved, when I had him and I felt complete.

It never made any sense to me for him to want me. He was a god – and me? A mere mortal. He would always tell me that he wasn't good enough for me, that he was a monster and I should stay away from him. I'd laugh at that, but at the same time I'd hurt inside every time he called himself names Why couldn't he see how wonderful he really was? How could someone so good think he was so bad?

Then he left me and took away my heart. I was broken, unable to function without him. All my insecurities came rushing back; I was ugly, plain, boring, not good enough for anyone, incapable of being a friend to anyone, incapable of love, incapable of even caring. The first few months after he left were just a blur to me. I knew I was alive only because I could hear my heart continuing to beat as well as the air expel from my lips.

Inside I was dead. I no longer cared for anything that would remind me of him; music was the first thing I abandoned; I couldn't face looking at the fancy stereo system in my truck so I tore it out, my books that we had spent hours debating over had to go. I only ate because I knew Charlie would ship me back to Renee if I didn't. He had tried that after the first few weeks, but I refused to go. I couldn't leave! Even though I knew it was pathetic, I couldn't leave behind the memories I had of him. I was scared that if I went to Florida, where the sun was that Edward wouldn't seem so real anymore.

I became reckless once I realized that my rebellion would cause my heart to soar as his velvety voice would call to me. It was only then that I could believe that he still cared, that he was real and that he still loved me. As my stunts became more ridiculous his voice became angrier, and I would feel more alive.

Jacob became the only warmth in my otherwise cold, dead existence. I knew that his feelings for me were stronger than those I felt for him. He was my brother, my best friend and for a while, my sun. I felt safe with him, protected, and even loved. I knew I was being selfish by trying to hold on to him, when I knew I would never love him the way he wanted me to. He kept telling me that he knew how I felt and that his feelings for me were _his_ problem. The times I tried to move away from our friendship he refused to let me go.

Last May our relationship changed forever. Jake's sister came home from college with her friend Juliett. Jake took one look at Juliett and he was a goner and they soon got engaged and started to build their future together. Luckily Juliett understood that I was an important part of Jake's life, and she never tried to make Jake choose between me or her. She was confident enough in Jake's love for her that his best friend being a girl didn't faze her for a second. I liked Juliett and I was grateful that the feelings Jake had for her were quickly reciprocated. They were a great couple and I couldn't wait for their wedding.

"Bella, thanks for coming, I need to talk to you" he said.

"Jake? What's wrong? You look weird" I replied.

He blushed, shuffled his feet and then looked up at me with a shit eating grin on his face. He was radiant! "It happened Bella! It happened to me!" he began to gush, telling me all about how he felt when he walked into the room and was immediately drawn to Juliett. I had heard about imprinting before when Jake tried to explain to me about Sam and Emily and I immediately knew what he was talking about.

"Oh Jake! I am so happy for you. So when do I get to meet her? Does she know about me? Will she make you leave me? Oh! Does Billy know?" I stopped when he hugged me.

"Juliett? Can you come out here? Bella's here" he said turning his head around. The minute Juliett appeared in the doorway I knew Jake had forgotten I was even there. The smile on his face was amazing to see, he had such a look of awe and you could never doubt the depth of the love that was emanating from him. I must admit I felt a twinge of jealousy, because as much as he had always declared how much he cared for me, I knew he had never looked at me that way.

Juliett was standing shyly on the doorstep of the Black's home. She was taller than I was, but not much. She was also more womanly that I was and I immediately glanced down at my non-existent figure and compared us both. She won in the curves hands down! With sun kissed blonde hair framing her face, she had the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. When she looked at Jake she blushed and then mirrored the look of love he had on his face. This felt right. I was happy for them.

"It's nice to meet you, Juliett. I'm Bella" I said extending my hand.

Grasping my hand she nodded her head "Likewise Bella, I'm Juliett. Jake has told me a lot about you" she smiled at me warmly then looked at Jake.

Over the next couple of months I became good friends with Juliett. It was nice having a girlfriend again that I didn't have to keep secrets from. She knew all about the werewolves and the vampires, and I didn't have to watch what I said in front of her. But she wasn't Alice. Sometimes, late at night, my heart would break again not just for Edward, but for Alice too, and I couldn't help but feel abandoned all over again by the Cullens.

Juliett was quick to make it clear I was family and would always be welcome, but I found myself spending less time in La Push as it was hard to be around so many couples in love without feeling torn apart inside. I didn't crumble on the outside this time. The pain of separation from Jake wasn't as bad as before - I knew I had lived through worse. Besides, Jake and Juliett were still close by and I could see them whenever I wanted to.

When the pack began to pick up the scent of vampires in the area, my heart jumped. Had he….. could I even begin to think?… No, I couldn't even finish the sentence in case I jinxed myself. The pack found and destroyed one of the vampires. It wasn't anyone I knew, and it wasn't a vegetarian vampire either, but I couldn't help but feel sad. Even though I had refused to think things through, somewhere, deep inside my heart longed for it to be him.

Now that Jake was spending all his time with Juliett, I threw myself into my studies. I got good grades, enough to get me a full scholarship to the University of Alaska. Even though it hurt every time I thought about why I chose this university at first, I couldn't even think of applying anywhere else.

Graduation from Forks High School was uneventful for me. Angela gave a rousing speech as the Valedictorian but I barely paid any attention. Charlie, Billy, Jake and Juliett were there to cheer me on, and I couldn't help but blush violently when my name was called and Jake screamed louder than anyone else had.

My freshman year in Alaska was nothing to write home about. I ate, slept, went to class and studied. I had a full scholarship my room and board was all paid for, however, I soon found I needed something else to keep me busy. I was working part time at the bookstore on campus more for something to do than the mere six fifty an hour it gave me. I ignored all attempts from my peers to rush a sorority, or to go to frat parties. I didn't date, I didn't go out with friends, and my only focus was my studies.

I didn't mind my solitary existence; I liked it. I was never one who needed to be surrounded by tons of friends; I was comfortable in my own company. I began slowly to read again and though the classics that reminded me so much of him were off limits for me. It still hurt too much to think of him, or any of them. On rainy days I'd cry, and when the thunder struck I'd wonder if he was close by playing baseball. I'd have to force myself to stop thinking like that.

Sunny days were few and far between in Alaska, and those days were the only ones that brought me a respite from my heartache because those were the only days that I knew I definitely would not see him, those were the only days that my heart would not beat furiouisly each time I saw a bronzed hair figure in front of me.

My dreams of him never faded- in fact they became more vivid, more disturbing as the months passed. I was glad to have a single dorm room on campus as I would have felt sorry for anyone having to try and sleep in the same room as me. I'd wake up sobbing for him, knowing it was useless to scream; he wouldn't hear me, he wouldn't come back. I was alone. Still.

"Bella my love" he called to me in my dream. I could feel his cold hard body mold around mine, I could hear his voice as he hummed my lullaby to me and then just as quickly as he appeared he would be violently pulled away from me. My body would jolt with the shock of losing him and I would wake screaming for him. Time hadn't changed how I felt for him. I was ruined for any other man.

I gasped as I realized that the Cullens weren't really back,that this was just another cruel dream. There was no Alice, there was no Carlisle, there was just me. Me and my imagination. I could feel the hole in my heart tremble and start to throb; the pain was much more intense that I had felt in a long time. I began to sob.

"Bella, wake up. Oh please wake up!" she said "Carlisle can't you do something? She is in distress, listen to her heart!"

The darkness was slipping away again but I didn't want it to leave. I was scared to come back, but scared of what?

"I can't see anything Carlise! Help her! Her whole future has just disappeared!" Alice's voice became more hysterical with every second. I frowned; what did she mean? Was I dying? Is that why it seemed she was really here?

"Alice? Are you really here?" I sobbed.

"Oh Bella!" she exclaimed and then I felt her cool arms around me as she shook. I forced my eyes open and could see both Esme and Carlise looking at me. A look of surprise crossed Carlisle's face, his head snapped to the window of the room.

"It can't be! Why are they here now? This cannot be happening!" and with that, Carlisle ran from the room.

A look of confusion passed across Esme's face as Alice began to panic "I can't see him either! What's going on? Why is everything disappearing?" she screamed as she tried to run after Carlisle.

"No Alice, we need to stay with Bella, Carlisle will be back" Esme said. "Bella? Is there something you need to tell us? Are we the only mythical creatures you are in contact with?

I knew what she meant, but I wasn't sure this was my secret to tell. I didn't say anything, I just looked at her and then back at Alice. My hands trembled as I lifted them so that I could touch her. I touched her hair and then her arm, moving down until I held her hand. Squeezing tightly, I concentrated on my breathing. Alice's hand squeezed mine back and I sighed. "It's really you. You really are here aren't you?"

"Oh Bella, what happened? You said Edward came back, but he didn't Bella. He couldn't have. He is in South America. If he'd come back I would have seen him. What made you think he came back?"

"I heard him! He was in the kitchen! I ran to him and well..." I dropped my head and felt the blood rush to my cheeks "I stumbled and before I could fall I felt him! He saved me from falling" I stuttered. "And then… and then." My voice broke and I couldn't continue.

"We'll talk about this later Bella. For now I just need to ask you a couple of questions. Do you trust me? Do you trust us?" Alice asked.

"Of course I do!"

"Then believe me when I say, whoever you met on Friday night was not Edward."

"But Alice…" I began but then froze when I heard shouts from outside and the thunder of feet running through the corridor.

"Bella! Are you ok?" Jake screamed as he burst into the room. He stopped. His body was trembling and I saw him flinch at the same time I saw both Esme and Alice drop into a defensive crouch. Alice began to snarl.

"Stop! Everyone stop! Jake! The Cullens' won't hurt me, stop it! Alice! Esme! Jake is my friend! He won't hurt me!" I screamed, reaching for the blankets, I tried to throw them aside but I was much too weak. Both Alice and Jake reached for me, then froze and stared at each other. I could feel the hatred emanating from both bodies as they stared at each other. Before I could intervene the door to the room swung open yet again and Sam Uley came in, followed by Carlisle.

"Jacob, relax. You need to focus and stay in control" Sam said. Jake nodded and then slowly began to back away from Alice, but still positioning his body so that he was somehow between me and Alice. I could see the slight trembling in his body. I reached my hand for his, and clasping it tightly I could see Jake breathe deeply and his trembling slowly began to stop.

"Carlisle? What's going on?" Alice asked.

"It seems that we have much to discuss. Bella has been under the protection of the La Push pack for some time now"

"The pack? I don't understand…" Alice interrupted Carlisle, her eyes moving between me, Jake, and Sam before resting on Carlisle.

"Please Alice, try not to interrupt. I do not know everything that has happened, only that when we left, the danger to Bella did not. There are others of our kind who have been stalking her. Without them" he said as he gestured towards both Sam and Jacob "Bella may have died."

Both Alice and Esme gasped. All eyes turned to me. I hung my head and didn't say anything, waiting for someone, anyone, to speak.

"Sam, can you tell us what happened to Bella?" Carlisle asked gently.

"I can. Bella? Are you ok? Are you ready to hear this, or would you prefer I talk to Carlisle outside?" Sam asked, coming towards me. Alice began to snarl which of course meant Jake did likewise.

"Oh, stop it! Both of you! I mean it! I'm fine Alice, Sam won't hurt me, quit snarling. And Jake knock it off! She's my friend!" I said, dropping Jake's hand I crossed my arms and leaned back into the pillow. All the fight and anger left me as a closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath I continued "Yeah I'm fine Sam. I need to know…what happened? Where's Charlie? Renee? Where's Edward?"

Sam looked at me for a minute, then to Carlisle and to Jake then back to me. I could see the indecision in his eyes. He didn't want to tell me anything. He had to!

"Please? I have to know Sam. If not, then Jake will tell me!" I looked to Jake "Was it Edward?"

Both Sam and Jacob slowly moved their heads.

"We don't think so" Sam said. "We did not see him at all. Although there were many scents there, the vampire scent that is found in all the rooms of the house, which we assume to be Edward's does not appear to be a fresh scent. Of course we ask that Carlilse come to the home to verify this and also to see if he recognises any of the other scents." Carlisle just nodded.

"The only indication that he could have been there, was Bella's account of what happened." As Sam said that, all eyes focussed on me.

"But I heard him" I repeated my earlier words. However, this time with less conviction. Could I have been mistaken? Was my mind playing tricks on me?

I could feel my heart begin to beat faster, the fuzziness was beginning to creep back but this time I welcomed it. I didn't want to hear anything more for now. I just couldn't take it. I could hear the others continue to talk but I could no longer understand anything being said…

"We need to talk" Sam began, looking directly at Carlisle.

**Note:** So tell me what you think. I like reviews! Reviews make me want to update quicker! HINT HINT!


	6. Chapter 6 The Wolves

**Disclaimer:** Sadly the only thing I own relating to Twilight are my copies of the books and my ticket to the movie. The great SM owns the Characters and all things twlight.

**Carlisle's POV**

"We need to talk" Sam began as he looked directly at me.

"I agree, but not here. Not now." I turned to face the others. "Esme, Jasper will be arriving at the house soon, will you please go meet him there and then bring him to the treaty line? We will be 5 miles north of where the border meets the main highway." Esme nodded, walked over to both Bella and Alice, kissed them both and then laying a hand on my shoulder smiled at me, nodded at Sam and then left.

"Alice? What do you want to do?" I asked gently. I knew how much seeing Bella lie unconscious was affecting Alice. "You can stay here if you would prefer." Alice didn't respond, not taking her eyes from Bella's face, her hands slowly stroking her hair. "It's going to be alright Alice; we will get to the bottom of this. We _will_ make Bella well again" I said, walking towards my daughter and hugging her. "As soon as we have finished discussing this situation with Sam I will send Jasper to you" she just nodded. I then focused on Sam.

"I will meet you at the treaty line in 5 minutes. I will be alone, but Jasper will follow."

"What about the other bloodsuckers? Where are they?" Jacob snarled.

Ignoring the menace dripping from his words, I addressed Sam again "My other sons will not be here today but they are on their way. We all care about Bella,; she is like a daughter to me..."

"A daughter you abandoned! Breaking her heart as you tossed her aside!" Jacob screamed interrupting me.

"Enough!" Sam said, quietly, but with authority looking directly at Jacob. "Jacob; you will report to Paul; let him know where to meet us and tell Jared to continue the patrols." Jacob nodded, leaned over and kissed Bella on the forehead, then ran from the room. Not long after I heard the howl of the wolf. Sam soon followed Jacob and I was left with Alice and Bella.

Once I was sure I was far enough away from the confines of the hospital not be overheard by any humans in the vicinity, I pulled out my phone and dialed.

"Carlisle?" Emmett said. "What's up? Is Bella okay? What did she fall over this time?" he asked before I had a chance to even say hello.

"Emmett, I am not sure exactly what has happened. Phil has been killed, possible Renee too, her body hasn't been positively identified yet and Charlie is missing. Bella is under the impression that Edward returned, and the misconception that somehow he is responsible for the attack on her family!" Before he could interrupt me I continued "Alice told her she was wrong, and this was confirmed by Jacob Black. It seems Bella cannot refrain from befriending mythical creatures. She is familiar with the wolves of the Quileute tribe. From what we have been told so far, they have saved her life before, and I think possibly even on Friday night. Bella is blocking the memories. She is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and whenever she tries to recall what she saw she retreats into the darkness of her mind."

"But it wasn't Edward right? I mean I know he loves her, and can be kinda nuts when it comes to her, but he hasn't been near her since he left. She is wrong, isn't she?" Emmett asked.

"No, It could not have been Edward so yes, Bella is wrong in her assumption. I am meeting with the wolves at the treaty line out by La Push in a few minutes. I wanted to call to see if you have located Edward yet."

"I'm afraid not." he sighed. "Edward was here; I can smell him here in Cascavel, but his trail is old- perhaps a few months old. Hasn't Alice seen anything new on him? We went to Curitiba but there was nothing there. We lost his scent at Iguassu Falls. I'm worried Carlisle. I think he was living at the bottom of the falls, and when I say the bottom, I mean the bottom. He has truly lost it this time Carlisle. Even Rose is worried!"

"What do you mean the bottom? Underwater?"

"Yeah, when I dove in, I could see the indentation of his body on the rock bed, and many of the smaller rocks have been torn or crushed. It is like Edward can't bear to be around anyone or anything right now. Kinda like he is hiding. Now I know what Alice meant when she said he was wilder."

I just sighed, I did not know how to respond to that.

"I'm sure Alice will call you if she sees anything new." I said. "As you are so far south, try Esme's Island. If he wants to be alone, that would be the most logical place for him to go. I will call you again once I have spoken to the wolves, but I must go now. Sam and the others will be waiting on me. Take care son." With that I hung up the phone and began to run.

I slowed as I reached the meeting place. Sam and Jacob were there, together with another couple of wolves who were in their wolf form.

"Thank you for meeting me; I know how hard this must be for you." I stopped and nodded my head to both men before continuing. "Bella is unclear about what happened and I would like to know who it was that you felt she needed protection from."

"Who do you think, bloodsucker?!" Jacob snarled at me before being commanded to be silent by Sam.

"About 6 months after you left Forks, we came across a fresh trail in the forest just north of Forks. There were two vampires who were attacking hikers in the forest. At first we could not understand why they came to Forks to begin with and then why they did not move on. The male cornered Bella in the clearing just north of the highway; we were able to avoid injury to Bella and destroyed that one. However, the female was able to get away."

"Since then, the female, and others continue to come to Forks; it seems like they are trying to get to Bella. She feels she is to blame for this; that somehow she is behind the vendetta of the female." Sam paused, "every time we get close to her, she has an amazing ability to get away, yet any that are found with her we destroy. Bella believes that the female is looking for revenge for the destruction of her mate by Edward."

From my peripheral vision I could see Jacob Black visibly flinch, trying to speak; and yet he could not. It was very strange and I had to wonder if his inability to speak was something to do with the order to be silent from Sam who was the alpha.

"Victoria!" I sighed, "Does the female have red hair?" I asked to which Sam just nodded. "Yes, we did destroy her mate a few years ago when he attacked Bella. We did not realize the bond that Victoria had with James. We had no idea she would blame Bella, if we did, we never would have left her unprotected." I paused, then asked "Is Victoria the one that attacked the Swan's home on Friday?"

"She was not there, well not that we were aware of anyway. There were several vampires and I don't know how they managed to slip past our patrol. When we arrived at the house, Phil was already dead. We destroyed the two vampires feeding from him but not before he had been severely mauled. We were just too late to save him. Jacob and Paul chased another two carrying Renee into the yard and were able to stop them escaping. Unfortunately, it was too late to save her. Once under attack, one of the vampires went wild and destroyed her body beyond all recognition." Sam shook his head as if trying to shake away the visions he saw.

"We don't know what happened to Charlie. There was very little of his blood found at the house but the trail we followed ended at the interstate. We haven't stopped looking but we cannot find any trace of him. Bella was found in the trail leading from the home. Once the vampire who was carrying her was trapped, he dropped her to try and escape."

"We are not sure why Bella was left unscathed, but we are grateful for the fact that the leech holding her dropped her relatively unharmed. The vampire tried to run, but he couldn't outrun me or Paul. We took him down as Jacob stayed with Bella to protect her." As he spoke, my eyes could not help but look at Jacob; he was visibly trembling. I knew he had to remain calm or he would phase and that would do no one any good. As I began to speak I heard a noise from behind me.

"Ah!" I sighed with relief "Jasper is almost here" I said as to warn the wolves that the vampire approaching was one of my family. I could feel the tension build in the air.

"Jasper, my son! Thank you for coming so soon." I looked at him and as our eyes met I felt a wave of calm crash over me; at the same time I saw Jacob relax and the trembling in his body ceased. I just nodded at my son and turned back to Sam.

"Bella told us that Edward was there, had spoken to her, but we did not see him. We do not believe he was responsible for this". Sam looked at me as he said this.

"Thank you" I said.

"What are your plans now?" Sam asked. I hesitated.

"My family is on the way to Forks and will be here shortly. Once I have the chance to plan things I will let you know. However, we will make sure that Victoria is destroyed; we cannot allow her to remain alive. We are sorry for the deaths that have been caused, but we will not allow her to continue to stalk Bella. After she has been taken care of then we need to talk to Bella, to see what she wants to do. We made the mistake of leaving her before; we will not make the same mistake twice." I said this firmly so as to ensure there were no negotiations on this.

Sam nodded, turned to Jacob and then looked back at me. "This affects us too; our people are in danger while these vampires are allowed to run lose. We need to discuss the treaty."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked.

"As you have returned, under the treaty we cannot be found on Cullen land while you reside in Forks. However, we would like to negotiate this. Bella is family to us, as is the other residents of Forks. We would like to be able to come on to the land if necessary."

"That is acceptable, only if we can do likewise." I responded. "Again, only if necessary." I emphasized the only if necessary part.

Sam paused. I could see that he was hesitant to allow any of my kind onto tribal lands. "This is something I cannot agree to without discussing it with the elders. I will need to call a tribe meeting and then inform you of the decision" he stated.

"I understand. We should meet again – tomorrow evening? 2am? Here? Would that be enough time for you?"

"Yes" Sam nodded "However, until then, please refrain from coming close to the treaty line. Our priorities are to our own people, but we will protect all that we can. If you come too close to the line, there may be an accident."

"Of course. Meanwhile, please consider the treaty line erased for the time being from our side. We will not consider the treaty broken if one of you are found on our land, provided that no violence is aimed towards any member of my family." I said this with as much power as I could. I wanted to make this clear; I would allow them to protect the people of Forks along side us, but I would not stand for any harm to my family. "I realize that Jacob and some of the others may want to visit Bella. I will not stand in their way."

"Thank you. Until tomorrow then" Sam said, nodded to me and then turned to Jacob. He nodded to Jacob who followed Sam as he walked towards the two wolves and then disappeared into the forest.

Once we were alone I turned to Jasper. "Thank you for being so efficient. I trust Mr. Jenks was able to get all the required documents?" he nodded. "Let's go back to the house so I can tell everyone at once. Can you call Alice and ask her to meet us there?"

"I will pick her up on the way home. She won't have phone reception inside the hospital." Jasper replied.

"Of course, how could I forget?" I mumbled. "Then I will see you at home." We both ran in different directions.

I reached the house first to find Esme waiting outside the house waiting. She looked up at me; I could tell that she would be crying if she was able to.

"My dear!" I said as I folded her into my arms "Are you alright?"

"No!" she sobbed. "Poor Bella! How awful she looks. She is starved Carlisle! What did we do to her? What do we tell her now? How can we explain what happened to her? Will she forgive us for leaving? Her poor family. Oh Carlisle! Why?" she allowed me to lead her to the couch and seat her on my lap. I held her as I waited on Jasper and Alice arriving. We rocked back and forth together as I crooned an old Bach melody, trying to calm her down. I hated to see my dear Esme upset like this.

"I called Emmett!" Alice shouted as she ran into the house. "Edward is going to be in Seattle tomorrow evening. He is on his way here. Emmett and Rose are on their way home and ask that we call them as soon as you have spoken to the Quileutes." Alice exclaimed as she ran into the room. She went straight to Esme who quickly moved from my lap to sit at my side on the sofa. "Oh Esme, I feel so bad. Bella is back in a catatonic state. I talked to her, I sung to her and held her close, but nothing I did made any difference." She sighed. Her shoulders sank and Alice looked defeated and unsure of anything.

"Alice, I am confident that Bella will be awake soon. She just needs time to adjust. She is not ready to face her fears and the nightmares that she has experienced. It is not unusual for someone who has gone through such a traumatic experience to act this way. It is her body and her brain's way of coping with the stress. When she is ready, she will return. We all know how brave a person she is, we just need to be there for her when she is ready to face her fears.

"About Edward. He is wild Carlisle; I can see it in his face, in his eyes. He hasn't fared well being away for so long and I'm not sure how he will take the news. I'm scared Carlisle." Alice said, this time not even looking at Carlisle but at the floor. Her shoulders dropped and she looked somehow defeated and unsure. Sad.

"He is coming home. We will be here to help him. This isn't the first time that he has gone his own way, there was that rebellious streak in the 1930's..." Esme said.

"I know that" Alice snapped, "but this is different. He loves her. I know he is going to blame himself. What if we can't contain him and he does something stupid?"

"We will just have to hope that we can prevent him from being so reckless. I am sure his priority will be Bella, and that will give us some time to figure things out".

We called Emmett and once we were on speaker phone so that Rosalie could hear I began to tell them of my meeting with the wolves of the Quileute tribe. They were already on the way to the airport where their private plane was waiting. We agreed they would just rent a car to drive back to Forks. Jasper would have gone, but with Edward on his way here, I felt it would be much more beneficial to have him close by to help. Once we finished the call with Emmett and Rosalie we remained silent. No one knew what to say.

"I can't stand this!" Alice screamed. "I can't just sit around waiting. I need to do something. What can I do?" she begged.

We agreed that Jasper and I would go to Charlie's house. We wanted to investigate the various scents found there to see if we recognized any of the vampires who had caused this attack. Also, even though no one said it, we wanted to exonerate once and for all Edward from this tragedy that had struck the Swans. Alice and Esme would return to the hospital to be by Bella's side in case she woke up. Alice did not want Bella to wake up alone. I had a feeling that the next 24 hours would feel like a lifetime for Alice.

**Authors Note:** Thanks for reading, now please review and let me know how I'm doing. You + Review = motivation to keep writing.


	7. Chapter 7 Farewells

**Disclaimer:** I still own none of the characters, I just get to borrow them from Stephenie for a wee while.

**Author's Note:** I owe you guys a humble apology. It's been several weeks since I last updated. I found I had to focus on my studies in order to be able to graduate with honors. That being said, I did it! And I think I learnt my lesson and will not get to deeply emersed in Twilight land that I neglect my studies.

Anyway, here is the next chapter. We begin to find out what Edward has been up to since he's been gone.

**Edwards POV**

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I said coldly_

"_You……don't…want me?" she stammered, confusion._

"_No"_

"_You're not good for me, Bella." (New Moon 69 – 70)_

Those words kept repeating in my mind. Over and over again. Sometimes, I would hear the words echo into oblivion, and sometime the phrases would stay loud and clear, ringing in my ears. Each time though, these words were accompanied with the shattering of my heart as I looked into the eyes of my only love and watch her face crumple with shock, disbelief and then horror as she realized what was about to happen. The look of complete devastation on her face will forever haunt me.

Not a day, nor even an hour since I left Forks has gone by when I have been flooded with thoughts of my Bella; my love, my life.

After I had said those abhorrent words time seemed to lose all meaning for me. The first hour away from her was a blur. I kept repeating over and over "_It's for her own good. If you truly love her, let her go…_" It was the only way I could force myself to keep on moving, further away from her. I don't know where the strength to just leave her came from, but I did it. For the first time in my life I felt like I had achieved something good. I had overcome the monster in me. I had done the most unselfish thing I could have done.

As I ran through the forest, I heard the sobs coming from deep inside but I knew I couldn't stop and give in to my feelings. If I stopped, even for a minute, I would return and go back and beg her to take me back. I didn't have the strength to resist. I knew that, and knowing that, I kept running, heading north, north-east. Shadows soon filled the forest and the sounds of the animals faded away as they settled peacefully into night. My body thrashing around in the forest was the only act of violence in this otherwise tranquil evening. Feelings of dread and panic began to overwhelm me. These feelings were not anything to do with fear for my safety. I was a monster, the world's worst predator; there was nothing that could harm me. My dread was for my future; I had given no thought to what I would do after leaving Bella. My focus this past week had only been to ensure her safety, ensuring that my family followed my wishes and did not attempt to have any further contact with Bella. Before they left, I had elicited promises from them never to return to Forks as long as Bella was alive. I had also made Alice promise to not look for her future. I had made a promise to Bella that we would never contact her again. It was the only way.

But now that I had left her, what now? How could I survive this? What was there left for me? Where did I go from here? I had no place in mind, I just knew I had to have distance between me and her to be able to stay away.

I slowed as I reached the outskirts of Joyce, my panic beginning to recede with each mile I felt push their way between me and my Bella.

"Edward" she whispered.

My head snapped to the left as soon as I heard her voice. Of course she would come. She would see me as soon as I had made the unconscious decision to run. As I broke through the tree line onto the Olympic Highway I saw Alice standing beside the yellow Porsche parked just off the main highway, hidden in the cover of darkness.

Without thinking, I ran to her, she opened her arms and embraced me. I collapsed in front of her, my arms grasping her waist and she bent her head, kissing my hair as she continued to hug me. "Shhh… I'm here Edward. It's ok. I'm here"

My body wracked with sobs, my eyes burned with the tears I would never shed. My throat felt red raw and my heart ached, I felt as though my body was being torn apart, a red hot searing pain shot through me and I gasped for the breath I did not need.

"How do I live Alice? What will become of me?" I sobbed. Alice just held me closer to her murmuring words of comfort. We rocked together for a while, and time stood still. I don't know how long we stood together. Slowly I became aware of others around me.

My family.

I looked around and saw nothing but compassion and love in their faces. Even Rosalie looked genuinely concerned for me, there was no smugness at all in her thoughts, she was just concerned for me. A monster.

It hurt to see them all, they were together, they had their mates and I had just destroyed my only chance at happiness. I knew then I had to leave, I had to be alone. It was too painful to see their faces and hear their thoughts of pity. I didn't need pity. I didn't deserve it. I was a monster and something to be loathed, not pitied.

"I'll miss you Edward" Alice said in a small voice. I saw the others look as her and then back to me.

"So you are going away then son?" Carlisle asked.

"I have to, I can't stay here." I said.

"I understand" he replied then walked to me and hugged me "Come back soon Son."

"Oh, Edward, please don't go!" Esme cried out "It will be different in Rocehster, you'll see. We will be there to help you"

Emmett and Rose just came forward and hugged me, telling me to make sure I kept in touch. They understood my need for solitude.

"Edward please!" Esme sobbed as she ran towards me.

I flinched but allowed her to hug me. She kissed my cheek and tried again to get me to go with them to the new house. But I couldn't. Hearing their thoughts, seeing their looks was painful enough but to see couples in love when you yourself have nothing was something I had seen before and it was hard enough then. Now I had experienced the all consuming fire of true love for myself the pain I felt was all the more harder around my family. It was just too hard.

"I can't Esme, I need to be alone…I…I just can't. It's too hard" I felt myself shudder and then I cringed at my weakness. I hated this feeling of utter desolation. "I have to go now, please understand."

"You will keep in touch won't you? You will call? Email? Come home soon?"

"I will do my best to" was the best I could say. Every instinct was to scream NO, because I didn't want to keep in touch. Every time I would think of my family I would think of Bella and realize what I had lost, I couldn't do that. My very being shied away from anything that could possibly cause me pain the likes of what I had just experienced. I could feel the monster rising inside, telling me to return to Forks and to ….

"I have to go now!" I screamed and then with one last look at my family I began to run south.


	8. Chapter 8 Tenebrosity

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own Twilight but I do have several ticket stubbs from the movie and I have pre-ordered the movie!

**Authors Note: **I hope this makes up for the time I took to update? Two chapters in one night? Am I forgiven?

**2 weeks later**

Seconds became minutes; minutes progressed into hours; hours transformed into days and the days evolved into weeks. But nothing changed. The air around me was stale. The attic I had found here in Rio de Janeiro suited my purpose. It was in an old abandoned mansion on the outskirts of town. Here I could forget the world around me. People did not come close to the mansion and so the inane babble of their thoughts and mundane conversations would not intrude on my solitude.

I had left my family and ran south, not caring where I went, having no plans. I took nothing with me, just the clothes I had on; no identification, no money, no nothing. My cell phone would buzz as I ran but I ignored it. I ran, chasing the darkness and running from the sun. For once, the new day, and the subsequent sunlight did not stop me. I thought nothing about running through the sunlight. I was in the desert as the sun finally caught up with me. Ignoring the instinct to take cover I pushed on running through the blistering heat found only in a desert when the sun was directly above you and there was no shade around you. The air was arid and scorched my throat, bringing back harrowing memories of the burn in my throat every time I would see my Bella. How the Gods were cruel! Each thought of Bella pierced my heart, visions of her smiling at me exploded in my head; my whole being ached to be with her and yet I would rather die than to return to her and cause her grief or danger. But for me, death was too easy. Even that, I could not allow to happen. I had made my choice. As long as Bella remained on this earth so would I.

After Bella died I would find a way to follow. But even the mere thought of her death caused this monster agonizing grief. This was to be my penance for the monster that I was this. This was my punishment for allowing a human to fall in love with one such as me. It was no more than I deserved; to live the remainder of my existence alone. In complete desolation.

**One month later**

Time still held no meaning for me. I had not moved since I arrived in this attic. The night creatures, the rats, the bats and the owls still kept their distance from me, but no longer seemed to fear me. I could not bare to think of … of my family. I had stopped answering my cell phone, stopped calling to "check in". I had not hunted since I left Forks. The burning sensation in my throat seemed appropriate punishment to me. Besides, it helped me to focus my mind on something other than her. My Bella.

Time had not erased the excruciating pain I felt when I thought of her. The merest thought of her name would cause my knees to go weak and my head to pound. I felt a pain in my heart so deep even though I knew it was not possible. How could one such as I dare to assume I could feel? And yet I did. Time had not erased my love for her, nor had it made living without her any easier. I felt panic at the mere thought of trying to walk the small distance into the heart of the city and join civilization again. What was the point? I was a monster. What right did I have to be happy. None, I had no rights. I deserved nothing more than to stand here, merely existing until it was time to expire. My plan was made now. I knew that as soon as Bella had gone then I would go to the Volturi and ask for my own pathetic flame to be extinguished.

As the dust motes floated around me, I flinched. I could hear it. That continuous drumming; that monotonous beat that meant a human was close. And then the air shifted and I smelt the blood. The venom flooded my throat; I swallowed with an instinct borne of many years doing so, but the venom was relentless. Having spent so long without any nourishment my body went into survival mode. The instinct to attack was so strong it would have been so easy to give in to the monster who was roaring inside my head. But I could not. I would not allow this monster any respite from the torture I endured.

The soft voices were carried to me on the slight breeze. It seemed like my hovel was no longer mine. Rosarita and her marido Jorge were now the new owners of this mansion. It was obvious to me that they were newlyweds. The bonds between them were new, the touches between them hesitant and somewhat shy. The waves of lust coming from them overwhelmed me and I knew I could not stay. This was just too much torture. For a while visions of Bella blinded me, disabling my ability to move away. I felt my body tremble and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cease to exist. Of course, that wasn't something that was likely to happen.

Instead, I leapt up through the open dormer window onto the roof. The stars shone brightly over head and there was little in the way of cloud cover. I am not sure how long I had hidden in the attic but I felt like I had not been outside in years, perhaps even centuries. I felt like a newborn looking at the sky for the first time. The colors in the sky not seen by human eyes were vibrant to me now. For one brief second I forgot why I found myself on the rooftop of this mansion and I was amazed by the beauty that surrounded me in the sky. Life felt wonderful for that one second and then my world collapsed; a shooting star ran across the sky fading into the blackness light years away.

The excruciating pain overwhelmed me and dropped me to my knees. For the first time since I had left my family I felt my body shake, the sobs becoming more intense, more painful as they tried unsuccessfully to expel from my body. I had always considered Bella to be my guiding light, she was the one thing that had given me hope. And just like the shooting star she had faded from my life, but unlike tonight, she left behind nothing. A blackness so deep and so final it could only be called an abyss.

I jumped from the rooftop, and then staggered into the surrounding forest whereI found a large tree trunk covered in moss deep in the heart of the forest and far away from any humans. I could do nothing but curl into myself and allow the waves of pain to smash over me. I was conscious of the sun rising and the forest coming alive around me and yet I could not move, I was paralyzed by the depths of the despair that I felt. Surviving like this was becoming harder not easier. Whoever said "time heals all wounds" clearly had never lost the reason for their existence.

My alabaster skin felt so cold to me, and my body continued to shake as the world continued to turn around me. The sun set, and then rose and still I remained inside the mossy log deep in the heart of this godforsaken forest.

**11 months later**

Each time a human came close I retreated further into the rain forest. The flood of thoughts, of feelings would overwhelm me and I could not bare it. Sometimes, I felt such deep sadness at not being worthy of the same emotions, the same chance of happiness and at other times I would be filled with a rage so hot I wanted to strike out at everything around me.

It was not fair! I wanted to scream, to pound my fist into the body of the man who loved one women but lusted after another. Did he not know how lucky he was to have the unconditional love of that one women? I wanted to tear limb from limb the women who cheated on her husband because she was scared that she was missing out. Their secret thoughts were not hidden to me. I saw past the superficial being that would hike through the forest and clearly hear their innermost thoughts and fears. When a couple who actually loved each other would hike together, on a romantic journey, trying to become one with nature that would hurt the most and make me the most angry. How dare they flaunt their relationship to me! What gave them the right to be so pious and so sure of their feelings for each other? Didn't they know that life wasn't fair? That the fates would deal them a hard blow at some point? Should I just step up to them now and spare them the misery of heartache at a later date? Dare I play God?

Every time I came close to extracting that violence that threatened to erupt inside me I would see Carlisle's face, hear his voice and that was enough to prevent me from doing anything he would not approve on.

So far.

But it was getting harder, not easier. And so I would move, further away from civilization and closer to becoming the monster I knew I was capable of.

**Another two months later**

Further. Deeper. Get away.

My clothes were torn, my shoes I had lost several weeks ago and I found myself running, running away from the voices.

Humans are close.

"Go away!" I screamed, which was soon covered with the cacophony from the flock of exotic birds I had disturbed in the trees high above me.

I laughed. Hysterically. Lifting my head to the skies I roared "Fly away! Do not come back! I hate you!"

"_What was that noise?"_

"_Wow, look at all those birds!"_

"_I wonder if I'll score this trip, Candace looks hot"_

"_This sucks! I hate this heat, I hate this nature crap, why can't we ever do what I want?"_

"_I wonder if Roger even knows I exist? What should I say to him? How can I get him to notice me"_

The voices exploded into my head all at one. The humans were getting closer.

"Noooooooooooooo!" I growled, then I ran…my shirt, already torn, caught on a branch and I heard the rip. Laughing I tossed aside the remnants of the shirt and kept running.

I heard the roar long before I realized where I was. Unlike the sounds of humans, this was a noise I welcomed. The roar of nature, the roar of the Gods! I embraced the respite it gave me. Running to the edge of the cliff, I found myself looking down into the cooling waters of Iguassu Falls. The mist from the spray was hitting my face.

Humans regard these falls as beautiful but I didn't notice the beauty, all I saw was an escape. Standing on the edge I felt the power of the water around me as it rushed to the edge to plunge down, crashing onto the boulders so far below. I felt the tug of the water as it tried to sweep me into its path, but I was unmovable.

I leaned forward, stretching my arms above my head and then dived. 236 glorious feet down, into the tumbling violent water below. Although the fall was brutal and always deadly to any human insane enough to attempt it, I was not so lucky. A few tumbles around in the swift current and then I slowly sunk settling on the bottom. I moved myself so that I was situated directly under the main cascade from the falls. Around me small sediments swirled, some getting caught in my eyes, nose and ears. I found this slightly irritating but a small price to pay for the silence I found in the roar of the water. The relentless pounding of the water against my immovable body was just an added bonus. I figured this was the same sensation that a human would experience if they had a deep tissue massage. But I wasn't sure. I found my memories of humans, anyone other than… her, were getting dimmer and more insignificant with every passing second.

Far above me I saw the change in the sky, as twilight descended I settled in to my new home. Here I was secluded from the chatter I usually heard. Even with my hearing, the sounds from the birds in the trees were muffled, and no voices could be heard. The isolation was tinged with irony though, as my mind was now free to focus only on her, something that until now I had tried to avoid. Her face, forever etched in my mind was the only thing I saw, her sweet voice the only one I heard. I sighed, expelling the last of the air trapped in my useless, dead lungs. As memories of my one love flooded my thoughts, I felt it was fitting punishment. No longer required to hear the sounds of humans I would willingly spend the rest of my time on this earth surrounded only with the memories of her. When the bittersweet pain became too much I thrust my hands deep into the earth below me, grinding small rocks into fine sand.

**Sometime later…**

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." _I said coldly

"_You……don't…want me?" _she stammered, confused_._

"_No"_

"_You're not good for me, Bella."_

Over and over again, these words poured over in my mind. Each time a dagger would pierce my dead, un-beating heart and each time I heard the pain and anguish in her voice my non-existent soul would rip further apart.

Thoughts of her filled my mind. The scent of her blood still fresh in my mind, slowly tormented me. Sometimes, I felt her hand in mine, her body beside me as she slept. I knew I was slowly losing my mind. I vaguely wondered if this was what happened to the old ones after time.

Anger.

Fate had dealt me a cruel blow. How dare Carlisle decide my future? Why should he be allowed to choose whether I live or die? Is this living? Or just existing?

Fury.

Why me?

Hopelessness.

I'm no good for her.

Emptiness.

There's nothing left for me.

Alienation.

Darkness.

Tenebrosity.

Nothing.

**Author's Note:** So please let me know how I'm doing with this story. Next chapter Edward is on his way home.


	9. Chapter 9 Resurrection

**Authors Note:** Still don't own any of the twilight characters, SM does.

**As the world continues to turn…**

The roar and pounding of the water surrounded me; the silt, disturbed by the torrent of

the water, scratched every orifice of my body; my ears, eyes, nose were all irritated from months of invasion.

Daylight, and then darkness continues to surround me.

When the green moss became too much of a nuisance I'd move my body ever so slightly causing the water to savagely tear away the moss from my body; new moss would then begin to grow in another part of my body, somewhere more sheltered from the raging water surrounding me.

Pictures of Bella would flood my memory, causing grief so deep I truly felt my whole being would tear apart. Utter agony spread through me, causing my body to spasm and I would curl into a small ball and wait on the pain to dissipate enough to allow me a small period of respite from my despair. Finally, I found myself slipping…

Darkness.

Motionless.

Thoughtless.

Lifeless; my life now; my future; my end.

Until…

**Last Week**

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." _I said coldly

"_You……don't…want me?" _she stammered, confused_._

"_No"_

"_You're not good for me, Bella."_

Over and over those words still haunted my mind; taunting me with their cruelness. I had no-one but myself to blame. I had caused this, and so I deserved the subsequent agony.

The light shone, filtered through the hazy greenness covering my eyes. Daylight permeated through the waters, proof that I had endured another long bleak, dark night. Which day or which month I did not know; nor did I care. To me, it meant it was one more day that she had survived, safely away from me.

For months, time had passed in a state of abeyance. My meager existence had comprised of dark empty nights and just as lonely murky days. The roar of the falls kept most of the other sounds of this meaningless world away from me. I did not hear the thoughts of the humans who came to see the falls even though I knew that they came, took pictures and then left again. Hiding in the waters, I did not breathe and so could not smell the blood that would have caused me to leave this watery grave.

I had not crawled from the bottom of the falls in months; I hunted only when it became impossible for me not to; I think it was ten, fifteen or perhaps even twenty weeks ago since I had last moved from my stony tomb. Each time I became weaker before I would venture out onto land to hunt. That last time however, on my return to my hovel I found a congregation of alligators residing on the bank. They were too close and frankly, I did not think I could garner the strength required to defeat the whole brood. Instead I chose to move to the other side of the falls. The "view" was the same, the silt just as annoying; the deafening roar still provided my escape from reality. My mind seemed more alert though, and my visions of…her more profound.

My body had green moss on the parts that were protected somewhat from the relentless battering from the water as it fell from the heavens above down onto my lifeless body below. Attempting to pummel me with its power; to grind away at me, treating me no different from any other inanimate rock found here, the water strived to erode me into tiny particles of fine silt and then sweep me on down the river. However, the weight and pressure felt like nothing more than the mere electrical impulses one associates with a tens machine on a human. An anomaly of nature; that was the only way I could think to describe myself.

I had resigned myself to remain at the bottom of the falls until it was time to go to the Volturi. I had felt my mind slowly deteriorate each day as I hid here away from everything. Even a monster such as I needed company; required stimulation, required a family. My destiny had been changed, my family was lost to me and I felt myself slowly die inside with every day I remained in my self imposed isolation.

Today, that all changed. One single thought had changed that. Others had come too close to me. Not humans this time; but ones like me. They had spoken of their desires. They were on course to Forks Washington to destroy the only reason for my existence; my Bella.

No! I screamed; I roared and yet this was all inside my head; I had not moved from the bottom of the falls in months. I cursed myself for the idiocy of my selfishness; I couldn't believe how much I had allowed myself to deteriorate this time; I was slow to move, clumsy in my attempts to leave this pit. I was pathetic; pathetic but determined. I would get out! I would rise, just like the phoenix, to protect my love and to wreak havoc and destruction on those who would dare to threaten her idyllic life. My heart sprung to life at the thought that I would be able to see her again, to breathe her. I knew I would need to stay hidden, un-noticed by her, but I could do that. Couldn't I?

I moved slowly from the river-bottom to the shore and then moved unsteadily into the trees not stopping until I was deep into the forest. Unable to do much more than stumble; I fed off the small lizards and snakes that slithered in the undergrowth here. How I wished that the myth of the twins Kuarahy and Jasy were true and that I could find Mboi jagua; the giant snake of their myth. I am sure that it would restore my strength to me immediately!

Instead I had no choice but to take it slow. Without the strength to fight some of the larger predators like the alligators I had to be content with the smaller creatures. I knew this meant it would take longer to get the strength to begin my journey back. I castigated myself for not realizing the importance of maintaining my strength. I clearly hadn't thought anything through at all. Even if I had no intention of returning to Forks and to … her, I would still have required some strength to be able to go to the Volturi. What was I thinking? How on earth did I end up here? It was incomprehensible to me.

Day after day I made my trek north. Without the speed and strength I used to have, I was unable to move around as much during the day; unless I was hidden deep within the forests or mountains where no humans would come across my path. As my strength began to return, I was able to feed on larger animals; wild dogs, wild cats until finally I was able to catch a mountain goat. Moving north through Bolivia, Brazil, Peru and Columbia I became stronger, my fury became deeper and my resolve to destroy all threats to my Bella became my primary focus.

Part of my brain asked "What then?" but this was not a question I has any answers for. I knew I did not intend to allow myself to return to the shadow of my former self. I was ashamed at what I had done; how could I justify falling so far? What would I tell Carlisle? Esme? My family?

My family!!

How could I forget? They must be told, I had to contact them! Of course, I had nothing; no money, no cell phone but I would find a way to call them. It was dusk when I found myself on the outskirts of Yaviza, Panama. Rather than avoid the town altogether I went in search of a house with a phone. My third attempt proved fruitful, and finally I located a phone. However, no matter how much I willed the operator to be successful, no matter how beguiling I tried to sound, my call to the States did not go through. I dropped the headset into the cradle too hard sending both the telephone and side table to the floor in a pile of broken pieces and wood. Hearing sounds from the upstairs floor I made my escape through the broken door, anxious to be on my way, I would try again in another town further north.

As I ran through the night I called out with my mind to Alice. I prayed that she would somehow sense me and see what I was doing. I asked God to watch over my Bella begging him to ignore the fact I was a monster and not worthy of his time, and do this for her, my human love.

Several failed attempts to contact my family throughout the next day as I ran through the countries of Panama and Costa Rica only added to my frustration over the time it was taking me to make Bella safe. I cursed myself over and over for the time I had to take to stop and hunt. My body having been denied nourishment for so long demanded that I feed regularly to be able to continue on this quest. For once, I actually felt empathy for the humans for their dependence on regular feeding, how debilitating this was!

Daylight on my fourth day found me outside the city of Granada, Nicaragua where I was forced to stop. There were just too many humans close for me to be able to continue my journey without being seen. In the past, the mere fact that humans would see would not have stopped me continuing my journey, but not now. For once I was scared; this weakened state frightened me and I wasn't sure I would actually be able to get away from the humans who would soon surround me if I were to step into the sunlight. Frustration swept over me as I was forced to find a small cave, high in the hilltops overlooking the city and wait on the Twilight to descend once more. Walking in an endless circle inside the cave, I tried to think; to plan.

I laughed when I realized that the forefinger and thumb of my right hand were on the bridge of my nose; a humanistic trait that I had carried with me into this cursed life of the vampire. The laugh was startling to me; it was the first time I had heard my own voice since I had left my family many months ago. It sounded so strange.

"Hi" I chuckled as my voice echoed around me.

"It's me. Edward" I replied then snorted as I realized how foolish this was.

I crouched towards the back of the cave and found my senses becoming overwhelmed with memories of my past life; the decades shared with my family, watching as it grew from just two people to the brood of vampires that lived in Forks. For the first time since I had left, my memories of Bella did not incapacitate me; I could recall her smile as she saw me, her blush as I touched her rosy white skin with something other than feelings of despair. A flicker, no a flame of hope had been lit inside me, and I was grateful for that.

"Alice, look for me, see me help me. I need you!" I muttered over and over as I waited for the twilight hour to descend. The sky was changing and so I knew it would only be a few hours until it would safe for me to leave this cave.

As the sky above began it's transformation into night, I left the shallow cave and began my descent from the hillside. Breaking briefly from my quest to feed on a stray billy-goat I continued on my trek north. The towns and cities I passed by were nothing more than a blur to me; my one focus was only on getting to Forks. By avoiding towns and cities and staying in the mountainous areas I was able to continue my trek during the daylight hours of the following day.

Five days after my reawakening I stepped across the border into the United States of America. I had chosen a remote area of the Yuma desert miles from any of the immigration posts. My senses, albeit a little sluggish, were still enough to ensure that I did not go close to anywhere a guard might be. I had no identification on me and even though I knew I would be able to get away from any guards that might come into my path I preferred to avoid any confrontation; the time a confrontation would cost was time I did not want to lose. I had been fortunate to land on American soil not long after the sun had set and required all the time the night hours would give me to get as far north as I could; before the sun found me.

I ran deep into the desert, feeding on rattlesnakes and a lone coyote; just trying to get as far as I could before I would need to stop again. I made two stops on my journey, trying to get a call through to my family. Both were unsuccessful but I would not give up. As I ran I cried out to Alice, hoping that somehow, somewhere, she would see me and know that I was coming home.

Home.

How strange that I chose that word, but deep down it felt right. It was time. I would be able to return to my family after I had made Bella safe again. Yes! I would not retreat into myself again, I would lean heavily on my family for a while; allowing them to help me for a change. For once I would not be the protector; but the protected.

Finally I was able to make the call I so desperately wanted when I reached the small town of Ogilby. Of course, Alice answered before the phone had even rung.

"Edward! I'm so glad to hear from you, where are you?" she squealed. I heard voices in the background.

"Alice, there is not time for idle chit-chat I need you; I need you to help me. Go to Forks, Bella needs you. I overheard the thoughts of someone; I heard their plans to destroy her. You need to protect her. I am on my way and will be there as quick as I can."

"Oh Edward, we know, we are in Forks right now" she said quietly.

I gasped.

"Is she…can she…what…" I fumbled for the words, my world tilting on its axis. If it was in any way possible, I would assume that I was about to pass out. I held my breath. Waiting. The seconds felt like a lifetime before I heard her.

"Bella is alive Edward, we are watching her." I exhaled and the blackness threatening to envelop me moved back. "Where are you?" she asked.

"In Ogilby, Arizona but I will be there as soon as I can. I plan to find a car…"

"That's prefect!" she interrupted me. "Edward, go to Rolle airstrip in San Luis, it's smaller than Yuma, but big enough for a jet to land. A smaller airport won't ask too many questions. Emmett and Rose will meet you there! They have a private jet and are on their way home from Argentina. Hang on Edward, talk to Carlisle while I call their plane" and then she was gone.

"My son, it is so good to hear from you." Carlisle's voice sounded so welcoming, so warm and there was no hint of admonishment to his tone.

"I'm sorry Carlisle" I began but he interrupted me.

"You did what you had to do Edward. No-one thinks any less of you for that. There will be time to talk about your experiences, but for now we just want you to come back. We need you. Bella needs you."

"Edward? Emmett says their plane will be in San Luis, Arizona in two hours. Be in the trees towards the east of the strip. Emmett will find you and he will bring you back. I love you Edward, now go, I'll see you soon." Alice said then hung up muttering something about having to change her plans now that I'm coming back. I don't think she meant for me to hear that.

Hanging up the phone, I closed my eyes for a brief second, allowing the first feeling of hope to sweep over me. I turned away from the house I had entered and began to run; towards San Luis; towards my family and my future.

As I ran I chastised myself for all the questions I should have asked Alice but did not; why were they already in Forks? How did they know? Had they arrived in time? Had they destroyed the vampires who had threatened Bella? Who was responsible for that threat? Then I realized that Alice being Alice would have disregarded my demands and would have continued to look for Bella. As soon as there was any danger, Alice would have seen it and ensured Bella's safety. I sighed with relief, certain that Bella was safe.

I reached the rendezvous point within an hour. I could have been there within ten minutes, but as there was no need for speed I allowed myself to run only slightly faster than a human would. I was fortunate enough to remain hidden from the eyes of the humans who would pass close by.

"_I wonder how he is? How will he take the news?_"

"_I need to remember to keep my thoughts hidden from him_"

The thoughts of Rose and Emmett hit me at the same time as I heard the drone from the small jet. I watched as it circled the air-strip and then landed smoothly onto the tarmac. The door opened and the bulk of Emmett appeared through the doorway. My God! Was he always this huge? I could see why humans were in awe of him; he made a formidable sight and if it wasn't for the shit-eating grin on his face you would think him to be a barbarian.

"Hey bro!" he waved at me as he walked at a human pace down the stairs.

"_Christ, he looks like hell. What on earth has he been doing? Has he looked in a mirror lately?"_ his thoughts belied his happy face.

"I've missed you man! I'm glad you decided to come home. Let's get going" clapping me on the back, lifting me off the ground he turned around towards the plane.

"Emmett! Put. Me. Down! I can walk by myself." I said through gritted teeth.

"Are you sure? You look kinda scrawny to me?" he said.

"_Who's he kidding?_" he thought "_He looks even more fragile than a human boy; like he could be snapped like a twig. It's been as bad as I thought, he has crawled into a hole somewhere and wallowed._" My growling stopped that train of thought.

"Sorry man, but it's true. You look fragile". Putting me on my feet again we walked to wards the plane. "Everyone is back in Forks Edward, waiting for you." With one arm around me shoulder he hugged me briefly then shouted "Last on board is a rotten egg!" and began to run.

I was last to the plane, I ran up the stairs close on Emmett's heels, and came face to face with my sister for the first time in almost two years.

"Edward" Rose said with a slight nod "nice to see you".

"Rose, you too" I said then sunk into the leather chair across from her.

We stared at each other as the plane took off, no-one spoke and I found even their thoughts were closed to me. Emmett was singing rap songs and Rose was going through a list of designers who would be at the winter fashion show being held in LA. This would have been normal for them; were it not for the fact that both that both were staring intently at me, waiting for something; an explosion.

"What?" I spat out unable to bare their stares any longer.

"You look like shit Edward." Rose exclaimed. "You need to do something before we land."

"I don't care how I look; I just need to get home. What happened Rose? Is Bella ok? Who tried to hurt her?" I asked whipping my eyes between Rose and Emmett.

"Edward, did Alice tell you anything?" Emmett asked, leaning forward towards me.

"Only that Bella was alive and safe."

"Edward, something happened; we don't know how or why but there was an attack…" as Emmett explained what he knew so far, which wasn't that much, I sat back and listened, with a look of utter desolation and disbelief on my face. A small seed of rage soon exploded inside me and I began to panic; to lose control in such a small confined space would do me no good at all. I had to focus!

I flinched when I heard him say my name. "What? She thinks I did it? That I would hurt her?" my tone was incredulous.

"She is confused Edward, she heard your voice but she didn't see anything. All she knows is she heard your voice telling her you had come back for her and then…well, nothing. Next thing she knows she is in hospital, in pain; scared and alone; her family either dead or missing and no idea what caused this." Emmett's voice faltered "Alice says that she cannot see Bella sometimes. We don't know what that means."

"I'm sorry Edward." Rose said. "We got there as soon as we could. Know that nothing will happen to Bella now; Alice will not leave her side and Carlisle is working on having her released from the hospital into our care." Rose took my hand into hers. I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but compassion and love. "We will find out what happened Edward, we will avenge her parents. We **will** make Bella whole again." She squeezed my hand harder.

"Listen to me Edward. I know you don't care what you look like. But Bella will. You cannot see her like this; you look like shit, a wild beast and you will frighten her if you go to her like this. You must do something. If not for yourself then at least think of what your appearance will do to her."

I knew she only spoke the truth. I looked down. I was clad only in what could have once passed as a pair of pants and nothing else. Dirt and small stones were trapped in my skin, the grime of many months clung to me and now that I was thinking of it, I could feel the grains of the riverbed silt in my ears and nose. I shook my head, not that it would improve things much.

"Here. Take these. I know they will be too big for you, but it's all we have. Use the time we have to try and clean some of the grime from your face. There are towels in the bathroom. Sorry that there is no shower on this jet, we didn't think we would need one." Rose handed me an outfit I recognized as belonging to Emmett and then nodded towards the back of the plane and the bathroom there.

"Thanks Rose" I said and she looked at me. The expression in her eyes changed and a small smile appeared on her face. I knew she understood; I knew she realized I was thanking her for much more than just the change of clothes she gave me.

We landed at the small airport outside Forks. I was not surprised. Usually we would land at Sea Tac airport and then take a car to Forks, but I was not the only one anxious to be back as soon as possible.

As the small plane bumped along the tarmac I was already out of my seat and at the door waiting until I could open it. I could see Alice and Jasper beside Emmett's white jeep and I was anxious to be surrounded by my family.

I leaped to the bottom of the steps and the tornado that was Alice slammed into me.

"Edward! Oh my god it's really you. I've missed you so much, I'm glad to have you home. Come we have to hurry! I only have an hour to make you presentable before Bella will be here." She squealed.

"Bella?" I stuttered, pulling back to look into her face. "What do you mean? Bella will be here? She is coming here? To the airport? Why?" I asked.

"No silly! She is coming home; where she belongs; with us. Carlisle is at the hospital just now, going over her release papers. Esme and I have been making up the spare room for her so that she will be comfortable. But we can talk about this in the car, we need to go! You need to shower and change clothes, you need to scrub your nails and…"

I let her speak, no longer paying attention to anything. My thoughts were filled with Bella. What could I say to her? How could I face her? Did she still blame me?

"Alice? Does she know that I will be there? Is she… is she afraid of me?" I asked quietly.

Alice just shrugged and said "She's been through a lot Edward; she is frightened and confused. She says she heard your voice but I think she knows you couldn't have killed anyone. You just need to be gentle Edward; gentle and patient. I can't see what will happen when you meet her again but I know it will be ok." She hugged me close and we sped through the rain towards the house as Jasper drove.

Jasper had said nothing more to me than a simple "Good to see you" but it was enough. Besides, I couldn't focus on anything other than the knowledge that I would be reunited with Bella. A myriad of emotions swept through me as I realized that I had not planned on this, but it did not matter.

In less than one hour I would see my Bella again!

Before I realized it, the car had stopped, and we had stopped outside the main driveway. Esme came running from the house, had my door open and me in her arms before I had a chance to move. She clung to me as I felt the sobs vibrate through her body.

"Edward! I'm so glad to have you home. Promise me you won't run away like that. I've been so worried about you; Carlisle too. We have missed you Edward, our family was not complete without you."

Before she had a chance to say anything more, Alice grabbed my arm and dragged me to the back yard. "Come Edward, you need to hunt first and then clean up." I began to protest but Alice would not allow me to speak. "Jasper and I drove a small herd of deer into the clearing on the other side of the river so it will only take you a few minutes. It's important that you hunt Edward; you know how Bella always worried about the circles under your eyes. No matter how you feel, you need to appear strong for her. She needs you."

Alice was right; Bella would notice the black circles under my eyes and would be worried for me. I had to do everything I possibly could to improve my current looks in the short time available before she arrived.

"Come Edward, I'll go with you" Jasper said.

"Me too! Let's race" Emmett said as he leaped across the rose garden and ran towards the river.

I do not recall how many deer I drank from, nor do I recall running home; all my mind could focus on was getting back so that I was there for Bella. When I arrived back at the house, Alice was at the bottom of the stairs, tapping her foot and scowling. "You have 20 minutes Edward. There are clean clothes on your bed, toiletries in your room. Now go!" and with that she shoved me up the stairs.

As I passed her she stuck her tongue out at me like a small child. I found myself chuckling and I was amazed at how much lighter; how much more alive I felt.

10 minutes later I was pacing back and forth across the porch, trying desperately to think about what I would say to Bella and wonder how she would react to me.

"Alice, you did call Carlisle and tell him to warn Bella I'll be here. Didn't you?" I asked.

"Of course I did Edward. I wouldn't want to cause any undue stress for her. I felt it was better for her to know ahead of time so she has a chance to prepare herself." She paused. "Don't worry Edward, she will be fine, everything will work out. But you need to remain calm. As much as you might want to, don't rush her and don't freak her out. You need to remain calm."

I just nodded.

"Promise me Edward, you will be calm, reserved and you will listen to me. If I think it's too much for Bella I will let you know. Promise me you will take heed and not disregard anything I might say or think?"

"I promise." And I meant it. However, part of me, the irrational part, wasn't sure that was a promise I could keep. I had no idea how I would react to seeing Bella. Even though I knew it was not possible, my stomach was churning and I felt as if I would throw up. I felt like a schoolboy waiting for his date to arrive. Would she be happy to see me? Would she hate me? What could I say to her to erase the hurt I am sure I caused her? Would she believe me when I told her how I truly felt? Would she let me back into her life?

Why oh why was time standing still? Where was Carlisle?

"Alice? When…" I stopped. I could hear the thrum of the car and then Carlisle's thoughts.

"_Her heart is racing Edward, she is nervous and perhaps a little afraid. I think it would be a good idea to let her acknowledge your presence rather than you approach her. Let me bring her inside so that she can be seated on the sofa before she sees everyone. She is in a fragile state and I do not want to overwhelm her. Be gentle with her; remember to act human and walk slow! Welcome home son, it's good to have you back_."

And with that thought, Carlisle pulled into the driveway and sound of her heartbeat filled my head and my cold dead heart kept beat. I meant to go inside, I truly did. But I could not move. I was transfixed on the sight before me. Without thinking of the consequences, I took a deep breath, leapt off the porch and moved to the passenger side of the car. I opened the door of the car and the sweet scent of my Bella filled the air, permeating my pores.

I held out my hand to her, offering her assistance from the car. My hand trembled, I saw her head turn towards me, in slow motion. She gasped and her heart began to beat so fast I thought it must surely hurt.

"Bella?" …

**Authors Note:** Well? What did you think? Leave me a review telling me what you thought of this.


	10. Chapter 10 Reunion

**** Important Note; sorry about this, but if you read Chapter nine before January 25th, 2009, please go back and re-read before you read this chapter. I had to change it to avoid a major plot error, and then I added a bit at the bottom where Edward and Bella meet for the first time.... so please, re-read nine before moving on to this chapter. ****

**Authors note:** The great SM owns all things Twilight.

I held out my hand to her, offering her assistance from the car. My hand trembled; I saw her head turn towards me in slow motion. She gasped and her heart began to beat so fast I thought it must surely hurt.

"Bella?" …

She just stared at me, blinking furiously. Her heart was beating so loudly it drowned out everything else around us. Her scent was exquisite and my usually flawless memory had failed to capture the essence that was unique only to Bella.

Not thinking about anything other than the need to touch her, I leaned into the car and placing one arm behind her legs and the other behind her back carried her from the car bridal style. Hugging her close to me I buried my nose into her hair and inhaled. Time stopped, and the world receded into the abyss I had once known. I could feel the walls of ice that surrounded my cold dead heart crack and crumble away. The warmth emanating from her body was defrosting my soul. I was being reincarnated. The pull I had felt towards Bella had not diminished during our time apart, how long was that anyway?

Finally I began to notice my surroundings again and realized that Bella had frozen in my arms and that there was total silence around me. Crap! Carlisle had told me to let Bella come to me and I had done the exact opposite.

Although my every cell screamed NO! I gently placed Bella on the ground, making sure she was steady on her feet before removing my arms from her. Clasping her hands with mine, I finally raised my eyes to meet hers. Her deep brown eyes were open wide and she wasn't blinking, just staring. What was she thinking? Was that fear? Excitement? Agony? Anger? Love? What? Why oh why was the one mind that I wanted to be able to read forever closed off from me?

Her eyes flickered slightly and she tugged her hands so I released them. My heart sunk. She hated me. Even the thought of me touching her was repugnant to her. I sighed and dropped my eyes to the ground. Her hand slowly moved until she was touching my face. I felt, rather than saw the trembling in her limbs.

"Edward?" she whispered, disbelief in her voice… "is…is that really you?"

I nodded, moving my face slightly so that her hand was now cupping my right cheek.

"You really are here" she went on "I know they told me but I… I didn't think it was true… I mean I didn't really think about it and… well I didn't know what I would say to you…oh crap! I think I am having a heart attack" she gasped and she pulled her hand away from my face, leaving a trail of fire where she had touched me.

As I watched her face, a myriad of emotions flooded my body; excitement, fear, anguish, panic and the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced. At the same time I heard Jasper's thoughts.

"_I thought you should know how she feels right now, I think she is overwhelmed and unsure. Please Edward give her a chance to get used to this."_

At the same time I heard Alice "_For gods sake Edward! I told you! What happened to listening to me? I've been screaming at you for 3 minutes and now see what you've done?_" She came rushing down the stairs and placed herself between me and Bella.

"Come Bella, let's get you inside. Rose and Emmett are inside, waiting." She placed an arm gently around Bella's waist and began to lead her towards the house. She glanced back at me with a scowl and at the same time I heard her thoughts. "_I told you Edward, she isn't ready. You should have waited. Let's get her inside and see what she wants to do_."

"_Son, give her time. I'm sure she won't feel so emotional once she is used to the fact we are all back. She has had to go through so much in the past few days and I am only beginning to understand what she has been forced to live through since we left."_

Carlisle walked towards me, clapped his hand on my shoulder and said "Welcome home son, now let's go inside." And with that he walked into the house and embraced Esme.

Taking a deep breath, I quickly joined my family in the front room.

"Bella, I am so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to make things easier for you." said Rose as she hugged Bella and then stepped back. I was amazed to note that her words were genuine. Rose may not have been Bella's biggest fan but she didn't wish any ill-will for her either.

"Bella! It's so good to see you! You have no idea how much I've missed you; it's been boring around here without watching you fall every five seconds. You are so scrawny though; we need to have Esme fatten you up again" boomed Emmett as he rushed towards Bella. Hugging her tightly, he had lifted her from the ground until he was looking into her eyes. His smile of joy soon turned into shock as Bella just stared at him and then burst into tears.

Bella's arms went around Emmett's neck and these gut-wrenching sobs reverberated throughout the room and inside my head. Emmett began to have a scared look on his face I felt the need to say something. Speaking so low and fast so that Bella would not hear me I said "Emmett, it's ok, it's not you, it's me! I think I overwhelmed her outside and everything is catching up with her. I think you were just the last straw."

As I spoke, Emmett nodded slightly, then with a gentleness that I never knew he had, he sat on the sofa and placed Bella so that she was in his lap with her head on his chest. Patting her back as one would a small child, he softly crooned to her; telling her things would be ok, that she was safe now and that he loved her. He began to rock her ever so slowly.

"Just let her cry herself out Emmett, she hasn't really cried since this all happened. It will be a good thing for her." Carlisle muttered.

We all slowly moved away from the front room giving Bella some privacy, even though we would hear everything this was the least we could do.

Bella cried for what seemed like eternity; each sob she took tore at my heart and each tear that fell saturated my soul. I took this time to watch her unobserved. She looked so gaunt and not like the Bella I had left that fateful day in the forest. She had been neglecting her health, but why? Surely she had moved on? Lived the life I had hoped for her?

I could see the bones in her wrist, more prominent than they had ever been before and assumed that had she been naked the bones of her spine, hips and ribs would stick out too. I tried to think if I had noticed this when I was holding her but I couldn't. All I was aware then was that finally Bella was back where she belonged; in my arms.

Slowly Bella's sobs became less harsh and the tears began to dry up. The shudders that had wracked her small frame slowly subsided.

"Are you done crying?" Emmett asked gently. Bella just nodded. "Well here, blow you nose on this, for if you get snot on my shirt, Rose will probably bite your head off!" he said with a mock frown on his face. Bella snorted, but took the hankie from him and blew her nose.

I was grateful to Emmett, for once his obscure sense of humor had been perfectly timed. He had made Bella forget her emotional display and so she would not feel embarrassed at all over her outburst.

"Thank you Emmett" Bella said, her voice sounding hoarse and scratchy.

"Hey guys, Bella is done freaking out! It's safe to come back in now!" Emmett bellowed, and then winking at Bella, he kissed her forehead gave her another hug and then placed her beside him on the sofa. Putting his arm around her he pulled her into his side and Bella visibly relaxed beside him.

As the family returned to the room and took a seat beside their respective partners, I just sunk to the floor so that I was directly opposite Bella and Emmett.

"Bella? What would you like to do?" Esme asked as she handed her a cold glass of water. As Bella took it I noticed that the hand that took the glass still trembled. Bella was still emotional but determined to hide it well. "Alice would be happy to help you get settled into your room? Or we can…"

"I'd like to stay here if that's ok. I have some questions to ask and I'm sure that you do too." Bella interrupted, her eyes scanning each family member before she focused on the glass in her hands.

"Of course" Esme said, "what would you like to know first?"

"Well I know that you moved to Rochester after you…left here, but what did you all get up to?" Bella asked.

As she listened everyone, well everyone except me, told her what they had been up to. Bella was as surprised as I was to be told that the family had been living apart; Alice and Jasper had spent some time touring London, Paris and Rome; Emmett and Rose had been spending time on Esme's Island and Bella was told that I was in South America. When Alice told her that, I saw Bella visibly flinch and clutch her arms around her stomach. She stole a glance at me and even though she didn't say it out loud, I saw her lips say "his distractions."

"Bella. We are truly sorry for just leaving you the way we did, we…" Emmett begun but Bella shook her head vehemently and stopped him before he could continue.

"Don't Emmett. It's not necessary. You did what you had to do, all of you. I don't need any explanations nor any apologies. Please, let's just forget it and move on… ok?"

"But Bella, you don't understand" Emmett tried again.

"Stop! I mean it! I don't want to hear it! I understand. And I'm grateful that you are here now, it's enough. Please let's not talk about it anymore." Bella's face was unreadable as she said this but her hear was racing.

"She isn't ready to address this now so let's not push it" Carlisle muttered, again fast and low enough so that Bella would not hear him.

"Do you think I can ask some questions Bella? Are you up for that? Or would you rather we not talk about anything serious right now?" Emmett asked.

"No, that's fine, you can ask me anything."

"How come Phil and Renee were at your house?"

"That was my fault. You see Jacob and Juliette are getting married this weekend. I had come home to spend the summer with Charlie and at the same time to help Juliette prepare for the wedding. Phil was playing for the Mariners and they happened to have a bye week. Renee wanted me to come to Seattle for the weekend but I wouldn't. I told her if she wanted to see me then they had to come to Forks." She visibly shuddered as she recalled this.

She gasped slightly and I saw a solitary tear escape. Emmett hugged her close and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry Bella, you don't have to talk about anything, I didn't mean to upset you."

"No Emmett, it's ok. I think it might actually help. I haven't spoken to anyone about any of this and I'm scared to keep it bottled up any longer."

I glanced over to Jasper and I felt the wave of calm he sent out. Bella looked confused for a second and her cute little eyebrows scrunched up and then she looked at Jasper and gave him a small smile of acknowledgment. For second I was transfixed by her beauty. I took a deep breath so that I could inhale her scent. Having been denied the honor for so long I knew I could never deny myself the pleasure of her scent. I knew now, that I would never be able to be separated from her again.

"Do you have any idea what happened on Friday? And why?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not sure what exactly" she stuttered as she quickly glanced at me then looked away again "but I think I know why."

"Bella?" I said, it was the first time I spoke to her since I touched her outside the car. I had not intended to speak yet, but I had to. "Do you still think I had something to do with what happened?"

"Well no… but … it makes no sense. It was your voice I heard, I felt you and then… then nothing."

"Bella, we want to show you something." Alice said, at the same time muttering her plans to us lower than Bella's hearing range. Of course! Why hadn't I thought of that.

"Bella, listen to my voice for a second" I said.

"Bella, listen to my voice for a second" the same sentence was spoken by every member of my family and yet it was my voice that Bella heard all the time.

Bella looked around a mask of confusion on her beautiful face. "I don't understand. I don't get it, what are you doing? How can you do that?" she said looking at every family member before settling on my face.

"What did you hear Bella?" Alice asked.

"Well Edward's voice of course!"

"What about when Emmett spoke? Or Rose? Or me?"

"Still Edward's."

"Bella, I am not sure who was in your house on Friday night, but I know why you thought it was Edward. Vampires are good liars Bella, we have to be. All of us are able to imitate other voices once we have heard them. Here, I'll show you, Emmett? Can you talk like Bella?" Alice looked at Emmett and nodded to him.

"Oh Emmett, I think you are so big and strong and I am just so clumsy and I fall and blush all the time." said Emmett in a perfect imitation of Bella's voice. Bella gasped as she heard him and then started to laugh.

After a few seconds, I saw her take a deep breath and then she finally looked at me, really looked at me.

"Edward, I owe you an apology. I am so sorry for ever thinking that you would do something like that. I am so very truly sorry and…" she stuttered.

Before she could say anything else I was on my feet and in front of her. Kneeling down, I took both her hands in mine and smiled at her.

"Bella, there is nothing to be sorry for. You owe me no apology. If anyone should apologize, it should be me. I should never have left you." I said. This was it; this was the time to tell her how I really felt.

"_No Edward! Don't do this now. She's not ready_" Alice's thoughts screamed through my head but I didn't listen.

"Every day since I left you I have thought…" I continued but Bella put a finger to my lips. Her heart began to race again and the trembling in her body became more pronounced.

"Please Edward" she whispered as her eyes pooled with tears. "Not now, I can't take it. I…I know we need to talk and we will. I will make sure that we get the chance to talk openly before I leave but please, I can't do this right now, it hurts too much." At that, she gasped and pulled her hands back to wrap around her stomach.

Jasper sent wave after wave of calm towards us and slowly I watched as Bella got her emotions under control. Emmett just glared at me as he continued to hug Bella closer to him.

"Leave? You are leaving? Why? When?" Alice asked.

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it, I just know that sooner or later I need to get back to the real world and you all need to get back to whatever it was that you were doing before…before you came back."

"Oh Bella no! You can't leave us. We came back for you, we want you here. You are family and we want you to stay with us". Esme said but Alice interrupted as Bella began to shake her head.

"We can discuss this later guys, I want to know if Bella has any idea who would want to hurt her."

At the same time she screamed at me in her mind "_See what you have done? She thinks we don't love her. She feels like we abandoned her. I knew it! I knew it was wrong to leave her. How are you going to fix this? I will not lose my sister again Edward! You need to fix this!"_ I just nodded to her.

"The only one I know who hated me enough was Victoria."

"Victoria?" Carlisle asked. "What makes you think it was Victoria?"

"The summer after you left, I met Laurent in the meadow that Edward showed me. He was planning on killing me. He said he would make it quick and painless but he would lie to Victoria. He had been sent to spy on me for her. She hates me. She blames Edward for killing James and felt that a mate for a mate was only fair. I tried to explain that Edward no longer wanted me but he didn't care, he was hungry." She stopped at that, her thoughts obviously causing her pain.

I was furious! How dare she try and hurt Bella. I would tear her limb from limb for this. I could feel a red hot rage begin to rear inside me. And what was Bella thinking? How could I not want her? How could she still believe that obvious lie I told her?

"Are you sure it was the first summer after we left?" Carlisle asked. Bella just nodded.

"_Oh my, this could all have been avoided if only I'd known_." Carlisle thought.

"What do you mean Carlisle?" I asked.

"We met Victoria, in the December after we left Forks. It was when we were on our way to Denali. She made it clear that James was the mastermind behind the attack on Bella and that she and Laurent had veered away from it. She said she had wanted no part of his plans and that even now, she wanted no fight with us. I believed her and so I let her go."

As Carlisle said this, his shoulders slumped and he looked grief stricken.

Before anyone could say anything to him, Bella had stood and walked over to him. She leaned down, gave him a hug and said "It's not your fault Carlisle. You had no way of knowing. Please don't beat yourself up for this. Promise me?"

"Thank you Bella." He said as he hugged her back.

"_I had forgotten how loving she is_" he thought. I hadn't. I wasn't surprised that she would think nothing of putting aside her own pain to reach out to someone else. That was my Bella.

"Let's get you to your room Bella. It's getting late, you need to take some more pain pills and get some sleep." Alice said as she moved towards Bella.

"Ok" she said. She didn't object when Alice lifted her up and then ran upstairs with her making me realize that Bella was as weak as she appeared to be.

As soon as Bella was out of hearing, my family began to question me on what I had been doing. I was ashamed to tell them of how I had behaved; how I had hidden away like a coward. When Emmett quizzed me about the falls I had to admit to him my reasons for moving from one side to the other. He had come across my old trail but hadn't picked up the new one on the other side of the falls. My family's thoughts of horror at the mere idea of me being scared of a congregation of alligators were humiliating.

During this inquisition I kept listening to the sounds coming from the third floor. I heard Bella thank Alice for making the room so pretty, I heard the sound of drawers being opened, the shower being turned on and then shut off again. I heard Bella as she moved back into the bedroom and climb into the bed. Through Alice's thoughts I saw how skinny Bella looked in the short pajamas Alice had bought for her, and how dark the circles were under her eyes.

I saw Alice give Bella a glass of water and a couple of pills. Alice went to sit on the bed beside Bella but Bella just shook her head. "Go down to your family Alice. I want to be alone" she said.

"Your my family too"

"Alice, please don't start that. It's nothing personal. I just need to be by myself. Can you please just go?" Bella asked, her voice raised slightly with emotion. I could only imagine the thoughts that were going through her head right now.

"Ok, if that's what you really want. But know that you only have to say my name, or anyone's name and we will be right here for you. You don't have to be alone Bella."

Bella just nodded and as Alice closed the door to her room I heard Bella begin to sob and my heart shattered again. Waves of guilt swept through me. I knew I was to blame for this and I had to make this right. But how? I realized that Bella didn't think she was part of this family and that could not have been further from the truth. She also thought I had been chasing "distractions" I knew the reasons behind why she thought that way and again I would make sure she knew the truth.

And once she knew the truth I would beg, for all eternity if I had to, for her forgiveness. I couldn't live without her, I did not want to try. I wanted so badly to go to her, to comfort her. I wanted to curl up behind her like I used to. It would be different in the vast king size bed Alice had purchased for Bella, but still, I wanted to be with her.

"Edward? Please? I… I need you" Bella whispered and my heart soared. I leapt from my place on the floor and vaulted up to the third floor. I knocked softly on the door.

"Bella, it's me, can I come in?" After I was sure I had her permission I entered her room, closing the door softly behind me. Her hand reached for me, I climbed onto the bed beside her, facing her. My hands began to trace the features of her face.

"Are you ok?" I asked, knowing that of course she wouldn't be ok, but not knowing what else to say. She just nodded, staring at me, her expression blank.

"Do you… do you want to talk now?" I asked hesitantly. I wanted so much to bear my soul to her but I did not think she was ready to hear that.

"No" she sobbed as she started to cry again. "I'm sorry for all this, for troubling your family. I didn't mean…"

"Bella shhhhh, please don't apologize for something you don't need to apologize for. We don't need to talk, we don't need to say anything at all."

"Can I ask you something Edward? "

"Anything."

"Will you be honest with me?"

"I promise."

"No! Don't promise me anything, I don't believe in promises, just answer me. Will you be honest with me? Yes or no.

"Yes. You can ask me anything you want to and I will be honest with you."

"Will you please stay with me for a while? Just until I fall asleep? Do you mind?"

"It would be my pleasure." _I'll stay with you forever if you will let me. _"Can I hold you, like before?"

"Please" she whispered.

Wrapping my arms around her, I felt her snuggle down into my arms and heard the beating of her heart slow into the rhythmic pattern I was used to. Without consciously deciding to do so I began to hum her lullaby. Slowly her eyes closed and her breaths deepened. Bella began to sleep. I was in heaven. I could not help but feel elated to be here right now with my Bella in my arms. I moved my head closer to hers and inhaled the sweet scent of her.

"_Good night Edward, I'm happy for you_." Alice thought as she and Jasper chose to retire to their room.

"_Good night son, we'll talk tomorrow_" Carlisle thought but I was no longer paying attention, my mind was focused solely on Bella. As she slept I did what I had been longing to do since I set eyes on her again. Ever so gently I kissed her; her hair, her head, her eye-lids and her cheeks. I sighed deeply and watched over my love as she slept. I planned what I would say to her when we finally had the talk. Until she was ready though, I was determined just to be there for her in any capacity she wanted.

I was home again.

**Authors Note:** So there you have it. They met and even though Bella says she's fine it's obvious to all that she is not. Let me know what you think of this chapter, I really do want to know. Besides, just like anyone else I LOVE reviews.


	11. Chapter 11 Friends

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Twilight, SM does. The plot for this wee tale though, belongs to me.

**Author's Note:** I changed Chapter eleven a wee bit, adding in part of a conversation between Edward and Bella that was missing from the first time I posted it. Without any more ado.... here's the chapter...

As she slept I did what I had been longing to do since I set eyes on her again. Ever so gently I kissed her; her hair, her head, her eye-lids and her cheeks. I did not kiss her lips. Not because I didn't want to, but because it somehow felt wrong. I wanted our first kiss again to be one that we were both aware of. I only hoped that I would be given the chance to kiss her the way I wanted. I sighed deeply and watched over my love as she slept. I planned what I would say to her when we finally had the talk. Until she was ready though, I was determined just to be there for her in any capacity she wanted.

I was home again.

Time stood still as I watched her. I inspected her body with my eyes and my hands. I could feel her collarbone, her ribs, her spine; all were protruding from her frame and it saddened me. I knew without a doubt that my leaving had been harder on her than I had anticipated. Could she, a human, love with as much passion as me? Was it possible? Could this mean she had not forgotten me as I had hoped? What had happened in her life since I had left?

A searing white hot rage was burning up inside me, but I was trying not to focus on that right now; my priority was Bella, helping through what would surely be a dismal week. I don't think she had realized yet that she would have to decide what to do with the remains of Phil and Renee. But once we had this behind us, and once I knew Bella was safe then I would root out and destroy all who had played a hand in this massacre. After that? I would come back to Bella and spend as long as I had to, to make her allow me back into her life.

"_Bella will wake in 15 minutes Edward, don't switch on the light and she will talk to you for a while before she sleeps again. Put on the light, and she will talk, but not as openly as she would in the dark. Your choice._" Alice's thoughts were loud in the relative peacefulness of the early morning hours.

"What should I do Alice? What should I say? How can I even begin to say I'm sorry" I muttered softly, knowing she would hear me.

"_You can start by admitting to being a pompous ass who thinks he knows everything but actually knows nothing_" she thought.

"Be serious!" I muttered angrily, and then hesitantly I spoke again "Alice? For the first time in my life, I'm scared. Bella means too much to me, I don't want to say the wrong thing; I don't want to chase her away. Help me? Please?"

Alice, must have hear the vulnerability in my voice, because this time the tone of her thoughts was more somber. "_Edward. Relax. Just remember, she isn't the 18 year old you left behind. She had a hard time when you left; harder than you can imagine. And we don't know all what she has gone through since you left. I do know that we all hurt her deeply, all of us, not just you. All we can do is be honest with her and hopefully regain her trust. It's what I hope for now. We all were wrong in our actions Edward, not just you_. _We should have challenged your decision and we didn't. Now we need to face whatever consequences there are for our own decisions_."

There was silence for a minute; both of us lost in our own thoughts.

"_And Edward? If she asks you anything. Don't edit. For once in your life be honest. Don't tell her what you think she __**wants**__ to hear, or what you think she __**should**__ hear but tell her everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's the only way you will win her trust back. And be patient!_"

Bella began to move slightly in her sleep, her breaths becoming more ragged; her pulse began to speed up and her adrenaline levels increased. I began to rub soft circles on her back, hoping to soothe her a little.

"No, please don't. Not him!" she whimpered… "Go! Leave us! Oh God! Help!"

As Bella's dream became more upsetting I wanted so badly to awaken her. "Shh my love. It's ok, you are safe. No-one can harm you here" I whispered. Hugging her softly too me I crooned in her ear, grateful that my voice seemed to soothe her and stop the nightmare. I was gratified to know that I didn't seem to be the cause of this nightmare although it would be no-ones fault but my own if I were.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, opening her eyes she glanced around the room, not breathing. I could only imagine she was a little disorientated and trying to figure out where she was. Then her eyes found mine in the early morning light and she just stared. I smiled at her, wishing that for once I could read her mind. Her face gave away nothing; for once, her beautiful face was nothing more than a blank canvas on which to paint an emotion. What was she thinking? Would she regret asking me to stay? Would she hate me now?

Her hand moved from under the quilt and ever so slowly I watched her place her hand on my cheek. I ignored the tremble in her movement; focusing only on the electricity that flowed from her fingers; the flame that was ignited as soon as she touched my skin. Her breathing was quite erratic but I was afraid to tell her to calm down in case I broke the spell, and she removed the hand that was tracing the contours of my face.

I inhaled deeply, enjoying the amazing aroma that belonged only to my Bella; a mix of freesias, strawberries and an essence so unique there were no words for it.

She smiled. Perhaps she too recalled me telling her that I liked to smell the bouquet while resisting the wine.

I slowly moved my hand to her face, mimicking hers and together we spent the next hour just tracing the lines of each others faces. Without losing eye contact my fingers slowly danced across her soft skin. I loved the feel of her eyebrows as my fingers ran across them, I openly embraced the sight of the faint rosy blush that flooded her cheeks as I stroked them and I felt as though my heart had somersaulted when her lips puckered as my fingers ran over them. It took every part of self control I had to prevent my head from dipping; my lips from caressing hers. I wanted nothing more to kiss her the way a man should kiss his love; his soul mate. But even I knew that to kiss her right now would be wrong; timing was everything and it was not yet the right time. Instead my fingertips burned as they stroked her cheekbones. This was more than I had ever thought I would be able to do. For now, this was enough.

Slowly the room grew lighter as the dawn began to creep over Forks; I could see Bella perfectly, but she would still find it difficult to see me in the darkness only her eyes still saw. Recalling Alice's advice, I didn't switch on the bedside lamp for her.

"Hi" she whispered, breaking the silence that had enveloped us since she had opened her eyes.

"Hi" I said, unable to help the grin from forming. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in while." She said, then paused, "Thank you for staying."

"It was my pleasure, Bella. There is nothing I would rather be doing that lying here with you right now." _Crap! Had I said too much?_

I felt her flinch a little then straighten her body. "Edward?" she said, then hesitated. I heard her gulp, then taking a deep breath she continued "how have you been? How were your…your distractions?" her voice trembled when she said distractions and my heart sunk. As much as I wanted to talk to her, now that the time was here I was petrified. What if after hearing what I had to say, she hated me? Could I handle it?

"Bella, my Bella" I sighed. "I have made so many mistakes in my life but what I did to you, what I said to you has definitely been my biggest. Please understand me when I say I thought I was doing what was right, what I had to do to keep you safe. I saw it in your eyes Bella, you weren't going to let me go; you were going to fight and… and I didn't know how much strength I had; so I lied."

"I lied to you that day in the forest. Telling you that I did not want you was the biggest blasphemy I have ever said; I want you Bella; more than any man has wanted any woman. I need you; just as you need air to breathe I need you to survive. I still believe I'm no good for you but I also know I'm no good without you. I can't live without you."

Pulling her closer to me, I lay on my back and sheltered her in the crook of my shoulder, tucking her head under my chin. I continued, pausing only to rein soft kisses on her head. "I cannot contemplate my existence without you Bella. You are the only thing that has meaning in my life. When I lost you, I lost my only reason to live; I couldn't think of doing anything, and I hated everything and everyone around for merely existing in blissful ignorance. I hate knowing you are in pain right now when I feel so grateful to be here with you in my arms. As much as I want to take away your pain, part of me is happy right now, because you are here with me. I love you Bella. I've always loved you."

**Silence.**

Then I began to panic. Thinking I had scared her I began to babble "It's ok if you no longer feel the same for me, I understand. If you have moved on, as I hoped for you, then I can accept that. We can still be friends. I will take whatever part of you that you are willing to give me. I will be your friend, your family; whatever you need, whatever you want, whatever you will let me be."

**Silence.**

"Bella please! Say something. Say you will give me another chance. Let me be part of your life. Even if it's as a brother like Emmett or Jasper. Anything. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for ever thinking I knew what was best for you, for ever thinking that I had the right to choose your future and mostly for thinking you would be safer if I left you."

"Is that why you came back? Because of what happened? Because I wasn't safe?"

How was I supposed to answer that? If I said no would she know I was lying? And if so, how could I expect her to ever believe me again? But if I said yes she would think, and rightly so, that her safety is why I came back. Then she wouldn't believe that I won't ever leave her again. It was a catch 22 situation for me and I cursed my own audacity. I sighed.

"Bella, I will not lie to you. It is the reason that I came back…now. But it was only a matter of time before my resolve cracked; I cannot function without you and if I told you all that I have done in the past 22 months you wouldn't believe me." Hugging her closer, I prayed that she would hear the sincerity in my voice and know that I loved her.

"You hurt me Edward." She whispered this, and I could hear the emotion in her voice. I could smell the saltiness of the tears that pooled in her eyes and threatened to pour down my angels face. She sighed then continued, "I've never felt like that before; never knew I could feel so much pain and not die. I lost myself when you left. You took away my heart and left me damaged." she sobbed and slowly tears began to escape. I watched as the trail of tears ran slowly down her magnificent face and clustered in the hair fanning out onto the pillow. Taking my thumb, I followed the trail; rubbing gently, wishing that I could rub away the pain I had caused as easily I did the trail.

"Bella, I am so unbelievably sorry and I promise you…" I began but she cut me off.

"No Edward, no promises. Not now. Just know how I feel. You abandoned me; you took away Alice, Esme…everyone! You left me with nothing. I waited for you; I thought maybe you'd change your mind. Then when I realized you weren't coming back I began to question what I had done wrong; what I should have done. Finally I had no other choice but to go on, but I was broken, no use to anyone." She paused, lost in her own thoughts but I knew not to interrupt. No matter how much I deplored hearing this I had to hear it; I had to know what she had gone through. I deserved to hear these words echo in my head over and over, reminding me what a monster I was.

"I heard what you said tonight Edward, and part of me wants to believe you; but another part of me; the part that's broken just can't. You say you lied to me before, how do I know you aren't lying now? How can I believe you now? How will I know that I won't wake up tomorrow, or the day after to find you gone?"

"Let me show you Bella, I'll prove to you that I'm not lying; that I am here for you, forever if you will have me." I begged.

"Do I have to?" she asked in small quiet voice. "I mean… do we have to decide everything right now?"

"No my love. You don't ever have to do something you don't want to. Just know that I am willing to do whatever it takes to show you that I am sorry." I was determined to show her that. She would know she was loved; adored; that she was the center of my universe. I would prove to her that I mean it when I said to her that she was my life now.

"I'm scared Edward" she whispered as her fingers gripped tightly to mine. "I don't know what to think of all this."

"I know." I sighed. "Bella, if I could take it back I would. Believe me when I say that I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought what I was doing was the right thing to do; for you. Alice tells me I was a pompous ass and as much as I'll never admit it to her, I believe she has a point."

"_I heard that Edward!_" Alice smirked.

"What am I going to do now Edward?" she asked. It pained me to hear the anguish in her voice and the tremble that ran through her delicate frame. I lowered my lips to her hair and placed a few soft kisses there; I couldn't help it; my lips curled when I heard her heart skip a beat when I kissed her. A spark of hope ignited.

"Bella, you know that we are here for you. We will do whatever it takes to get you through this. I know the next few days are going to rough for you. But you will get through it; we will get through it."

"And then what?"

"I don't know."

"Me either" she whispered, "me either."

"Edward?" she asked "Can we be friends? Can that be enough for now? I just need a friend right now. Please?"

"Oh my love, that is more than enough. I need my friend back too." I whispered. Closing my eyes I couldn't help but be elated; she wasn't telling me to leave her alone. She would allow me to be a friend and I was determined to be the best friend she ever had. Given time I could only hope that I could make her trust in me again.

"Friends" she whispered. I could feel her whole body move as she sighed deeply. In the early morning glow I could see her eye lids begin to droop, her breathing became deeper and I realized it would only be a matter of seconds before she slept again.

As she slowly drifted off to sleep I began to hum her lullaby, music I never thought I would hear again, never mind sing.

"Stay with me Edward, please stay" was the last thing she said before losing consciousness again.

"Forever my love" I softly replied, holding her as close to me as I could without causing her any pain. I inhaled deeply and gave thanks to the God that allowed me to have her in my arms once again.

**2 hours later**

She yawned and her nose crinkled forcing the most ridiculous grin to spread across my face. My God! She was exquisite! Her body slowly stretched as she began to awaken.

"Morning" she mumbled then she smiled at me. I hated how the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. As I returned her smile her heart skipped a beat and I couldn't help but grin and feel happy to note that I still had that affect on her.

"Good morning, are you really awake this time?" I teased.

"Hmm almost, I just need to take a minute then I'll be ready." She yawned again then hugged me before leaving me to take what she called "a human minute". My whole body screamed in protest; the loss of her warm body molded to mine made me want to grab her and never let her go. Thankfully the rational part of me realized how ridiculous that would have been.

I lay back on the bed with my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. Alice had already told me that today would be the day that Renee would officially be declared dead. Bella would be forced to make choices; caskets had to be purchased, a ceremony organized and a plot chosen. Of course, we would do everything we could to make this as easy as possible; if there was any way at all to take the pain away from her, then I would gladly do that, but this was something I could not fix. I couldn't help but wonder at how she would react to the news today.

As Bella walked back into her bedroom the waft of fried bacon began to drift towards us. I snorted when I realized Emmett was cooking! Bella gave me a curious look.

"Sorry, it's just Emmett is determined to be the one to cook you breakfast. He is so excited to make you a meal you will enjoy, but he keeps shattering the eggs before he can crack them. His choice of language is somewhat colorful. I'll give him his due though, he won't give up."

Bella just rolled her eyes and then smiled. She gave her hand to me to help me up from the bed and I let her, even though we both knew I didn't need any help. It was feeble I know, but I'd take any opportunity I could to touch her.

Keeping her hand in mine, I interlaced our fingers and smiled at her.

"Shall we?" I asked as I gestured towards the door.

She just nodded, a blush rising as her eyes broke contact with mine. Her hand squeezed mine and we descended the stairs to join my… our family.

**End Note:** I love getting reviews, good or bad. So please make my day and review.


	12. Chapter 12 Arrangements

**Disclaimer: I still don't own the world of twilight SM does, but I'll soon own a copy of the DVD, I hope you have yours reserved!!!**

**Bella's POV**

_Focus Bella! Don't think about anything… just wash your hair and then get out, get dried and face him._ I kept thinking, over and over, trying to slow my heartbeat and stop these feelings of panic that threatened to overwhelm me.

I allowed the hot water to pulsate down my spine, the needles of the spray massaging my neck. Usually this would relax me but not today. Sighing, I switched off the water and then began to get ready to face this new day.

I wasn't sure what to think about everything that had happened; the violence at home, the Cullen's coming back and Edward. I had listened to what he said last night but I didn't know if I believed everything he said, or what effect his choices would have on me. It was just too hard to think about it, about anything. And so, I did what I had always done; put all these thoughts and feelings away, deep inside of me and put on the mask I had perfected over the last few years.

I don't regret asking him to stay with me last night and I'm so happy that he did. I felt safe with him there and I knew that finally, because of him, I would be able to sleep.

Plastering a smile on my face I walked from the bathroom back into the bedroom and there he was, as perfect as always! Even now, his beauty took my breath away; I felt my heart flutter and then blushed as I realized Edward would hear it and know he still had that effect on me.

Edward snorted and then explained to me that Emmett was cooking breakfast. Now that was something sure to give me a laugh. I offered my hand to Edward, more so as an olive branch than as actual help from the bed; we both knew he needed no help rising from my bed. My bed; in the Cullen house. Something I always thought I wanted, part of me still felt that way. But I didn't want it; not like this, not in these circumstances.

Edward interlaced our fingers and then we descended the stairs, Edward matching my slow human pace. We walked into the kitchen to face the rest of the Cullen's.

"Bella! About time! I almost burnt your bacon. Get over here" Emmett shouted, his booming voice reverberating around the room. "Are you hungry? Do you want one or two slice of toast? Eggs over easy, is that ok? Do you want orange or apple juice? What about…"

"Gee Emmett, let me speak why don't you" I interrupted. Rolling my eyes, I let go of Edwards hand and my whole body screamed No!! The rift in my heart widened at the loss of contact with Edward and I swear I heard him sigh beside me. _Focus Bella! Stop being ridiculous, he probably hasn't even noticed. _"One slice of toast please, eggs are fine anyway they turn out and a glass of orange juice would be great."

"I hope this wasn't too much trouble for you" I asked innocently. His head snapped up, he looked at me like he was trying to figure out if I knew or not. I just stared back, trying hard not to grin at him.

"Nope, no trouble, it was easy as pie" he said as he winked at me. Then he grabbed me and sat me in one of the barstools. I was sure that the breakfast bar in the Cullen's had never been used before. In fact, I can't say I had even noticed the barstools until now.

"Thanks Emmett!" I said as a glass of juice was put in front of me.

"No probs. Bella, your food will be ready in a second" he replied. "So, how did you sleep?"

"Very well thanks, the bed is amazingly soft." _Of course the man in my bed was the reason I slept so well but I wasn't about to admit to that!_

"Bella? Why is your face scarlet?" Emmett asked, a huge grin on his face.

Ignoring his question I took a sip of my juice.

"Well?" he asked.

"Emmett? Why are there tons of empty egg cartons in the back hallway?" I asked, refusing to acknowledge his question.

Laughter surrounded me as Emmett just glared at Edward.

"You told her didn't you?" Emmett screamed.

"C'mon Emmett, even you have to admit it's funny" Alice said as she bounced across the room. Giving Emmett a peck on the cheek she jumped up onto the barstool beside me and gave me a small hug. "Morning Bella".

"Morning Alice. And Emmett, thank you. It was really kind of you to go to all this trouble just to make me breakfast, I really do appreciate it."

The smile on Emmett's face was well worth the thought that I would have to force myself to eat the food. I am a cereal gal by heart but today I would eat whatever he put in front of me, I didn't want to disappoint him and I knew that this was Emmett's way of trying to look out for me.

"Bella, will you want to eat anymore eggs today?" Emmett asked.

"I don't think so Emmett, I don't eat much" I replied.

"Good!" he said, at the same time I heard the splat. Turning to Edward I saw the yolk of the egg running down his face. Emmett had thrown it so fast I didn't even see his hands move. "I'm glad to hear it. That was the last one we had. I'd have to go to Port Angeles if you wanted any more".

"They do sell them here in Forks, Emmett" I said rolling my eyes. He just looked at me, a small grin on his face. "Emmett? How many eggs did you go through anyway?"

"Just as much as I had to Bella, how does it taste anyway?" he asked, the eagerness shining through even though he was trying to sound as if he didn't care either way.

"Fantastic Emmett, best I've ever had".

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Well Carlisle and Esme are at the hospital, tying up a few loose ends there. Rose is in her room and Jasper is outside" Alice said, "Bella? What do you want to do this morning?"

What did I want to do? I hadn't given any thought to anything. What day was it anyway?

"I'm… I'm not sure Alice" I stuttered, dreading that she might think I'd want to go shopping or play Bella Barbie with her.

"OK, well then we will just hang around the house, unless you change your mind" she replied, patting my shoulder as she jumped from the barstool and ran outside calling for Jasper.

Before I had the chance to, Emmett had grabbed my empty plate and was washing it in the sink.

"I can do that Emmett, there's no need to wait on me". I said.

"Bella, please let me do it. This is the first time I've ever been able to wash dishes, let me have my fun".

"Fun?" I laughed then just shrugged at him, who was I to prevent Emmett finding joy in doing something as mundane as dishes?

"Do you want to go for a walk Bella?" Edward asked me.

"No Bella! Lets play a game! I can teach you any game you want" Emmett said.

"Maybe later Emmett? I think a walk outside sounds pretty good."

"Fine then, I'll just stay here with Rose then" he said, pretending to pout.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! I heard that tone! Get your ass up here before I come and get you!" Rose screamed. Emmett just winked at me then ran up the stairs to face the wrath of Rosalie.

"Ready?" Edward asked, smiling that crooked smile I loved so much. I just nodded and took the hand he offered to me.

We walked through the back door and I stopped suddenly and gasped.

"Oh my God Edward! Is this for real?" I asked. I couldn't believe the garden around me. To the left of me was a herb garden with little water fountains placed in-between the beds. What would a houseful of vampires require an herb garden for? And then to the right were miles of flowers; reaching all the way to the stream a few miles to the north. And right in front of me was an immaculate lawn that sloped gently to the stream bed. "This is so beautiful".

"Esme will be happy to hear that. This is her pride and joy. She loves gardening almost as much as she does renovating."

"How much land is back here? Is it all yours?" I asked.

"Everything you see belongs to us. We have 5 acres this side of the stream and then another 15 acres on the other side. We let the grounds run wild on the other bank though. Remember I told you that this was the one place that we didn't have to hide in? Well, a family of vampires needs a lot of room to roam; especially when you have myself, Jasper and Emmett in the same house! We like to run around a lot".

"Can we walk down to the stream?" I asked.

"Of course Bella, we can do whatever you wish to" he said and then he took my hand and we walked.

We spent the next few hours down by the stream, just sitting on the bank. I would dip my fingers into the soft current of the stream; the water was cold but refreshing. I loved hearing the sound of the water bubbling past me, watching the rays of sunshine bounce across the stones lying on the riverbed. The sounds were relaxing and I felt…safe. For a short time I could forget everything I knew I would have to face. This precious time would allow me to recharge my batteries so to speak.

Edward taught me to skim stones across the water; he picked white daises from the banks of the stream and laced them into a bracelet which he attached around my wrist. I was amazed at how difficult this must have been for him to lace the daisy stems together; having seen the remnants of Emmett's attempt at cracking eggs. It was easy for me to forget that Edward had the same strength as Emmett; he had always been so gentle around me.

In this moment, I could pretend that nothing bad had ever happened; Jasper had never tried to kill me; Edward hadn't left me and nothing bad had happened at my house. I could almost fool myself into believing that the past 22 months had never happened. Almost. But deep down inside I felt the ball of dread, just lying dormant in my stomach. I knew I was only putting off the inevitable but I just wasn't ready.

Lost in my thoughts of pretence I didn't realize that Edward had moved away. It wasn't until I felt the warmth of the throw he placed around my shoulders that I noticed he must have gone to the house for a blanket.

I smiled, but my smile was only skin deep. "Thanks" I whispered and then turned towards the babbling brook again.

Edward sat behind me and brought my shoulders back so that I was leaning against him; leaning into him. I sighed.

"Are you ok?" he asked "I mean, would you prefer that I move away?" I heard the hesitance in his voice and I knew if I looked at him I would see a sadness that he would try to mask.

"No Edward, I want you here, I want to feel you behind me" I said softly, at the same time grasping his hand and lacing my fingers with him. "It's like I need you beside me to feel content right now. I feel safe with you." I hesitated then taking a deep breath I continued…

"I know it's not fair of me to do this, that I might be sending you mixed signals. I know I told you I can't talk about this… about us… I know I'm being selfish and I'm sorry" lowering my head I closed my eyes, finding the courage in the darkness "I just need you but I understand…"

"No Bella, don't say it. It's not being unfair and you aren't sending me any mixed signals at all. I'm your friend and as a friend I am more than happy to be here with you. It's not difficult for me to be around you right now. I want to be here. I'm happy to be here and more than that? I am honored that you can feel safe with me after everything I did to you."

"Thank you Edward" I said as I sunk into his embrace. I felt his lips kiss my hair and my heart leapt. _Stop Bella, don't think that way! Don't get too used to this; he will just leave you again. You aren't good enough for him, he doesn't love you. _Those thoughts kept whirling around in my mind as my heart and my head waged a war.

"Edward! Bella! Can you come inside? It's almost 4 o'clock!" Alice shouted. I was shocked, where had the day gone?

"I can't believe we have been outside this long Edward! I'm sorry if you were bored" I muttered.

"Not at all, Bella. This was peaceful for me too. You have no idea how refreshing it is to be surrounded by only the sounds of nature; no thoughts screaming in my head. I enjoyed it almost as much as I did your company. Thank you for allowing me to share this day with you".

I was glad my back was still to him although I'm sure he would be able to tell I was blushing. He rose and then held his hand to me and helped me to my feet. Walking hand in hand we slowly returned to the Cullen house.

As we entered the back door I noticed that Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were all in the front room. Something seemed off to me, but I wasn't sure what.

"Is everything ok?" I asked, glancing at everyone before setting my eyes on Alice.

"Of course! We just thought it would be nice to be here for you, we haven't seen you all day" Alice said as she scowled at Edward "Someone, has been keeping you all to his-self". She stuck her tongue out and I could only imagine the grin that would be on Edwards face.

I turned to Edward and saw him nod slightly. Alice and Edward were having one of their infamous non-verbal conversations. I hope it wasn't about me but wouldn't hold my breath. Either way I didn't want to know.

"Hungry Bella?" Emmett asked.

"You have got to be kidding Emmett! I ate more for breakfast than I usually do in a day."

"That's not healthy Bella, no wonder you're so skinny!" he answered back. "I think you should eat something."

"Emmett I'm not a child. I will eat when I'm hungry and not before." I snapped back.

Edward just hugged me slightly and then moved us to the sofa.

"Sorry Bella" Emmett muttered, all the time glowering at me.

"Sorry Emmett, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"You're forgiven" he said.

"So are you!" I retorted and then we both burst out laughing.

"Carlisle and Esme are home!" Alice stated.

A few minutes later both Esme and Carlisle walked through the front door. I caught the look on Esme's face before she tried to hide it from me and my heart stopped beating. This was going to be bad… I could tell.

"Edward?" I stuttered, as my hands frantically searched for his.

"I'm right here Bella" he said. Of course he was; he had sat down on the sofa beside me. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking at all. Instinct has made me search for his hand; to feel the security I did when he was touching me.

I felt my skin go cold and my body begins to shake. Alice quickly joined Edward and I on the sofa, curling into me on the opposite side of Edward. "I'm here too Bella" she whispered, "we all are". She took my other hand in hers and I felt a slight tremor go through her body.

"Bella my dear, how are you feeling today?" Esme asked.

"I'm fine… I mean I was fine… I mean I know you have something to tell me…don't you? Please… don't make me wait; just tell me… what is it? What's happened?" I was talking too fast, I couldn't think, my heart was racing and I felt my chest close in on me. _Please don't faint Bella please don't faint._

Carlisle knelt before me and I saw the sorrow and compassion in his eyes.

"Bella, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the remains of the body we found in the woods have been positively identified. It was Renee. I am so sorry to have to tell you this."

"Are you sure?" I asked, knowing the answer before I even asked the question. Of course he would be sure; he would have made sure of his facts before telling me this. "It could have been someone else…I mean people always walk through the lane all the time… what about old Mrs. Cottle? She hasn't been seen for a while; it could be her you know."

I was rambling, I knew that and they knew it too. I just refused to believe it. I didn't want to be the reason that my mom was dead.

"I'm sorry Bella, it is Renee, and there is no doubt in my mind." Carlisle said.

"No… no you are wrong! You are lying to me… you are a liar!!! A liar!!" I started to sob and then ran from the room. I barely made it to the un-used bathroom on the main floor before throwing up. With each wretch I felt more of my sanity leave; I felt like I was falling down a hole; or being pulled by the current of the rip-tide. I fought to remain conscious.

"Edward? Edward!" I screamed…"Help me! I can't do this!" I sobbed. He was there before I had even said his name a second time. His cool hands were on my neck, cooling me, and holding my hair as I wretched again. I sat back and laid my head against the cool porcelain rim.

"Oh my god it hurts Edward! Make it stop. Please!" I begged him.

He hugged me close to him, kissing my head lightly I heard him sigh. "If I could I would take this all away Bella. If only I had the power" I heard the anguish; the sadness in his voice.

Gently he lifted me into his arms and then walked into the front room and laid me down on the sofa. Alice was there with a glass of cool water. "Drink this Bella."

I smacked her hand away. A deep rage filling me. "No! I won't. Where is he? Where's Carlisle?"

"I'm right here Bella" he said as he walked into my line of vision, "I'm so sorry Bella" he sighed.

"Take it back Carlisle" I screamed at him.

"I can't Bella."

"Take it back! Take it back! Take it back!" I shouted at him, each time louder and louder. Staring at him I dared him to look away. I all but spat in his face. "I need you to take it back! I hate you Carlisle. Take. It. Back!" I gasped, the air around me suddenly hot and arid, the screaming revolving around in my head increased at the same time as the darkness pulled me under.

I welcomed the blackness; I could forget everything in the blackness. I felt nothing in the blackness. The blackness was my friend.

**Some time later**

I felt the darkness recede and the pain slowly increase. I sobbed and felt Edwards arms tighten around me. "Hush my Bella, its ok, everything will be alright"

"How can it be?" I sobbed "I killed her, I killed Phil I killed Charlie."

"No Bella! This isn't your fault! Victoria is the one to blame for this and she will be made to pay for it! She will not live much longer, I promise you that Bella!"

"What have I done Edward? How can I live with myself? I don't want to live anymore. Please, let me die too!" I cried out to him, clinging blindly to his arms.

"Oh no my Bella, you don't want to die. Please don't say that. I need you. I need you to stay with me."

But what am I supposed to do now?" and then the tears began to flow again. He just held me close and allowed me to cry. I knew not how long he held me close, how long I cried but eventually the tears did dry up and even though my heart felt like it was breaking all over again I didn't die.

"Come in Alice" he said, long before I heard her footsteps on the stairs.

I felt Alice hug me from behind, and I realized that at some point Edward had moved me to my bedroom. I was surprised to note that it was daylight outside. How long had I been unconscious?

Seeing my confusion, Edward explained that Carlisle had had no choice but to sedate me last night. It was the only thing he could do to calm me down and stop me screaming. I just nodded.

"Where is Carlisle? I need to talk to him."

He's downstairs Bella, but you don't have to say anything, he understands." Alice said.

But I rose anyway. I went into the bathroom and cringing at the face that met me in the mirror, I took care of my body's needs, then splashing some water on my face, and brushing my teeth I walked back into the room. Edward was alone, sitting on the edge of my bed.

He looked up at me, anguish in his eyes. "I'm sorry Bella, I wished there was something I could do to make this easier for you."

"You already are Edward. You are here for me. You are being strong enough for both of us. Thank you. Now I need to talk to Carlisle." He nodded, rose and then together we walked down the stairs to face Carlisle.

"Bella! How are you feeling today? I'm sorry about any side effects you might be experiencing from the medication I gave you."

"I'm fine Carlisle, a little thirsty and my head feels fuzzy but apart from that I'm ok. I've been through worse" I tried to grin as I said this but I think I failed.

Taking a deep breath I began "Carlisle, I am so sorry for my reactions yesterday." He began to shake his head but I stopped him before he could interrupt me "Please let me finish… I don't hate you and you are the most honest person I know. I know you didn't lie to me and I am very sorry for anything I might have said to you yesterday. I'm ashamed at the way I acted." I bowed my head.

Carlisle moved towards me and hugged me to him. "Don't worry about it Bella, it's understandable considering everything you have been through. Besides, I've heard worse from Emmett!" He grinned at me for a second before his demeanor changed, becoming more serious.

"We do need to talk about some things Bella, I know it will be hard for you. But I truly believe the quicker we deal with this, the easier it will be in the long run." I just nodded at him. "Will you please meet me in my office?"

"I'd rather stay here. I mean, I want everyone to be here with me. Is … is that ok?" I asked.

"Of course Bella, whatever is easier for you. Why don't we all sit down?" Then gesturing towards the table in the dining room I began to move slowly towards what I knew would be the hardest conversation I would ever had.

Over the next hour we talked about funeral arrangements for Renee, Phil and Charlie; even though his body had yet to be found we realized that Charlie would not be coming back. Alice and Rosalie would deal with choosing the caskets, flowers, prayer book etc. Carlisle would speak to the preacher of the church in town and arrange the ceremony. Esme would deal with the catering for the gathering that would be held here after the burial service. Jasper had left to talk to Mr. Jenks about the estates of all parties.

Emmett and Edward were responsible for closing up Charlie's house. I couldn't set foot in it and I knew I never wanted to. I already knew that Charlie would have left everything to me but it didn't matter. The house could burn for all I cared. But there were things I wanted from it; Charlie's fishing rod, the letters I had saved from Renee, the myriad of photographs Charlie had accumulated and the pillow from my bed. I also wanted the blue flannel shirt Charlie wore on Sundays when it was too cold to fish.

Everything else was to be given to goodwill. I did not want it. Any of it. And then the house I wanted to give to Jacob. He and Juliette would be able to make good use of the house; it was close enough to the reservation that Jacob could keep up with his pack responsibilities; and the closeness of the woods behind the house meant he could phase quickly. At the same time, it was a house they could turn into a home.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper had already cleaned up the house, repainting all the rooms and removing all traces of any violence.

Of course, if Jacob did not want the house then I wanted it to be sold and the proceeds given to charity. I wanted nothing from that house.

As for me? All I had to do was survive; breathe in and breathe out. Once it became clear I didn't want to make any of the decisions Alice had organized evrything for me. I was so grateful for her. I knew I didn't have the strength or the courage enough to be able to do anything.

Juliette and Jacob came to visit me at the Cullen house. We went outside, down by the stream. Jacob seemed to be less tense outside the house than inside. I met them alone although I knew that Edward hovered close enough to be back if anything were to go wrong. He did not want me meeting Jacob without him but I insisted. I wanted to talk to him. Jacob and Juliette were my friends and had been there for me when I was falling apart the last time. They understood.

Edward felt that Jacob was dangerous, but I just laughed at his over-protectiveness. Jacob would never do anything to me. Jacob of course felt the same way about Edward and the rest of the Cullen's. He hated the thought of me staying here with them, but I refused to move to reservation with him.

When it was time to leave, Juliette and Jacob rose together and I walked them through the gardens to Jakes Volkswagen. As soon as Jacob started the car, Edward and Alice appeared behind me. I saw Jacob tense and then relax as Juliette placed her arm on his. I was grateful to her for acting as a mediator for me. I promised to call in the morning and they left.

Alice and Edward each took one of my hands. Edward squeezed my fingers and smiled at me.

"Billy wants to be at the service. Jake says the pack will send a few of the brothers but some will remain at the reservation, and on the outskirts of the town; on guard."

"That's really nice of him to do that. That way, we can focus on you."

"I'm scared Edward. I don't know if I can do this. I'm not ready to say goodbye." My voice broke on the last word.

"I know… but it has to be done."

"Three more days… just three more days, and then it all becomes real doesn't it?" I didn't need to him to say anything to know that it was already too real. But somehow burying my parents, or in Charlie's case an empty coffin, would seem so final.

"We are all here for you Bella. We will help you get through it. We are your family now" Alice said sadly. I squeezed her fingers.

"You know that Charlie loved you too Alice. You were always my sister in his eyes, you were his family too." She just looked at me with a look of awe on her face.

"Thank you Bella, I love you" she sobbed and then ran into the house into Jaspers arms.

"Come love, let's go inside" Edward said as he gently pulled me towards the house.

**Authors Note:** Just so we are clear, the question of what happened to Charlie will be answered later on in this story. His body has not yet been found. But it will, I promise. So you know what to do now... if you review, I'll continue posting this story :)


	13. Chapter 13 Crest

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own the world of Twilight, that still belongs to the wonderful SM.

That evening was spent quietly with Edward, Alice and Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett had gone off for the evening; I was worried that I was the reason behind their disappearance but both Alice and Edward were quick to tell me that this was something they did a lot. When I pushed the issue Alice told me that when Emmett was particularly frisky and wanted to role-play, they would go somewhere more private. Edwards's soft chuckle as he hugged me to him only made my blush deepen.

Carlisle and Esme were in the front room with us, but chose to snuggle on the couch rather than join in any of our games.

For a few hours we played Scrabble, Uno and then we talked a little about our childhood, well I talked and they listened. Alice loved to hear of my summers spent in Forks with Charlie; about hours spent on the lake fishing, or how he would insist that Santa dropped by on his summer vacation to give me extra presents for being such a good kid. Both Edward and Jasper laughed at my description of finding Charlie one time with the bag of sand in his hand as he tried to make Santa footprints across the front room and then Charlie trying to get out of it by pretending to be sleep-walking.

I talked of the afternoons spent at the Ballet studio in Phoenix with Renee; learning to be more graceful. I talked of how she would patiently help me practice at home, even though we both knew I sucked! At ever dance recital she would be there to cheer me on, even though I was always hidden way back in the corner.

Each memory I shared was bittersweet to me; on the one hand I wanted to share these happy memories with Alice; after all, she was grieving with me, she loved Charlie in her own way. At the same time, part of me wanted to be selfish and keep these memories just for me but I shared them with her just as she tried to share my pain.

I cried softly as I told them about the first time that Charlie took me to a Chinese restaurant in Port Angeles where I tried to eat my rice with chopsticks. I was eight at the time and already had a stubborn streak in me. I was determined to succeed. We sat for three hours as Charlie patiently showed me time after time how to hold my chopsticks. I ate my rice one grain at a time. Charlie refused to settle our bill until I was satisfied with my attempts. Our meal was free that night and I left the proud owner of my very own plastic chopsticks wrapped in paper!

I even told them about my one attempt at a life of crime; there was a comic book I wanted but Charlie wouldn't let me buy it and I didn't have enough money to pay for it. So, I went to the garage station on Main Street and when the cashier wasn't paying any attention I snuck it into my jacket and then ran home, like a hellion.

I didn't sleep that night; my guilt was eating away at me. That Friday when Charlie gave me my allowance I went to the big store at the other end of town and bought two copies of the same comic and then was caught by the cashier at the garage station when I tried to place the comic books on the shelf. Charlie arrested me and put me in "jail" for two whole hours! My life of crime was over before it even began.

For the rest of the evening Jasper and Edward insisted on calling me jailbird; I could only hope that no-one would tell Emmett or I'd never hear the end of it.

Around midnight my eyes began to burn and I knew it was time for me to sleep. Sighing I looked around at my friends, my family. "Thank you," I whispered looking at each one of them, lingering on Edward. "Thank you for letting me talk about them, it made me feel closer to them."

"No thank you Bella," Alice said, "I feel like I know so much more about Charlie and Renee now. I feel like I could have been there too. Thanks for sharing."

"Your childhood explains so much about you." Jasper snickered "I'm surprised that Charlie and Renee had any hair left with you."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, everyone lost in their own thoughts until I yawned. Edward rose from the sofa, offered me his hand "Let's go Bella, you need to sleep."

I just looked at him, love and concern was evident across his face; and his eyes were dark and piercing as he stared at me, at my lips. My heart jumped. Did he want to kiss me? Did I want him to want to kiss me? My heart began to race and he just looked at me curiously.

"Bella?" Are you ok?" he asked automatically closing the gap and pulling me into his cool embrace. Kissing my head lightly he pulled back a little to look at my face but I couldn't meet his eyes.

I laughed, but even to my human ears it sounded false. "I'm fine, just a head rush. I guess I shouldn't have stood up so quickly."

"Let's get you to bed Bella," he said.

"G'night Bella! See you in the morning!"

"Sweet dreams Bella!"

"G'night guys see you later!" I replied.

That night Edward stayed with me again. I was a little anxious to realize how much I had come to rely on him. Had it really been only a week since we had been reunited? We lay side by side just staring at each other. He took my right hand and placed soft and oh so sweet kisses on my open palm before placing my hand on his cheek and closed his eyes. "Bella…" he sighed.

It seemed like forever to me before his eyes opened again. He looked at me with such love I thought I must be dreaming. "Thank you Bella, for letting me stay with you."

I just smiled and stared. Slowly my eyes began to droop and I fell into a deep sleep.

"Nooo! Don't leave me, not here, not now!" I screamed. My gut-wrenching sobs hurting me. "Please don't do this Edward! Stay! What can I do?" I gasped.

"Wake up Bella! It's a dream, it's just a dream."

My eyes flew open and I realized I was in bed. But Alice was the one holding me; not Edward. I frantically searched for him but realized he was not in the room.

"A… Alice?" I stuttered, confused and scared. "What's happened? I mean…where is Edward?"

"It's ok Bella, relax! Edward will be right back. He went to hunt, but he didn't go far. I'm here Bella, you're not alone." Alice crooned to me at the same time hugging me close to her.

"Bella my dear, do you want me to give you something to help you sleep?" Carlisle asked. I hadn't even realized that everyone had come into the room.

"No" I sobbed, "It was just a dream, just a dream. I…I'll be fine." I said. My body was shaking and I felt like I had been ripped apart. I was appalled to realize that even though my head was saying I wasn't falling for Edward my heart had already made that leap again. I was utterly and completely dependent on him. Sub-consciously I had felt his absence and my over-reaction scared me.

I felt embarrassed that my body was shaking so hard. "I don't know why I am acting this way, I'm so sorry for disturbing you all. Its fine, I'll be fine now." I said cringing as my voice waivered.

"Budge over Bella, you are hogging the whole bed." Alice said gently nudging me as she stretched her body out beside me.

"What are you doing Alice?"

"Having a sleepover Bella, what do you think I'm doing?" she retorted.

"You don't sleep Alice."

"So?"

"So go spend time with your husband, I don't need a baby-sitter!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he went to keep Edward company. I was lonely and wanted to sit in here anyway."

"Oh." I gave up arguing with her. Alice could be so stubborn when she wanted to and I wasn't in any condition to argue over something so trivial. I hadn't realized that Carlisle and Esme had already left the room and closed the door.

"Fine, stay then, but put the light out please, I need to sleep."

"Thank you Bella!" she said bouncing from the bed. Before I could count to two the light was off and she was back beside me.

We lay there side by side for a little while. The silence felt so solid, so heavy. And I wasn't ready to sleep yet.

"Alice?" I whispered.

"Bella?"

I gulped and then took a deep breath. "Alice I need your help. I want to make sure I wear something special on … what I mean is I don't have anything I should … crap! What I mean is I don't know what I need to wear to the … the funeral."

I felt her hand take mine and clasp it tight. I heard her sigh and then she said in a soft voice "Of course Bella, tomorrow we will go find an appropriate outfit for you. Whatever you need."

"I'm scared Alice. I don't know if I can do it. How do I say goodbye?" the tears began to fall as I said this.

"I don't know Bella, but I do know you will get through this. You are not alone in this; we are here to help you, to support you. I won't lie, Monday will be a hard day to get through, but you will make it."

"You've changed Alice; you're not as pushy as I remember," I said, trying to break the tension.

"I'm trying. I know you have changed since we left; you have matured into an amazing woman. I know I can be pushy, bossy and it's instinctive for me to want to dress you everyday, but I'm trying to respect the woman you are now."

"Thanks."

"But make no mistake, you are my sister. And as a sister, I will use my right to tell you if you look awful."

"I take it back, you haven't changed a bit," I chuckled and playfully nudged her.

"Sleep Bella, we have a busy day ahead of us."

**Saturday **

I woke up feeling relaxed and safe. I sighed.

"Morning my love," a smooth velvety voice called to me. Edward moved quickly to my side.

Yawning, I blinked and stared into his golden eyes. I couldn't prevent the wide grin from forming on my face. "Morning! What time is it?"

"It's only 7.30 Bella; you have about another hour before Alice will demand you get up." He was smiling as he said this, the crooked smile that I loved so much.

"Good, I'm not quite ready to move yet," I said "I just want to lie here a little longer."

"May I join you?" he asked.

"I'd like that," I said shyly and before I could blink he was lying beside me, and he pulled me into his cool embrace. I sighed as a feeling of serenity came over me.

"I'm sorry I left you last night…" he began but I quickly interrupted him.

"Don't be sorry Edward; I know how boring it must be for you at night when I'm asleep. I had a nightmare and I over-reacted that was all, it was no big deal." I said shrugging lightly. Hopefully he wouldn't notice the crack in my voice.

"No, I won't leave you again like that. I should not have gone last night. I thought you were deep asleep and that I would be home before you even had time to miss me. I broke my promise to you; I let you down Bella and I am truly sorry, can you please forgive me?"

"Edward, there is nothing to forgive! I was being stupid; I'm the one that should be sorry." I couldn't help it; a small ball of rage was building. "It's not your job to …"

"Edward? Bella? May we come in?" Esme asked from outside the door.

"Yes."

"Morning Edward, Bella. How did you sleep?" Carlisle asked as he walked into the room.

"Fine thanks." I said blushing as I realized I was lying in bed; in my pajamas while everyone else in the room was already dressed for the day. Esme leaned over and gave me a hug before settling on the edge of the bed beside me. Carlisle moved closer but stayed beside Esme.

"Bella, we realize that the next few days might be a little overwhelming for you and that there will be a constant stream of people coming to visit you, to offer their condolences. We wanted to take this time to talk to you, while we could do so privately." Carlisle stopped then to look at Edward and Esme before continuing.

"We have a couple of things for you; things that would make us feel a little better for the times you are away with other friends, doing other things. First, here is a cell phone; all our numbers are pre-programmed and I'm sure Edward or Alice would be more than happy to show you how to work it so that you can program other numbers that you use." He handed over the phone smiling at me.

"Here are two cards for you; one is just a regular ATM card, the pin is something you can set up yourself over the internet, that way you will be able to choose a pin that you can remember easily. The other card is our family credit card. Use this for any expenses that you have…" Edward said but I interrupted.

"No! I don't want your money, I don't need your money, I'm doing fine on my own." I insisted, the tenor of my voice rising slightly with every sentence. My face was scarlet as I realized how rude I was being but I could not just take their money.

"Bella, please! I need you to take them. It's no more than any of us have. We all have the same ATM and credit card. They all go on the same account. It's no big deal." Edward said his smooth velvety voice singing to me. I found myself mesmerized by his mere presence but then I shook my head, this was too important to me to just give in because he still had the ability to dazzle me.

"Quit looking at me like that Edward!" I said in short clipped words; even to my ears the annoyance in my tone was obvious. "I realize I might sound ungrateful but I'm not. I am so glad that you are here for me right now, that I have somewhere to stay. I am willing to take the cell phone; it makes sense actually and I know I will only use it in an emergency. But this…?" pointing to the cards still lying in Edwards hands "These cards are just too much. I don't need your money. I don't want your money. Don't you realize I already owe you more than I can ever hope to repay? I can't take any more from you."

"Please Bella; it will make me feel so much better. You are family now, you need to be treated the same as everyone else." Edward tried to change tactics but I firmly shook my head and refused to look at him, instead focused on the window seat and the soft pillows that had a slight indentation as if someone had just risen from the seat. I imagined that's where Edward had sat while I slept.

"Be reasonable Bella."

"No! You be reasonable Edward. Can't you stop for one minute and see this from my point of view? Think about how I feel?"

"But it's only money; I don't understand what the big deal is."

"Says the rich boy." I retorted.

Before it could turn into a full scale argument Esme interrupted the bickering. "Let's just leave that for a second Edward. I want to give Bella the other item." I heard Edward sigh but he took back the cards and then took my hand in his, kissed it once, smiled at me with his crooked grin that I loved and then looked back at Esme.

"Of course, Esme," he said.

I looked at Esme and I felt ashamed at my outburst; she looked anxious, as if she was afraid to continue, afraid of my reaction to her. I was determined to show better manners; I had been raised to know better. I smiled at her and that must have been the sign she was looking for.

"You know how we all feel about you Bella; to us you are one of our daughters; to Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett you are a sister, someone to love and to rely on. Edward? Well you and Edward share something deeper than one does for a sibling and I realize that you both have issues to work through, but still you cannot deny that you are part of this family."

She smiled at me, and her hand moved slowly and tucked my hair behind my ear so that she could see my face.

"We missed you sorely when we were apart from you; you are an integral part of this family and we wanted to show you that this is a permanent commitment for both sides. I realize we hurt you deeply when we left and there are no words that can express how deep our sorrow is for our actions." At this her voice trembled slightly and I could clearly see the pain in her face; she did love me! She had missed me!

"Oh Esme!" I said as I threw my arms around her and hugged her close. "I missed you too." Then I sat back and just grinned at her.

"Where was I…? Oh yes…" she continued as both Edward and Carlisle chuckled in the background. "You are family, and we wanted to make it official in our own way."

I gasped. Did she mean what I thought she meant? Were they going to change me? Now? Did I want this? It had been so long since I had last thought about this; not since they had left. This seemed to be so sudden… I felt my heart racing as she continued… I was confused I didn't know what to do… if I said no would they give me another chance? If I said yes then what would happen on Monday? Arrggh… I wasn't quite ready for this decision.

I felt Edwards arm slowly stroking my back in a soothing, calming mood. My mind was still stumbling over the consequences of what might be about to happen when I noticed that Esme's right arm was outstretched, palm facing up and there was a long box in her hand. What? Crap! I hadn't been paying any attention to what she was saying.

"I know that you aren't quite like Rosalie or Alice so I chose something less ostentatious, I hope you like it, but please don't be afraid to tell me if you would prefer something else."

My hand shook slightly as I took the rectangular box from her hand. The blue velvet was soft underneath my fingers. Hesitantly I lifted the lid of the box and then couldn't help but inhale sharply. "It's gorgeous! So beautiful… but I… I…"

"May I?" Edward said, watching my face intently. I nodded and so he lifted the delicate chain from the box and placed it around my neck. Glancing down I saw the small pendant with the Cullen crest on it. My eyes filled with tears and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop them spilling over.

I hugged Esme again, as tight as I could. "Thank you!" I whispered. Carlisle came to the side of the bed and leaned forward.

"Welcome to the family Bella!" he said as he gave me a fatherly hug.

I looked over to Edward and his face was … _oh-my-god-were-there-even-words-to-describe-the-beauty-on-that-man's-face-when-he-smiled-like-that_ … I moved closer to him but before I could touch him the door slammed open and a hurricane entered the room.

"It's official now jailbird! You're one of us! Forever!" Alice squealed as she jumped onto the bed, totally knocking the pillows off. Hugging me close she shouted "It's ok guys, she is decent, come in!" and then Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper all came through to join the party in my bedroom.

After I had hugged everyone and Jasper had filled Emmett in on the whole jailbird thing Alice tried to shoo everyone out but Edward wouldn't budge and so everyone stayed where they were too.

"Bella? Now that you are family, you have to take the cards. It's part of the deal. Everyone contributes to the family and so everyone takes what they need from the family account. It's easier to have just one account that we all use."

"I don't." I said.

"If it makes it easier for you to accept this, then why don't you have your wages deposited into the family account so you too are contributing?" Jasper stated matter-of-factly.

Edward just smiled and nodded at him. I looked at Jasper gratefully; he understood how inadequate I felt. I thought about it. I could do that; have my meager salary deposited into the family account and then make sure that I always spent less that I contributed.

"OK, I can do that. Provided that you allow me to contribute to the account I'll take the damn cards!" I said pouting. Edward laughed and hugged me.

Alice then insisted everyone leave so I could get ready. She of course stayed to make sure I dressed appropriately as her sister. She took some time to look over the chain and pendant given to me. The silver chain was actually white gold and I was surprised when I didn't really care; I LOVED this necklace, the filigree chain was so delicate and sat so prettily around my neck. The pendant with the crest was the perfect size; not too big and not too small. It felt right on my neck.

After I was dressed and ready to face the world we descended the stairs. Edward was waiting for me, hugging me close he kissed my head, and then took the pendant gently in his hand. Looking into my eyes he smiled and said softly "This pendant suits you. It looks like it's something you have always had. Welcome home Bella."

I just smiled at him, lost in his pools of liquid gold. Time stood still again and I found myself inhaling deeper than necessary. Essence of Edward was so unique and I craved this; his sweet scent had been missing for too long. My body betrayed me with the basic instinct to move closer and inhale. Memories flooded my mind; how his lips felt on my skin, how my body responded to his cool touch, how when he breathed on me I could taste him; never had I tasted anything so exquisite, so divine.

Instinctively I found myself moving closer, trying to erase the space between us. Staring at his delicious lips I leaned closer … closer… my heart hammering and my breaths becoming shorter … closer still. I noticed he too was drawing slowly closer, his eyes now a darker shade, and his breaths also unsteady.

"C'mon Bella! We need to leave. Now!" battle-ax Alice shouted and the spell was broken. I blushed as I realized I had almost flung myself at him.

"Oops!" I said and then tentatively smiled at him. He just laughed and then hugged me as he walked past me into the kitchen and thumped Emmett for whatever it was he had mumbled to him.

To my surprise both Esme and Rosalie asked if I minded that they intrude on our plans. I was shocked that Rosalie wanted to be in such a small confined space with me.

Our journey to Post Angeles was uneventful. I found myself daydreaming and thankfully everyone left me to my own thoughts. I smiled each time I realized that I was continually touching my pendant to make sure it was really there. Who knew that me, Bella Swan, would ever want to wear a piece of jewelry like this? Don't get me wrong, I did wear a watch every day, and sometimes ear-rings and bracelets. But these were always costume jewelry and somehow I knew that the Cullen's hadn't gone to Claires for this pendant.

When we got close to the city I was surprised to note that we hadn't gone to Port Angeles after all but actually on the outskirts of Seattle! Alice must have really been speeding this time and I hadn't even noticed.

"Seattle Alice?" I asked.

She shrugged "Well I wanted to make sure we were able to get appropriate outfits for Monday and perhaps even pick up another few things while we are here."

The next two hours were an education for me; Alice really was trying. For once, she didn't drag me to a myriad of stores and force me to try on many things. She kept it very simple and sedate, well as sedate as Alice could be. Our first stop was a designer store that had no sign above it; nor did the clothes have any tags on them. Alice made it clear what she wanted to see and before I knew it she handed me an outfit; a long black skirt, fitted to just above the knees and then it flared out slightly to the ground. She had paired that with a deep blue shirt that had a slight v-neck opening, was fitted through the waist and then draped down low on hips. A black jacket completed the outfit and I knew it would work for Monday.

Even though I didn't quite understand why, I knew it was important for me to have just the right outfit for Monday. I wanted to be the best that I could for … for when… I stopped. I couldn't. I felt overwhelmed, panic seeping through me, closing my airways.

Rosalie put her arms around my shoulder and hugged me. "It's ok Bella. Just relax."

I don't know what shocked me the most; my wanting to pick a perfect outfit or Rosalie hugging me! My body trembled and so she hugged me tighter until the tremors subsided. She smiled at me, patted me and then turned around.

"I think this works for me, what do you think?" and I couldn't speak, only nod. She took was dressed mainly in black but had a red shirt instead of my blue one. I noticed that Alice had similar clothes too but with a white shirt. Tears spilled from my eyes as I realized they were showing me in their own way that they would be there for me, that I could count on them. They had both forgone their usually flamboyant clothes for something more dignified. This meant more to me than anything else they could have done.

Alice appeared with a pair of calf high boots. They were made of a soft black leather and had small heels. I put them on and was amazed at how comfortable they were. She looked with me in the full-length mirror and smiled "Charlie will like that outfit Bella, you will make him smile."

After I had changed back into my jeans I found Esme was waiting for me outside the dressing room. We walked to the food court and I chose a simple ham and cheese sandwich and a glass of apple juice. Rosalie and Alice joined us just as I was finishing my lunch, laden with more bags.

Our journey home was quiet. Rosalie drove as Alice joined me in the back seat. We chatted a little about people from school; she was happy that I was still in touch with Ben and Angela but not surprised to note that the only time I saw Mike or Jessica was when I came back to Forks. I told her about life in Alaska and was grateful that she didn't comment on my lack of social activities there.

I must have dozed off because I awoke in Edwards arms as he carried me from the car into the house.

"Evening sleepy-head. I'm glad you are home, I missed you." He said softly.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost 6pm. There is a storm coming, that's why it's so dark right now."

He placed me gently on my feet once we reached the door. Taking my hand we walked slowly inside. Emmett handed me a list of people that had called during the day. I glanced over the list and then decided to call back Jessica, and then Jacob. My call to Jessica was just painful. It was obvious she didn't really care for me, but was more interested in finding out why I was staying with the Cullen's and if Edward and I were together. I couldn't deal with her incessant babbling right now.

Emmett grabbed the phone from me "Jessica, we really need to go now, we are waiting on Bella so that we can sit down to dinner. Geoffrey, that's the butler, is getting quite impatient and we don't really want to get on his bad side, so I'm afraid we need to hang up now," and with that he promptly hung up on her.

I was too shocked to say anything; I knew I must have looked like a complete idiot just sitting there, with my mouth hanging open. He just winked at me and walked away.

That evening, Jacob, Juliette, Sam, Emily and Seth all came over. It was strange at first; having werewolves and vampires in the same room as each other. But somehow everyone managed to be civil to each other.

Jake told me about the Quileute remembrance ceremony they were having tomorrow night in memory of Charlie. I was touched by this and happy to be able to be a part of the ceremony. Sam explained to Carlisle that the elders had met and that they could allow two vampires to accompany me. I was shocked at this; I didn't think there was anyway that any of the Cullen's would ever be allowed on Quileute land!

Juliette made it so much easier for Jake to be there and she helped diffuse the situation anytime that Jake seemed to get agitated. They left just after 10pm with the promise to call in the morning.

I had survived another day, just two more to get through.

**Sunday**

For the first time, Edward and I were alone in the house. He had left me to shower and get dressed and when I joined him in the kitchen there was no-one else around. It felt strange, but not uncomfortable to be alone with Edward.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Oh, they all went hunting this morning, they will be back soon." His answer seemed vague for some reason but I shrugged it off. "I thought you might like something simple for breakfast," he said as he gestured towards the bowl of cereal and spoon on the counter. Next to that, there was a bowl of freshly cut fruit and a glass of orange juice.

Smiling widely I said thanks and then ate my cereal with enthusiasm.

"So, what would you like to do today?" he asked.

"Well, I was thinking that I wanted to go to the reservation and hang out with Emily and Juliette for a couple of hours. We have some things to go over for her wedding and…" I stopped talking. The look on Edward's face startled me; his angelic features were marred with an anger and rage that had this been on anyone else's face I would have been scared.

"Wh..what?" I asked.

"I'm afraid you cannot go to the reservation right now." He said in a tone that brooked no argument.

"Why not?"

"Because I cannot allow that, your safety…"

"You cannot allow it? YOU??!!" I interrupted him… the anger that I had successfully swallowed for days erupting to the surface. "What do you mean you will not allow it? Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do Edward Cullen?"

"It's not safe Bella." He said in a tone that I associated with a parent using on a child. "Werewolves are notorious for being unable to control their tempers, people around them get hurt. Alice and I will take you tonight and you can spend time with your friends then."

"I won't get hurt Edward, Jake would never hurt me and I need to go, I want to go and there isn't anything you can do to stop me." I was all but daring him to stop me. I was surprised at how mad I felt; but I was astute enough to know that it wasn't just about this conversation and his telling me not to go to the reservation; this anger went deeper; this anger was for all the time I spent without him, the lies he had told and for trying to be so flipping perfect now! "And I don't want to wait until this evening for the ceremony, I want to go now!"

"No."

"You can't stop me Edward. I'm an adult. I can do what I want, when I want."

"No. I can't let you do that."

When he said that, I knew he wouldn't back down, but neither would I. I ran up the stairs to my room shouting for Edward to leave me alone. When I entered the room I quickly found the cell phone Carlisle had given to me and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey Jake! Can you come and get me? I want to come over but Edward is being difficult and I have no way to get there."

"What's the bloodsucker's problem?"

"Stop it Jake, I don't need this from you too, so will you pick me up or not?"

"Be there in five Bells!"

"Bye Jake."

Grabbing my bag with my wallet and keys in it I stormed back downstairs to confront Edward. He was sitting on the porch, on the stairs with his back to me, his head was in his hands and I was surprised that he hadn't turned to me.

"Edward?"

He sprung to his feet and turned quickly to face me. The anguish on his face made me feel guilty, just for a second, but this was too important to give up on.

"I didn't hear you there, have you decided to be reasonable Bella?" he asked tightly. I just shook my head. He paced up and down in front of me, pinching his nose with his thumb and forefinger of his right hand.

"Bella please! Try and be reasonable; you must know it's too dangerous; you just need to look at poor Emily to see how badly things can get. I will not allow you to put yourself in that kind of danger!"

"I'm going Edward. You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot visit. And how dare you talk about Emily like that? You don't know what happened and you have no right to judge!"

"I know that Sam hurt her; I saw it in his mind Bella. I know how unpredictable their tempers can be. It's not safe for you… they can't protect you like I can."

"How. Dare. You!" I screamed. "Who was there to put me back together when you abandoned me? Jake, that's who! Who was there when I could barely function every day? Jake was!" I started walking towards him until I was standing right in front of his face. "Who was there for me when I was doing dangerous stunts trying desperately to hear your voice? Jake!"

I prodded him with my fingers; part of my brain was screaming at me to stop, I was hurting him with my words but I was too far gone to listen to reason; I was mad and he needed to hear this.

"You left me Edward. You left me broken that day in the forest. You didn't give a shit what your leaving would do to me; you did what you thought was right. Well guess what Edward? You were wrong then and you are wrong now. Jake and the others are not a danger to me. They do protect me; they have protected me since that day you left me for your … your distractions."

"Really? They protected you so well that your whole family was slaughtered Bella, how was that protection?" he shouted back getting louder and louder. His fists were clenched and his eyes a pitch black. For once he looked like the monster he always said he was. But still I did not stop.

I did not think about it … my hand rose of its own accord and I slapped him! Hard! I knew that it would have no effect on him, that it would not hurt him. His head snapped to the side and I realized that he had done that so that I would not hurt my hand as much as I would have had his head not moved. That just escalated my anger! How dare he try and protect me like that!

"How can you say that?" I spat at him, "That was despicable! They did the best that they could. How dare you blame them for that? They saved me from Laurent before; they spent many nights patrolling; protecting me when they didn't have to. They should have been protecting their tribe, their lands and I… I …" and I stopped.

I couldn't continue; it just hurt way too much. I clung to my own body in desperation, trying to hold my sides together. I was splitting apart, my breaths coming hard and painful. I could no longer see his face from the tears that were streaming down my face. I heard the gasps coming from my throat as I tried desperately to get my emotions under control.

"My God Bella, what have I done? Forgive me!" he pleaded, dropping to his knees in front of me.

"Get up Edward." Seeing him like that gave me no satisfaction; it just makes me angrier. "Quit trying to be so damn perfect all the time. It's not natural. Finally you show some emotion…"

"Get away from her bloodsucker! What the hell have you done to her?" Jake screams interrupted me as he ran towards us. Neither of us had noticed his arrival, we were too busy beating each other up with our words.

Edward stepped back and raised his hands in supplication. "Jacob. I did nothing; Bella and I were just disagreeing on something."

"Bells? What do you need honey?" Jake asked softly as he hugged me to him. Jake stared coldly at Edward and I saw him flinch. "Haven't you done enough leech? Can't you see what you are doing?"

"Nothing, I'm ok." I sobbed, shaking hard in his arms. My heart screamed at the heat emanating from him, it was burning me, and I wanted to feel cold arms around me.

"Bella? Please don't go like this. We need to talk."

"There is nothing more I can say to you Edward. Not right now. Not without hurting you further. I need to go. Right now!" I said my voice scratchy and quiet.

"I can't let you Bella." He said softly, his velvety voice sad and full of regret. "I can't let you leave with things like this between us."

"I have to Edward, before we say too much and can't come back."

"She's right Edward, you need to let her go for now." Alice said, running to his side and grasping his hand. Looking up, I saw that Alice, Jasper and Carlisle had all come onto the driveway. They had returned from their hunt. I felt the tremors in Jakes body and knew he felt uncomfortable being surrounded with so many vampires. But I was grateful for their presence. They would make sure Edward was ok.

Jasper placed a hand on Edwards shoulder and at the same time I felt a wave of calm spread over me, totally defusing the anger inside me. He looked at me and smiled.

"Let's go Jake." I said taking his hand and moving towards his car. Looking back over my shoulder I whispered "I'm sorry," as I got into the car. All four of the Cullen's just looked at me. Carlisle slowly nodded his head my way and Jake began to drive down the driveway.

I looked back only once; Edward was on his hands and knees on the ground and Alice was trying to hug him. That sight was scorched on my brain and the tears and sobs began afresh. I had hurt him with my cruel words and by hurting him I had only hurt myself.

How could I ever fix this mess?

**Authors Note:** Well? What do you think? You know the drill, you review and I'll keep posting.


	14. Chapter 14 Honesty

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything in the Twilight universe other than the plot for this wee story.

**Thank you:** To everyone who takes the time to review and let me know what they think. It's appreciated. Truly.

**Author's Note:** I know I said last chapter that this would the funeral chapters, but I was inundated with requests to make part of this from Edwards POV and so my plot outline has been skewed...again. This chapter was much too long to continue it with the ceremonies and so that will take place next chapter and then we will find out what happened to Charlie.

This chapter starts off in Bella's POV and then we switch to Edwards' half way through the chapter.

"Bells? You ok? … Bells? What happened?" Jake asked.

"Not now Jake, I just need a second," I said in between sobs. My heart was breaking, I couldn't breathe and I felt as though I was being ripped apart. My heart ached and I was having difficulty not to give in to the hysterics I could feel building up.

"Need me to pull over?"

"No Jake, it's fine, I just need a second ok?"

He nodded and then allowed me to just sit there as he made the short drive to La Push. Driving right past his house, he took the turnoff to the beach. After he parked, he came to my door; opened it and then gave me his hand.

I looked up to him, arched my eyebrow, "the beach Jake?"

"Yeah, I thought you might want to talk first. You know, just us?" He shrugged and then nodded his head in the direction of the beach and our special log. "I thought it would be easier here, but we can go to the house if you'd prefer?"

"Thanks," I whispered and taking his hand we walked to the log. I sat on the log first, Jake following my lead and then he pulled me towards him, wrapping his right arm around my shoulders. We just sat there in silence until I had control over the tremors in my body and my tears had stopped. He just hugged me closer when I felt the panic begin to take me over again. All the time, I could hear him softly telling me it would be ok.

I sighed.

"Better?" he asked.

"Not really. I did an awful thing Jake. I'm a horrible person." I stuttered.

"I don't believe that Bells, you are one of the sweetest people I know. What happened?"

"Well, when I told Edward that I wanted to come here today to spend time with Juliette and Emily he said I couldn't." Jake snorted at that. "He actually tried to forbid me from coming and I wouldn't listen to him… and then … things just got worse. I said some things that I shouldn't have and he did too. I hurt him Jake. I don't know how he can forgive me for what I said." I hung my head in shame as I said that.

"Did you say anything that was a lie? Or were you telling him the truth? Even if the truth hurt him?"

"The truth, I was just so mad Jake, but my words were cruel. I could see I was hurting him but I couldn't stop. I was just too mad. He won't forgive me for this."

"Edward will forgive you anything Bella. Any fool can tell you that!" he laughed, and hugged me close, kissed my head and then bent down to pick up a pebble before launching it into the ocean.

"I'm surprised at you Bella. Didn't think you had it in you to argue with him. What's up with that?" he asked.

"I dunno Jake, I just got mad. Once I started I couldn't stop. All this evil stuff just spouted out my mouth, I couldn't stop it."

"Probably for the best, Bells" he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I can see how you feel about him; even after all this time, after everything he put you through. As much as I don't like the idea of you and … and Edward. I get it. I can see how he feels about you too. And I'm beginning…"

"Wait! Did you just call him Edward? What's up with that? You never call him by his name. What gives Jake?"

"Can't I have a change of heart?" he asked, with a look of chagrin on his face. "He's not that bad really."

"Wow! You are the last one I would ever think to jump on the Edward Cullen bandwagon. What the hell Jake?"

"After Friday night, I got to thinking about him and …"

"What about Friday?" I asked.

"He didn't tell you? You don't know about our fight?"

"You fought? You and Edward fought?" I screamed jumping up and staring at him, my hands balled into fists at my side.

"Well not each other Bells, and it wasn't something I had planned on happening," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Relax Bells, you should be happy that we can be civil to each other," he took my hand and pulled me back onto the log. "Are you sure you want to hear this? I mean, you have enough to worry about right now without me adding stuff to them."

"Jake! Just tell me what happened! I hate being in the dark."

"OK Bells."

Over the next hour he told me about the incident on Friday evening. How the pack, with the exception of Seth, who was in the village keeping guard, had been deep in La Hoh forest when they came across fresh tracks from several vampires. They followed the tracks and came across six vampires and a fight broke out. Edward and Jasper had arrived shortly after the fight began; they immediately joined the wolves and helped to destroy the vampires.

I shuddered at the thought of any of my friends getting hurt.

"Sshhh Bells, it's ok" Jake said. I hadn't realized I had begun to whimper and shake.

"So there we all were, watching the remains of the bloodsuckers burn when we heard a howl from the village. It seems that Victoria and another leech had used the bloodsuckers here as a distraction and had come into the village from the ocean."

"No!" I gasped, hugging myself tightly; trying to hold myself together.

"Bells! I'm sorry, I'll stop." He said hugging me closer. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No Jake, I need you to tell me everything."

"Only if you're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"So, there we were all stuck out in the middle of the forest. We began to run back towards the village when Edward and that other one, the blonde?"

"Jasper," I said remembering that Alice had told me that he and Edward had gone off to hunt.

"Whatever, anyway they take off towards the village. Man they can run fast! They reached the shores before we did. Seth was being attacked from both sides and if Edward hadn't arrived then I don't think he would be here today," he muttered softly. I must have cried out loud at that because he was quick to continue. "It's ok Bells! He's fine. He had a couple of broken bones but he has healed already. Freaky werewolf shit…remember?" he said grinning.

I just nodded and then gestured for him to continue.

"So, Edward had one of the leeches cornered and the other one … Jasper… right? Well he came up and between them and they had that bloodsucker dismembered before we arrived on the beach. The other one…Victoria I think he called her? Well she was dancing around, trying to get past them at one point and Edward could have had her; but he chose to save Seth instead. He didn't have to do that, I didn't expect him to do that. But he did. He put Seths' needs before his own."

Jake sat for a minute, just shaking his head. "When we got there, Edward just said that Victoria had escaped back into the Ocean. If we hadn't seen it all replayed through Seths' mind then we would have had no idea the sacrifice he made. I know how much he wants revenge on Victoria; how important it is to him that she is destroyed. But he put the life of one of my brothers ahead of his own needs. That meant a lot, to me and to the pack."

He turned to face me before continuing. "I was wrong about them Bella. They are decent beings. There's no doubt Seth would have died if they hadn't been there. And then who knows what carnage we would have found when we made it to the village. She could have taken anyone. Billy, Sue, Emily or my Juliette. I would have died Bella if that had happened. I … I … I owe him everything!"

I sighed. "Great Jake! Here I am trying to vent to you, and what do I find? You have joined the Edward Cullen fan club." I said rolling my eyes.

"Don't go that far Bells! I don't think we'll be inviting them over for tea anytime soon, but yeah I don't hate them like I used to." He said grinning as he nudged me.

I stared out at the ocean for a while; trying to get my thoughts together. On the one hand I was happy that finally Jake could see how fundamentally good the Cullens' were; at the same time though I was angry that, yet again, I had been kept in the dark. How could I trust anyone when no-one was being honest with me?

"What you thinking about Bella?" he asked.

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

I just looked at him. Should I tell him? Would he understand?

His face softened, became serious again. "You can tell me anything Bella; I'll always listen. I'll try to understand."

"Thanks Jake," I had made my decision; I was going to use Jake as a sounding board.

I told him about the Cullens giving me the pendant, the cell phone and the credit cards. I told him how they wanted me to know they would always be there for me; that they wanted to prove they thought of me as part of the family.

"And you don't want to be part of the family now? Is that it? I thought that was what you always wanted?" he asked.

"It's not that Jake. I can't even think about that right now. I'm angry though and I don't really understand why I am."

"Bullshit Bella."

My head snapped up at that.

"You do so know. You just don't want to say it. How can you face up to things when you avoid the issues?"

"Fine! I'm angry at them for leaving. They left me Jake. Just like that!" I spat out. Jumping up from the log I began pacing back and forward in front of Jake. "They say they always considered me as part of the family but then they up and disappear! And then they come back, and I'm grateful that they are here. I truly am. But they are hiding things from me. How can I trust them when they lie to me?"

"They didn't really lie Bella…"

"C'mon Jake. I know they did a great thing for you, but you know that's true. They did lie; when I woke up and Edward wasn't there, Alice told me he and Jasper were hunting. Hunting Jake! Not fighting, not bonding with the wolves just hunting. By keeping secrets from me like this they just … I dunno … I don't know how to say it, but it doesn't feel good." All the fight left me and I sunk back onto the log.

"Have you told them how you feel?" he asked.

"How can I Jake? They have done so much for me I don't want to sound so ungrateful."

"That's a double standard Bella. If you want them to be honest with you, don't you think you should be honest with them too?"

"When did you get to be so smart?" I grumbled.

"What about Edward? Did he tell you why he left?"

"He said that he left to keep me safe. Some joke huh? He said that he loved me; that he'd always loved me… but…but I don't know. I'm scared Jake."

"Bells. I know more than anyone else how scarey this must be; but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. I think you and Edward need to talk. Honestly. Don't you?"

"Sure sure." He grinned at my use of his phrase.

We sat in silence for a while just watching the waves crashing onto the shore. I couldn't help but wonder what Edward was doing now, if he was ok. Would he tell me if he wasn't?

I felt for my cell phone, the one that Carlisle had just given to me. I wanted to call Edward, to make sure he was ok. But I was scared so I took the easy way out; I sent a text.

_Edward, are you ok?_

It only took a few seconds before my phone buzzed.

_I'm fine Bella, don't worry about me. How are you?_

_I'm sorry Edward; I didn't mean to hurt you._

_Bella, I told you, don't worry about me. I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. We all are._

I didn't know what else to say so I sat there, holding the phone, staring at the screen when it buzzed again.

_Will you be coming home before the ceremony this evening? Or would you like Alice to bring you a change of clothes?_

_No. I will be home soon. If that's ok?_

_Of course Bella, this is your home now. You don't have to ask if you can come home._

_Are you mad at me?_

_Never Bella. I could never be mad at you. Please don't worry about anything other than yourself. This will all work out._

_Edward?_

_Yes?_

_Can we talk?_

_Now?_

_No, but soon. I think we need to talk, really talk. I think I'm ready now. I don't want to wait any more. I don't want to hurt you or me like this._

_If that's what you want Bella. I'll be here whenever you are ready to talk._

_OK. I'll be there soon._

_Bye Bella. Be Safe._

I sighed and closed my phone and put it in my bag again. I felt a little better knowing that Edward was ok. I didn't want him to hurt because of me. He didn't deserve that.

"You ready Bells? Do you want to go to Emily's?"

"Would you mind taking me back to the Cullens? I think I need to talk to them first."

"Of course, I'm not surprised that you want to go back. It's the right thing to do. Make sure you are honest with them though Bells. K, lectures over … let's go," he said as he stood up and offered me his hand.

"Jake? Is the fact that Edward helped you on Friday the reason you are allowing them to the ceremony this evening?"

"Yeah, after what they did, we kinda see them differently, not quite kin but not quite our enemies either, ya know?" he said looking at me, "The tribal leaders met and agreed to allow two of the Cullens to the ceremony. They didn't feel able to allow the whole clan to come, but felt this was a way to say thank you. Besides, we thought it might make things easier for you if you had them there."

"Thank you Jake, for everything," I said.

"Anytime, Bells."

As we drove back to Forks the rain was falling. The mist enveloped us and Jakes lights reflected off the mist. It was all very eerie looking. We spent the drive in silence and for that I was grateful. I had a lot to think about; Jake was right; how could I expect the Cullens to be honest with me when I wasn't being honest with them? I wasn't ok with them leaving and I had to tell them that. No doubt they weren't too happy with me either. It was time for us all to clear the air between us.

As we drove along the windy road, the mist suddenly disappeared and as the rain slowly continued to fall the clouds broke and a sunbeam shone down through the trees. The irony of this moment wasn't lost on me and I found myself laughing.

It seemed to take no time at all to arrive back at the Cullens home. Taking a deep breath I stepped out of the car and made my way to the front porch. Jake hugged me close, whispering that I could do it and to call if I needed him before he kissed me and then ran back to his car.

I watched him leave and then turned to open the door of the house.

**EPOV**

What had I done?? What had possessed me to say those despicable things? How could I hurt the one I loved like that? Kneeling on the ground her last words repeated over and over…

"_I have to Edward, before we say too much and can't come back."_

I was terrified that I had pushed her away; that my callous words were too much and that she would not return. I felt the despair slowly returning, enveloping me in its darkness.

"Come Edward, let's go inside," Alice said, "She will be back, I know it."

"Alice!" I whispered, my voice breaking "How could I do that to her?"

"You weren't thinking Edward; you allowed your emotions to overwhelm you. Come; let's go inside, Carlisle wants to talk to you."

I looked up and could see the look of pity on both my father and my mothers face. Everyone else was in the house but their thoughts were screaming in my head. Pity! I didn't need their pity.

"Don't Edward. Don't get angry with us. It's time we talked about this. You need to know how we feel; what we think. And we need to talk about what we will do now."

I just nodded and allowed Alice to lead me gently into the house. My family was seated around our dining table. I sat in the chair to the right of Carlisle, Alice sitting beside me and taking my hand in hers.

"Please listen, Edward," she whispered, "we just want to help and to understand."

Again, all I could do was nod. I felt like I was in shock! Ridiculous! How could a creature such as I suffer from such a human emotion? I sat, in a daze, and just stared at Esme who was directly opposite me on the other side of Carlisle. The thoughts of my family were being hidden from me; Alice was reciting the Lords prayer in Arabic over and over; Jasper was reciting the Declaration of Independence; Esme was thinking of different species of flora; Rose of a fashion show in New York and Emmett was going over the various costumes he had yet to try with Rose. Carlisle's mind was blank; he had long since perfected the means to block me from his mind.

"Edward, you need to control your temper more around Bella," Carlisle began. He stopped and stared at me before continuing "and you need to think about how she feels sometimes; you have to give her some credit for her decisions Edward. You cannot make them for her."

"Carlisle, you don't understand! She wanted to go to La Push. Unaccompanied! I could not allow that!"

"Edward!" Esme spoke, her voice disapproving. "You, of all people, should not have said what you said. No matter what we feel about the wolves, and the dangers that might be there, it has to be Bella's decision whether or not she goes there. Sometimes, you just have to let the one you love go; to make their own decisions, good or bad."

"No! I can't do that Esme. I can't let her be in a position where she might get hurt." I shouted, I could feel myself getting more agitated and I was grateful for the wave of calm that came over me. I nodded to Jasper to acknowledge the help he had given me. "Esme, I love her. I can't help myself. I need to be there, to protect her. I walked away once and see what happened? I cannot do that again … I just can't." I began to sob and I was so far gone that I didn't care that my family was watching me fall apart.

Alice stood and then came to me and wrapped her small arms around me. "I know you love her Edward, but if you don't watch out, you will lose her. Forever."

"Edward? Can I ask you something? Without you getting all up in my face and pissed off?" Emmett asked.

"What is it? Just say it Emmett?" I spat.

"Well, what's the REAL reason you didn't want her to go to La Push? Is it Jake? You do know that he has imprinted right? And that he doesn't see Bella the same way you do?"

"Pathetic Emmett! That has to be the most idiotic thing you have said!" I retorted.

"Is it? Is it really?" he snapped back. "I think there is more to it than simply her being safe around the wolves. God only knows how much we have to be grateful to the pack for. They have protected her for years Edward. When we failed her, when we abandoned her, they were there. You and I both know that no harm would come to Bella around Jake, he would keep her safe."

"But we both know just how dangerous the wolves are!" I spat back.

"Sam was different Edward; he didn't know what was happening to him. He wasn't prepared for all that he was experiencing; and he had to face this alone. Jake had his brothers to guide him. Besides, he has a control that is rare in the wolves; just like his grand-father."

"Edward?" Carlisle interjected, "You need to think about Bella. As she is now; an independent woman, and not as the seventeen year old that you left behind. She has always been capable of making her own decisions and standing on her own two feet."

"But I love her Carlisle," I interrupted him. "I can't fathom allowing anything that would cause her harm."

"Oh Edward. Quit with the diatribe." Rose said, smirking at me. "We all know this is about control. You are so used to being the ears for the family, for being responsible for making decisions when things might become difficult for us and now that you have met someone who doesn't just bend to your will you can't stand it! You hate that she went to La Push, not because she might be in danger; but because she would be outside your control."

"Rose, you shouldn't…" Emmett said as he tried to stop Rose from speaking but Rose jerked her head away from him and continued…

"Shouldn't what Emmett? He has the right to know. We all know he has control issues. We all know he is pushing her away by acting this way. And we all know he is angry with her too, if he is too foolish to see that for himself why shouldn't I help him? Or do you really want to see him fall apart again? Because that's what will happen if he continues making the same mistakes he is now!"

There was silence for a few minutes. I took this time to digest her words. Control issues? Did I really want to have control over Bella? No, she was mistaken. I wanted to protect Bella, yes; I wanted to prevent anything from ever being able to hurt her; physically or mentally but control? No I certainly did not want that.

"I think what Rosalie is trying to tell you is that you are acting in a parental role towards Bella than as a partner. But even a parent realizes that there comes a time when you need to let someone go; think about it Edward. When a human first learns to ride a bike they will fall and get hurt, but if the parent doesn't let the child try then they never will be able to ride that bike. Sometimes, it's harder to let people make their own choices. But you have to let them go or else you will stifle them." As he spoke Carlisle stared right at me; his eyes full of compassion.

In his mind he was going over the rebellious streak I had, when I had left him and moved away from the "vegetarian" lifestyle he had adopted. He had known even before I had left that I was making a mistake and that I would come back to him; ashamed of myself. But he also realized that this was a mistake I had to make to learn from it.

"Edward, if you stifle Bella; you will kill her spirit, and right now? That's all she has left. You need to let her make her own choices; no matter what you think of them. I'm afraid you might chase her away if you don't." Carlisle smiled at me then and added in his mind "_Son, you will lose her if you continue down this path, please don't make that mistake again."_

"At the same time, you need to tell her how you feel Edward," Jasper said. "I know how you really feel; I feel your anger as well as the love you have for her. You need to tell her everything. It's time to be honest with her."

I hung my head, my body was trembling and I had never felt so weak. How could I tell Bella I was angry with her? After everything I had put her through how could I be so cruel?

"If you don't Edward, then you run the risk of this fiasco happening again and again. This will continue until someone says something that just cannot be taken back." Alice said her voice seemed so soft and sad. "I know you don't want that, which is why you have to talk to her now. But Edward, please tell her everything."

As I took in her words my phone buzzed indicating that I had a text message. I thought for a second about ignoring it, but then realized that the only other person to have this number would be Bella.

_Edward, are you ok?_ I read. After everything I had said to her, she was worried about me. I sent a reply and then looked up.

"How do I change? I am so used to using my ability to protect the family, to make decisions when they have to be made quickly. How can I not do the same for Bella?"

"You just have to try Edward. Realize that you are not infallible and then work on it. Tell Bella though, so she can help you. It's the only way you can do this. Together." Esme said gently as she took Carlisle's hand and looked into his eyes.

"You can only have a successful relationship with Bella when you quit treating her as a child and more as a partner; an equal." Emmett said.

"Wow, who knew Emmett had it in him?" Jasper said, breaking the tension around the table.

"We care for you Edward and just want you to be happy. You and Bella need to be together, and as much as you need to make your own decisions, sometimes you just need someone else's advice."

"Thanks."

"Bella is coming home soon, she wants to talk. I need to take a minute to think and then talk to her."

My family just nodded and then rose. "Do you want us to leave?" Carlisle asked.

"No." I said quickly, "I think you should stay, she might feel more comfortable with you here." Besides, I needed my family right now, but I didn't quite know how to ask.

Carlisle wasn't fooled; he smiled gently at me and nodded.

The minutes until I heard Jacob's car pull up to the driveway took forever; I had hoped to know what to say to her, but my mind for once was blank. I was scared. What if she didn't want me? What if she was coming to tell us that she had changed her mind and did not want to be associated with my family? The panic that I had tried so hard to ignore was building and I found this to be quite debilitating. Jasper quickly came to my side and patted my shoulder.

"It'll be ok Edward, but you need to calm down," he said as his wave of calm swept over me.

I sprang to my feet as I heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. I raced to the door and had it open before she had time to turn the handle.

"Bella!" I exclaimed as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. I never wanted to let her go; her smell enveloped me and I was in my own personal heaven. The calm I felt when I was with her far outweighed any manufactured feeling that Jasper could throw at me. I sighed deeply as I felt the tremors wrack through her body and heard her heart race. "I'm so sorry Bella, please forgive me." I begged.

"Oh Edward!" she sighed, and then she hugged me tightly before letting go. Tentatively she took my hand and just stared at me. She hesitated and then gave me a weak smile. This was it. This was where she was going to tell me she couldn't do this any more that she wanted nothing more to do with me. This was what I expected; I was a monster and finally she had realized this. I took a deep breath and then stopped breathing, my face became a mask; I was determined not to let her know how deeply her rejection would hurt.

She cocked her head slightly, a confused look on her face and then this turned slowly into shock! "No, I'm not going anywhere, I just need to talk to you … about everything… but first, I need to talk to everyone else too. Are they all here?" she asked.

"Yes, they are all in the dining room." I stepped back and then walked side by side to the table. I struggled to keep the fear inside me, staring at Jasper I begged him to help me. He must have understood the anguish in my expression because yet again a wave of calm swept over me. I offered Bella my seat, but she refused, choosing to stand at my side.

"I'm sure you all know what happened earlier," she stated looking at each of my family before continuing, "and I think we should talk about it."

"Of course Bella," Carlisle said, nodding his head. "Do you need anything first?"

"A glass of water would be nice."

Emmett flew to the kitchen and returned to the table with a chilled glass of water for her.

"Thanks," she said. Lifting the glass to her mouth she took a long sip. The trembling in her hands was not lost on any of us, my poor love! She was trying to be so brave and yet we could all see how nervous she was. Jasper sent out another wave of calm and then taking a deep breath Bella began…

"I lied to you all," she stammered. "When I said I understood why you left and that I was ok with it. I didn't and I'm not. I don't understand how you can say I was like a member of your family when you abandoned me like that. And it hurts. God it hurts!" she stopped.

Her heart sped up and I could see that she was having difficulty in controlling her breathing. I wanted so badly to take her in my arms and hold her close, but I couldn't. I had to let her say what was on her mind; I needed to understand what she was thinking, how she felt and more importantly what she wanted from us.

"Esme," she said looking directly at her, "I'm sorry, but you hurt me when you left. You called me a daughter but you left. You chose Edward over me; you left me; no note, no phone call, no nothing. I don't get that. What kind of mother does that?" her voice broke as she watched Esme crumple.

"I'm so sorry Esme, I don't mean to hurt you," Bella sobbed and tears fell from her beautiful eyes. I watched as Bella's arms closed around her torso and her knuckles went white. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whispered as she rocked herself back and forth, trying to calm down again.

Her eyes closed and then opening them, she looked to Emmett. "You, you were my big brother and it hurt when I lost you. I thought you cared about me, but you didn't. You just disappeared from my life with no worries as to how it affected me." Emmett just hung his head and nodded. "Didn't you care? Didn't you miss me at all?"

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered, his head still hung in shame.

Skipping over Rosalie she moved onto to Jasper. I could see the uncertainty and the pain on his face as he waited for the judgment Bella would place on him. "Jasper, what happened that night was awful, it was horrific but I never blamed you for it. You were only reacting instinctively and I never wanted you to feel badly about that. But you never gave me the chance to talk to you about it. You ran from me and so I didn't get the chance to tell you that I forgave you. I had forgiven you before you had even left the house, but you never gave me a chance…" he voice broke and my heart shattered again. My poor brave Bella.

Her body was visibly trembling and I couldn't help myself. I had to touch her! I took her hand in mine and she grasped onto my hand like a lifeline. She slowly looked at Alice and the tears poured from her eyes. "Alice, my Alice. You were my best friend. Someone I always thought would be there for me. You knew me almost as well as I knew myself. You said I was your sister, but again, you just left me behind. How could you do that Alice? Not even a goodbye or an explanation. I loved you and you tossed me away."

Alice jumped up and ran to Bella. Hugging her tightly she sobbed "I'm sorry Bella, I'm so sorry. I made a mistake, a horrible mistake but I'm here now. I'm here forever this time. I won't make the same mistake again."

Bella just hugged her tightly, "It's ok Alice, I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you, I just need to tell you how I feel."

"I understand," Alice said is a small voice, "I deserve anything you have to say."

"Alice, we are going be ok again, I already feel better just telling you how I feel. Thanks for loving me like you do."

"Still friends Bella?" Alice asked.

"No," she replied and then smiling added "still sisters."

Turing towards Carlisle, Bella visibly flinched. I could see her pull her shoulders back and stand straighter, as if she was gathering the strength she needed to say what was on her mind.

"Carlisle, you were my second father and I thought the feeling was mutual. You abandoned me too, just like everyone else."

She moved her head so that she was staring at Rosalie. "You were the only one that didn't shock me when you left. I always knew you hated me, even though I couldn't understand it. But still, I missed you when you left."

"I never hated you Bella, I thought it was a mistake but I never hated you…" Rosalie began but Bella interrupted her.

"Please! I need to finish this while I have the courage to … you all left me and I was devastated. It was hard enough knowing that Edward didn't want me, but you abandoned me too. I spent weeks trying to figure out what I had done wrong, what I could have done to prevent you leaving but I couldn't come up with anything. I'm angry at you for leaving and I'm sorry if I've hurt you with what I've said but I need to be truthful. You hurt me and I … I feel all this anger and I don't know what to do."

Esme rushed to Bella's side and enveloped her in a hug.

"Bella, we are so sorry for our actions" she said, her voice cracking. Had she been able to cry I don't doubt that tears would be falling from her eyes. "We made a mistake and if there was anyway to take it back we would. But we can't."

"I know Esme, I know."

"Bella, you need to understand, we have spent years, decades moving from place to place when things get tough. You are the first human that has ever infiltrated our family like this. When we left we thought it was the right thing to do; the best thing to do to ensure your safety. We were wrong." Esme stopped for a minute and looked around at my family.

"I'm sure I speak for everyone when I tell you that we all regret not only leaving you that day, but for staying away so long. We only hope you can find it in that amazing heart of yours to forgive us. We want you here now, we NEED you here. You belong with us; you are part of our family."

Bella just nodded, it was clear she was drinking in each word spoken and then digesting them. It hadn't escaped anyone's notice that Bella had yet to address me; was she leaving the worst to last? Could it be that she could forgive my family but not me? It would be no more than I deserved, but far less than I wanted. It would serve me right to realize that I could not be separated from her again at the same time she realized that she no longer wanted me in her life.

"I … I don't trust you!" she blurted out. "Even now, you keep things from me."

"What do you mean Bella?" Esme asked, sounding confused.

"Friday night, that's what. No-one told me. You should have told me! How can I trust you when you won't tell me things?" she said looking straight at me before glancing around at my family.

"I'm sorry Bella that was completely my fault. I didn't want to cause you any more distress that you already had. When I came home on Saturday morning and found out how upset you had been the night before, I didn't think it was the right time to say anything. If you are mad about that, then blame me. Everyone else wanted to tell you but I refused to let them." I said looking into her eyes as she turned her head towards my voice. Hoping she would see the truth in my eyes.

"Edward," she sighed "You can't keep doing this. You can't make these decisions for me. Can't you see that?" she asked.

I just nodded.

"I don't know why you feel the need to protect me all the time. I'm not a child Edward. I'm not the same person you left behind. I've changed."

"I know Bella, I realize that now." I said.

"But, more than that, I realize how flawed our relationship was before." Before? She said before, did this mean she still wanted me in her life? A small sliver of hope began to form inside. I could live with anything if it meant we could try to work this out.

"It's not healthy for you to treat me more like a child than anything else. That's not the type of relationship I thought we had and yet looking back that's what it was like." Her dropped her gaze from mine. "It's not all your fault, I know that now; I have to take some of the blame too. But still, you have to see how wrong that was? Still is?"

"Yes, Carlisle said something similar to me earlier. It's hard for me Bella. My whole life as this … this monster has been spent protecting my family, making decisions based on the thoughts of others. It's second nature for me to act that way and I didn't think about how it would feel for you; how you would perceive it."

"All I can do now is to promise you that I will try to change. Will you give me the chance to do so?" I asked.

"I'd like that, Edward." She said smiling at me. "But no more lies; no more hiding things from me. I need you to be honest and upfront about everything; even if it's something you know will cause me pain."

"Ok. Bella? If I'm being honest with you I need to tell you something," I looked at her to try and gauge her reaction. Then I realized that I had no choice but to say what was on my mind.

"I didn't realize it until today, but I was angry at you for giving up on us. I mean, after all the times that I told you I loved you, all the ways I tried to show you how I felt and then, the one time I tell you a lie you believe me? You gave up on me? I thought I would have to argue with your for hours to have you believe that blasphemous lie but you didn't." I stopped. Was I saying too much? In for a penny, in for a pound … so I continued.

"Thinking back on that it makes me upset with you for having no faith in me; in my love. Why Bella? Why could you believe the lie so easily?"

"It never made sense for you to love me Edward. I always knew that I wasn't good enough for you, it was inevitable that one day you would wake up and realize the mistake you had made." I was shocked when I heard that. What on earth was she thinking? Didn't she know how I felt?

"That is ludicrous Bella! What do you mean it made no sense? It should have been…"

"Please! Will you two just kiss and make up already! You deserve each other! Neither one thinks the other can love them as much as they love them. You are both pathetic and you really have no choice but to get together. No-one else deserves either of you!" Rose said sarcastically and she rose from the table.

"Let me summarize it for you…Bella thinks Edward can't love her like she loves him, that she doesn't deserve him. Edward thinks the same way too! Both love each other equally and so they deserve each other. We all left Bella, she was angry, she forgave us and now we are just all one big happy family again." Rolling her eyes at that she grabbed Emmett's hand.

"Looks like the drama is over so I'm off out, c'mon Emmett, lets go before Edward gets any more dramatic." She smirked as she said that and at the same time she let me know that I could thank her later in her thoughts.

"We are heading out too, but we're not leaving you again Bella, so get used to it. That pendant is actually a chain around your neck and you're bonded to us, forever." Alice piped up, winking at Bella as she grabbed Jasper's hand and ran from the room.

Esme and Carlisle rose from the table. "Thank you for telling how you were feeling Bella. I know it took great strength to be honest with us. We are all learning how to live and act together, it will take some time but we will make it better. For everyone." Carlisle said as they both walked past us kissing us on the head before heading up to their room.

"Rosalie has a point I guess" Bella said.

I smiled at her, and added "Yes she does, doesn't she? We do deserve each other."

My heart leapt at the smile she gave me in return. I stood slowly and then opened my arms to her. She willingly moved into the circle of comfort I offered. Holding her close I savored the feeling of contentment that came over me. If this was all I was ever to get from Bella, it would be enough. Breathing deeply I allowed her scent to wash over me; every pore of my being was saturated in her sweet smell. This is what I wanted; what I needed.

"I'm sorry I was being so unreasonable Bella. It's hard for me to be away from you now. I panic and I lose all rationality."

"I'll try to understand. But Edward you need to promise to tell me everything. EVERYTHING! Not just what you think I need to hear. No more lies to protect me. Ok?"

"Yes," I agreed. "And you need to realize that I'm not going anywhere, that I'm never going to leave you again. We all are here for you, for as long as you want us."

"That'll be a long time."

As she said that, feelings of elation crashed over me. She wanted to stay! That was much more than I could ever have hoped for.

"Sounds good to me Bella, sounds good to me."

**End Note:** So again, let me know what you think? I'd appreciate it. Besides, I find I'm getting quite addicted to the reviews :)


	15. Chapter 15 Funerals

**Disclaimer: **SM owns the wonderful workd of Twilight, I just own this plot line.

**Note:** This was a hard one for me to write, I hope you like it and it doesn't sound too out there. I know everyone has their own ideas on what constitutes a proper funeral and this is mine. I chose The Corrs version of Everybody hurts as to me it's much more powerful and sedate sung this way; unplugged and raw. However, the words are what gets to you more. I suggest you listen to them as you read this chapter. It will put you in the same frame of mind as I have been as I wrote this.

For the funeral I used the following songs;

Rod Stewart's version of Everything I Own. You can find it here... .go to youtube and then add this after the dotcom /watch?v=epP3N2CAlEA

Bette Midlers version of Wind Beneath My wings. You can find it here... go to youtube and then add this after the dotcom /watch?v=hDURv8fj9dk

And finally The Corrs singing REM's Everybody Hurts. You can find it here ... .go to youtube and then add this after the dotcom /watch?v=kEZRPRwb858

If you prefer the REM version you can find it here... go to youtube and then add this after the dotcom /watch?v=W7g5YKEEPoI

Cindi Broaddus, was a passenger in a car when a stranger threw one gallon of sulfuric acid over the edge of a bridge and onto her car. It wasn't intentional, her car just happened to drive under the bridge as the acid was flung. She chose to be more than just a survivor. Her book "A Random Act" is one of courage, and is inspirational to me. If you haven't read it, I do recommend it.

**Bella's POV**

When the family left, I realized I had said more to Edward that I had planned to; I knew we needed to talk but I hadn't meant right there, in front of his whole family. I thought that we would go somewhere secluded; the meadow perhaps. But after talking things through with his family I seemed to lose control of my mouth and just blurted things out. On the one hand I was mad at myself but at the same time I felt like a lump had been taken from my chest.

When Edward opened his arms to me I didn't think; I acted on instinct and allowed him to hold me. I sighed. It felt like heaven. I knew we still had things to discuss though and now was a good a time as any.

"Edward? Can we go down to the stream for a little while?" I asked.

"Of course, let me grab a blanket first. Do you need a jacket Bella?"

"Not if I have you," I said and then my heart hammered hard in my chest and I felt the blush rise in my cheeks. _Oh my God! Did I just say that out loud! Would he laugh at how cheesy that was?_

His cold fingers gently lifted my head so that I had no choice but to look into his eyes. He smiled at me; my heart skipped a beat entirely. "You will always have me Bella," he said softly as he bent his head to mine. Our foreheads touched as he continued "Thank you for saying that. If it could, my heart would be racing at those five words." He moved slightly, kissing my forehead and then he ran to get a blanket and we walked hand in hand outside.

Looking to the skies I could see that the storm clouds hadn't moved far. There would be more rain today and the air was a little cooler than I realized. I shivered and Edward wrapped his arms around me.

Edward set one blanket on the ground by "our spot" at the side of the stream and then sat towards the back of the blanket. He patted the ground in front of him and I smiled before joining him. He placed the smaller blanket around my shoulders and wrapped me firmly inside it. Keeping his arms around my waist he pulled me back against him. "Is this ok?" he asked me. I just nodded.

Leaning my head back against his cool hard chest I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck so that his cheek was resting on my head. I sighed and closed my eyes. Breathing in his sweet scent I could relax and pretend everything was perfect again. I knew that if I didn't mention anything Edward wouldn't either. I wiggled my hands free from the blankets and gently tugged on his. He allowed me to bring them to by face.

"I've missed you Edward," I whispered as I kissed his hands lightly. I felt his sharp intake of breath. I froze for a second, what if he didn't want this? What if I was making him uncomfortable? His hand trembled slightly before he moved it closer to my lips. I smiled and placed another kiss on the back on his hands before weaving my fingers with his and bringing them back into the blanket with mine. My thumb moved slowly over the contours of his knuckles and I felt Edward pepper my hair with butterfly kisses.

"I've missed you too Bella. More than you can ever fathom. I missed holding you in my arms; I missed the feel of your soft kisses, the way your hand feels at home in mine. The air was malodorous without your sweet scent Bella and there is no sound on this earth that can compare to the siren song of your heartbeat to me." He whispered in-between kisses.

"Tell me what happened Edward. Tell me what you were doing while we were …we were…" I stopped, I felt him freeze. _Crap! I ruined it!_ But I had to know. I needed to know. I wanted to know who and how many distractions he had experienced. I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe and whispered "Please?"

I felt him sigh, and then as if the air had been deflated swiftly from his body he slumped for a second before pulling himself together. "Of course Bella, I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"I want to know everything. No matter how hard it is to tell me, and no matter how much you think it may hurt me I need to know. Will you tell me?" I twisted in his arms so that I could see the expression on his face; so that I could stare into his eyes. He simply nodded, kissed my head slightly and then closed his eyes as he began.

I spent the next hour in shock as I realized that his "distractions" was just a part of the lies he had told me. I was appalled to find out he had left his family and ran away. I hated the thought of my Edward living in an attic; all alone with no family to help him through things. At least I had Charlie, and Jake. Edward had nothing! How awful. But I soon found out that wasn't the worst thing he had done while alone.

The tears began to fall steadily when Edward began to matter-of-factly tell me about how he retreated further and further away from humanity; how he sank lower into his own personal hell. As he admitted to his masochistic actions of refusing to feed I began to shake. The sobs ripped from me when he admitted to living beneath a waterfall, trying to drive out all sounds from his mind. He stopped there.

"Bella! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to cause you so much pain. I'll stop," he said as he rocked me back and forth. I hadn't realized that at some point he had moved me onto his lap and was cradling me to his chest.

"Noooo," I sobbed, "I need to know Edward. I'm sorry if it's hard for you to tell me. But I have to know."

"I understand. I just hate to see you so upset over my own foolish actions."

He continued to describe in vivid detail his own demise and I was horrified to hear how weakened he was when he finally tried to move. In a way it was cathartic though; the doubts that I had that he could truly love me dissipated as I realized that there were no other women in his life and that he hadn't tossed me aside like I had imagined. I was confused; part of me was so sad to hear how horrible his life had been but another part of me was elated that he couldn't function without me. I may not understand why he loved me but it was clear now that he did.

"You love me? You really love me!" I stated, I had just had an epiphany and no longer needed to question his feelings.

"Truly I do," he whispered and his head leaned down towards me. My eyes were fixated on his lips. His beautiful blood red lips. Time stood still as his head dipped down towards mine; his eyes boring into my own lips. His cool fingers fanned across my face before settling behind my head gently caressing my neck. His eyes darkened and my breath hitched.

He stared into my eyes, searching for the answer to an unasked question. I nodded slightly and then his lips crashed into mine. This was not the chaste kiss from our past; this kiss was hot and my lips burned at the contact from his. His scent permeated every cell in my body and my heart thundered away in my chest. He was kissing me! Edward was kissing me!

My arms left his chest and snaked around his back, pulling him closer to me. His lips which were molded to mine began to move. This was new! Slowly our lips found a rhythm as my hands moved slowly over the plane of his back. His left hand remained behind my neck softly cradling my head but his right hand was moving; down my shoulder, along my arm, moving down my side until it rested on my hip. Each place on my body he touched burnt for more. I knew every place his fingers had caressed by the trail of fire running through my body.

His tongue licked at my lips and as both our bodies trembled I felt his tongue finally enter my mouth. Hesitatingly I moved my tongue seeking his until I felt them touch; instinctively I pulled him closer to me and I could feel the pressure of his hand on my hip deepen as our tongues began to dance together. It only took a few seconds before my tongue began to tingle and I realized that some venom had entered my mouth. I swallowed and his taste overwhelmed me.

When Edward realized I wasn't breathing he withdrew his tongue from my mouth and broke our kiss. Giving me time to catch my breathe he began kissing along my jaw line and inhaled deeply into my hair. I couldn't stop the shudders that ripped through my body, nor stop the tears from falling. Edward snapped back and cupping my head in his hands he looked at me.

"Bella? Are you ok?" he asked, confusion written clearly on his face.

I could only nod at him as I continued to sob harder. "I … I'm j..j..just so ha… happy…" I stuttered between sobs. He stared at me for a second and then burst out laughing.

"Oh my Bella…," he sighed contentedly as he hugged me to him. "I never thought a kiss could feel like this. I never thought I would ever have the opportunity to kiss you again. Thank you my love."

He held me close, rocking me gently until my tears had subsided. "Better?" He whispered to me.

"Much."

We sat there in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. I was content to just sit here, in his arms cocooned from the outside world.

As the sky began to darken I felt Edward shift. He sighed, "We need to go inside Bella. It's almost time to head to La Push."

I flinched, this was the part of the day I was dreading. "OK," I squeaked.

Edward rose to his feet and turned and offered me his hand. Pulling me to my feet he tugged a little hard so I crashed into his hard toned body.

"Uummmppphh!" I gasped as he chuckled. My arms reached around his torso and I hugged him close. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

I stepped back a little so that I could look into his eyes. "I love you Edward, always have, always will."

"My love…" he whispered as he lowered his head and kissed me gently on the lips. "I love you more than life itself. Thank you Bella." And then smiling he took my hand in his and we walked back towards the house.

**La Push**

Carlisle had explained to me why Jasper was a better choice to join Edward and I for the remembrance ceremony at La Push than Alice. Edward of course, could use his abilities to read minds and Jasper would be able to diffuse any difficult situations that may arise. Of course it made sense. It wasn't like anyone expected something to happen, but this was a first for everyone. Added to that, emotions would be running high tonight. I was just grateful that I had Edward with me.

As we drove through the town I couldn't help but feel jealous at the people walking the streets; at the kids hanging around the 7-eleven store trading jokes and flirting. They looked so happy. For them life tonight was all about having fun.

The drive to La Push took no time at all and before I knew it we were at the parking lot to the beach. Jake and Juliette were waiting for me, as were Quil and Embry. In the distance I could see a huge bonfire and the residents all sitting around this fire. I was touched to see how many people had come out to show their respects for Charlie; how they considered him one of their own, even if he was a pale face. I felt my eyes pool with tears and I grasped tightly to Edwards hand.

"Shhh Bella, it's going to be ok. We're here." Edward whispered.

Jake, Quil and Embry were resplendent in their traditional tribal wear. As the fire glowed off their skins I could see their well chiseled bodies; uncovered in this frigid air. All had markings on their faces and chests painted in blues and yellows; all were wearing necklaces with tribal symbols, feathers and teeth from various animals on them. All looked like fierce warriors and not the young men that I was used to. Their collective beauty was stunning.

Juliette stood quietly to the side as Jake came forward and hugged me. "You doing ok Bells?" He asked. I just nodded. "I can see your talk went well. I'm happy for you."

Stepping away from me, he shook hands with both Edward and Jasper then turned and introduced them to the others. Juliette stepped forward and gave both Edward and Jasper tiny dream-catchers. Seeing their looks of confusion Jake decided to explain to them what would happen during the ceremony.

He explained that no-one would refer to Charlie by name for fear of tying his spirit to the earth. He pulled out a well-worn baseball cap from his waistband and explained that this was one of his most treasured gifts from Charlie. During the celebration of his life, people would throw gifts given to them by Charlie into the fire so that the winds and the air could take those gifts and use them to guide his spirit westward to his new home in the spirit world. Those who were not familiar with Charlie, or had nothing to give to the spirits would toss in dream-catchers; their dream would be for Charlie to find a safe and speedy way to the heavens.

I could see that both Jasper and Edward were honored to be included in this ceremony.

"Thank you Juliette. This is most gracious and kind of you to think of us this way." Edward said, nodding to her.

"It was nothing, Edward. Thank you for being here, for Bella. I know how hard this must be for you both." She replied.

"Yeah, we will do everything we can to make this as easy as possible for everyone tonight. If you have any reservations about anything, now is the time to speak up." Jake said looking first at Jasper and then Edward.

"We will be fine, thank you," Edward said. "Right Jasper?"

"Right."

"K, then let's go. We have left space for you to the right of the elders. Bella, my dad would like you to sit beside him, and then there is space for Edward and Jasper beside you."

"I would prefer to stand behind Bella," Jasper stated looking at Jake "unless of course, that is improper behavior?" He asked, "I have no intentions of offending anyone, it would just be more comfortable to be slightly away from the others."

"I understand." Jake said as he nodded.

Both Juliette and Jake hugged me before leading the way to the fire. I felt Edwards arm snake around my waist and lead me gently forward. "You are the bravest person I know. You CAN do this Bella," he whispered to me, "Everyone here just wants to show you how much Charlie was loved. This is their way of showing you they love you too. Don't be afraid love."

All I could do was nod. There was a huge lump in my throat and I was scared if I opened my mouth I would start to cry and not be able to stop.

Once we were seated at the fire, I felt the air change around me. The elders all rose and began a chant. It did not matter that I didn't understand the words; I felt the emotions in their voices, in their movements and in the expressions on their faces. The song they sung was light at first and then became darker, more melancholy. When their lament ended there was silence around the fire. All I could hear was my own breathing and the crackling of the logs on the fire.

Billy was the first to break the silence. He told a story of his friend and the endless days spent fishing and sharing wisdom, he spoke of the strength given to him as he mourned his own love. He dreamed of a speedy journey to the Gods for his brother and then tossed an old and well-worn fishing pole into the fire.

Others followed and tales of heroism, kindness and friendships were told. With each tale I felt my heart hurt more. Soon I thought it was going to be too much for me; that I was going to pass out with the intense pain of this grief. Instead, I felt a wave of calm envelope me. I was so grateful for Jaspers presence behind me.

Sam spoke of the time his brother had sat with him for six hours in the waiting room on the night Emily was injured. How this man had refused to leave Sam until they knew Emily was going to be ok. Sam tossed a well-worn business card that I'm sure held every possible phone number for my dad on it.

Emily then spoke of the many times he refused to let her hide her deformities but insisted that she accompany him to watch Sam and the others play baseball. He had given her a book by Cindi Broaddus called "A Random Act" which changed her outlook on what happened and her attitude towards her future. She then threw a torn and battered copy of that book into the flames after first kissing and hugging it to her.

Jared and Paul spoke of the man who caught them breaking into an abandoned warehouse and who rather than cause problems for them, made them do community service at a local children's home. Through his actions, they fast realized they had a responsibility to their youth to set a good example. Jared tossed away the baseball mitt given to him so that he could play games with the kids in the home. Paul tossed in a dream-catcher.

Seth and Leah both spoke of the father figure who helped them deal with the loss of their own father two short years before. Both spoke of the many hours when he would just be there for them, letting them talk, scream or cry; never once judging them, just choosing to be there for them.

Jake spoke of the man who gave up all his free time to re-vamp the house so that Billy could come home once he was wheel-chair bound. He spoke of the man who spent many nights just listening to the frustrations of this boy who feared he would lose his dad just as he had his mother. He spoke of his second father and then kissed the baseball cap before tossing it gently into the burning fire, tears streaking down his cheeks.

I watched as wisps of smoke and dancing embers made their way up to the heavens. I hoped that wherever he was now, Charlie could see this wonderful celebration of life in his honor. I was overwhelmed by the stories that people told about him; about the differences he had made in their lives. My tears had been flowing for awhile and I was not ashamed to cry.

I was not expected to say anything, and for that I was grateful. It was all I could do to be able to stand and walk towards the flames. A soft and tattered teddy bear was clutched in my hand. I kissed it and tried to let it go … but I couldn't. Not yet. It was too soon. Edward and Jasper soon joined me at the fire and tossed their dream-catchers in. Jasper soon returned to the shadows but Edward stood firmly behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. Billy came to my other side and patted my shoulder.

I felt the solidity of the love surrounding me and as I looked to the skies, I felt blessed to be part of this evening. Kissing my bear over and over I allowed my tears to saturate the worn fabric of my bear "Choof". This was my most precious momento given to me by Charlie. After I had learned to say mama and dada my next word was "Choof" and everyone assumed I was trying to say "Chief" and so my bear was given the proud name of "Choof". Choof had belonged to me from the first day I came home from the hospital and many a night had been spent cuddling Choof to my chest.

Whispering "I love you," I tossed Choof onto the flames and as the fire engulfed him I collapsed into Edwards embrace and allowed him to gently guide me to my seat. This was all becoming too much and even with Jaspers waves of calm I couldn't stop the sobs from leaving my body. Edward just held me close as we watched the villagers walk to the fire and toss in dream-catchers and lift their heads to the heavens before returning to their seats.

Finally the young members of the wolf-pack began the warriors lament. Dancing intricate steps to the sounds of a single pan pipe they leapt around the fire. Sometimes they would chant, sometimes just hum. Jake had explained the warriors lament to me and I knew that this was their way of celebrating the life of one of their brothers. They were thanking the spirit Gods for sharing such a kindly spirit with them and praising the Gods for swiftly returning for his soul. Tears glistened on the faces of the pack as they danced around the flames, their steps becoming slower and slower until the stood as one in silence.

A keening wail started from Billy and he wheeled himself to the fire once more, this time placing the prayer feathers he had worn around his neck into the pyre. Jake and the others added their own prayer feathers to the flames before they walked once more around the outskirts of the fire. As each passed by me they would touch my cheek with their fingers and then fade away behind me.

Billy was the last to reach me, he took my right hand and placed a yarn bracelet around it and tied it tightly to me. This bracelet was similar to a friendship bracelet and strands of fine yarn had been woven into a pattern earlier today as prayers on Charlie's behalf had been said. This was the last symbol of Charlie's spirit. I would wear it until it frayed and fell off. Once it did, we would know his journey to the spirit world was complete and that he had made it home. Billy kissed my hand and as I looked into his kind and weathered face I saw his sorrow. I watched as a solitary tear trickled down his face, dropped from his chin and soaked into the bracelet.

"Thank you," I whispered. He just nodded and turned around to face the fire again.

The ceremony was now officially over and people began to make their way to their homes. I spent a few minutes with Jake, Billy and Juliette before joining Edward and Jasper at the car.

Edward sat with me in the car and I was grateful for the feeling of strength permeating from him as he held me close. I don't remember going home or going to bed I only remember the ache in my heart and the burn in my eyes from my tears.

I had survived one ceremony. But I was scared for tomorrow.

**Forks **

I slept fitfully for a few hours, before giving up completely. Edward lay beside me holding me close. I was so grateful for his presence. He had the ability to calm me in a way much stronger than anything Jasper could manufacture. In his arms I felt at peace, I felt at home.

"Do you need to hunt?" I asked as my fingers ran over the purple bruises beneath his eyes. "Your eyes are so dark and you look so thirsty."

"I will be fine Bella, don't worry about me. I'm not leaving you. Not today."

"Please Edward. For me?" I asked, "Today will be a tough one, I need you to be as strong as you can. Don't make it harder for yourself than it needs to be."

"I don't want to leave you alone," he said. "Today will not be hard for me, well not that way. Seeing you in pain is always difficult for me, especially knowing that I cannot do anything to stop you from feeling that pain." As he spoke his hands stroked my cheek, I turned my head slightly so that I could kiss his fingertips.

"Has everyone else hunted recently?" I asked.

"Yes, they all went out last night."

"Then I won't be alone will I? I will have my family here," I said smiling at him. I hoped that he wouldn't hear the false note in my voice or see the terror in my eyes at the thought of being without him.

I wasn't that lucky.

"Bella, I'm not leaving you. Not now. Not ever. I need you just as much as you need me. I cannot function properly without you. I know that you are trying to be brave right now, but please don't worry about me. I can make it through today without hunting." The sorrow in his eyes as he watched me made me realize that the knowledge of my fear hurt him.

"I'm sorry… I…" but his lips interrupted me. He kissed me softly, caressing my hair before hugging me closer to him.

"Don't ever apologize to me for the way you feel Bella. I know how much I hurt you, and I am determined to prove to you that you can trust me again. I'm not leaving you."

"Yes you are Edward … Jasper and Emmett herded some deer into the meadows so you don't have to go far. If you leave now, you can be back before Bella is even dressed for the day." Alice said as she bounded into my room. "Now go! I need to help Bella get dressed!" she said as she pushed Edward from the bed.

He looked at me one last time, nodded and whispered "I love you Bella," before running out the room.

It took less than an hour for me to shower and dress. I found myself in the kitchen, surrounded by my family with the exception of one; my Edward. Esme gave me a glass of juice and an apple. I was grateful that she realized I wouldn't want to eat anything. I did not have any appetite at all.

"Esme, I just want you to know how grateful I am. For everything. For taking control of the service for me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Oh Bella dear, that's what we are here for; to do what ever we can to make this easier for you." She said as she slowly walked to my side. Pulling me into her arms she continued "Thank you for letting us be a part of this. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life again. My family is complete now, thanks to you." She kissed my head before letting me go. "Now drink your juice."

I just nodded but took the glass and walked out to the patio. I sat on the steps and watched the morning mist rise from the stream. I soon become deep in my own thoughts; I wondered how I would survive this day. How long would this day last? Would it rain? I wanted it to rain. I wanted God and his angels to cry with me. I didn't realize there was someone sitting beside me until he spoke.

"Morning Bella," Jasper said.

"Morning Jasper, thanks for … for last night." He just nodded.

"Jasper? How does it work? I mean I know you can manipulate emotions, and I know that you can feel my emotions. Does that mean you can feel everyone's emotions all of the time? Or do you shut it out?" I asked. Up until last night I had never thought how all these emotions would affect Jasper.

"I can feel all the emotions, all of the time. One of the many reasons I do not like crowds."

"Oh how awful that must be!" I exclaimed. "Can you shut it off?"

"No."

"So all the sadness last night? At the ceremony? You could feel it? From everyone? At the same time?" He just nodded to me. Tentatively I moved my hand towards him. He just smiled and took my hand into his and clasped his hands around mine. I was shocked. Other than a few hugs here and there I hadn't really had any interaction with Jasper.

"You…you share my pain," I whispered, not quite sure if this was a statement or a question for him. But he chose to answer.

"I'd share your pain, even without my gift. Bella, you are my family; when you hurt. I hurt too, we all do."

"But today. It's going to be so much harder for you than anyone else, isn't it?"

"Well I might feel the emotions stronger than anyone else, but that won't make it any harder for me than anyone else. Don't worry about anyone other than yourself Bella. You are our main concern."

"I'll understand if you'd rather not be there today Jasper. I mean it. You don't have to do this."

"I want to Bella. I need to. I want to say goodbye to your family, to pay my respects and at the same time, I want to be there for you too." He paused as if he wasn't sure what to say next. "Carlisle can give you a sedative that might help you stay calm if you want? Or I can be there to help?"

"No! No sedatives. I need to be lucid for this, no matter how hard it will be."

"I thought so, but thought I'd check anyway."

"Jasper? Thank you for helping me. I don't think I could do this without you." I said before taking my hand from his, I moved to him to hug him before placing kiss on his cheek. He bowed his head and I saw a small smile on his face.

"Hey there brother! Should I be worried that you are trying to steal my girl?" Edward asked lightly stepping onto the porch behind me. My head snapped around and my heart leapt as I saw him again. The panic that was rising in my stomach dissipated at the sight of him.

"Edward!" I screamed as I ran to him. He held me tightly and kissed my head.

"One Cullen woman is **more** than woman enough for me," Jasper joked as he winked and walked past me into the kitchen.

A few hours later we walked into the Methodist church on the outskirts of Forks. Every pew was filled with the townspeople of Forks and there were people lined up against the walls. Again, I was overwhelmed at the amount of people that were here. The front two rows had been reserved for immediate family and I was glad to see Billy, Jake and the other boys from the reservation included in those rows.

I sat in the front row with Edward on the right side of me and Esme on the left. I did everything I could to avoid looking to the front of the church. I did not want to see the three coffins sitting there, that would make it too real, too final for me. I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't…. I grasped for Edwards hand and heard him tell me to breathe….

The funeral began as soon as we were seated. The congregation sang a song, but I honestly don't recall anything about it. My mind was focused on breathing in and out, everything else was a blur. Mr. Weber began to speak and I saw everyone's head bow down. He was praying. But I couldn't move. I just kept staring at the point above Mr. Weber's head. Anything to avoid those… those boxes!

I watched as Deputy Mark said some words on behalf of the people of Forks and talked of Charlie's life here in Forks. He was followed by my mom's best friend Wendy who had flown in from Phoenix for the ceremony. She had known my mom since she was sixteen years old and they had attended a pottery class together. Finally Callix Crabbe spoke about Phil and the short time they had practiced together. Both had been brought up from the minors to try out for a roster position with the Mariners. Callix had come from Nashville and Phil from Jacksonville. Both had bonded during practice and had a lot in common.

The tears I was trying so hard to hold back began to flow as Mrs. Weber began to sing a version of "Everything I Own". As I listened to the words my heart shattered all over again…

_You sheltered me from harm,_

_Kept me warm, kept me warm,_

_You gave my life to me,_

_Set me free, set me free._

My arms went around my waist and I hugged myself close. I began to rock slowly back and forth, trying to stop the panic from taking over.

_The finest years I ever knew_

_Were all the years I had with you_

Too soon! Too soon! Not enough time, oh please God bring them back. Don't leave me here alone. I can't do this alone!

_And I would give everything I own_

_Give up my life, my heart, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Just to have you, back again_

I promise I'll be good! I'll do things different! I promise, just bring them back, bring them back….. Oh my God! This hurts, this hurt! I could feel the blackness beginning to crawl through my body. No! I couldn't let this happen. Not now! Not here!

"Edward? I can't do this…." I sobbed. He wrapped me in his arms and crooned words of comfort in my ears. Slowly the blackness that was creeping up on me began to recede … I noticed then that Jasper had switched seats with Esme and his hand was on my shoulder. I could feel the waves of calm and peace coming from him; I saw the look of intense concentration on his face.

As the song finished my sobs slowly subsided. Edward and Jasper remained as they were. I took my left hand and grasped on to the lifeline that Jasper had selflessly offered me. My other hand remained tight around my waist holding me together as Edward kept his arms wrapped around me. I concentrated on the feel of his arms keeping me safe. I heard nothing that was said, saw nothing that was done. It was all I could do to fight the blackness trying to take me over.

It wasn't until I felt the air on my wet cheeks that I realized we were outside and walking towards the graveside. My stomach plummeted. I stopped walking and refused to move. All around me were my family and my friends but yet I felt so completely alone. How could someone feel so isolated in a crowd? It made no sense.

"Bella love? Are you ok?" Edward asked, gripping me closer to him.

"Noooo, noooo! I can't … it will be too real … please don't … don't make me do this Edward. Don't make me!" I sobbed trying to pull from him. I wanted to run, far away so that this wouldn't be real. I couldn't go near those … things!

No matter how hard I tugged I couldn't break free. He just hugged me closer to him. Esme and Alice hugged me too. I heard them tell me it would be ok, I could do this. But they didn't know. They didn't see how weak I was. I couldn't do this! If I did then they would be truly gone. Forever.

I stood. I didn't know what to do. I felt Edwards's hands gently cup my face. "Look at me Bella. Look only at me."

"There, now breathe … good! Now we need to go over there Bella. It's time. You have to say goodbye. The whole town needs to say goodbye…. No baby, don't panic… just breathe… we are here. We're all here. You are not alone in this. We will help you do this. Ok?"

I shook my head. "Let me go… please? Just let me go…"

"I wished I could Bella, but that's not what you need right now. I know this is the hardest thing you have ever done in your life. And if there is anyway we could take this pain from you we would. In a heartbeat. But we can't. All we can do is be here for you, to share this time with you. Now, we need to get through this next half hour and then we'll take you home," he paused, "Do you want me to get Jake right now? Juliette?"

"Jasper," I whispered. He was there before his name had even left my lips.

"Bella, you can do this. I know how brave you are, how strong you are. I feel your strength. You are stronger than you think you are. You need to trust me. I know you can do this Bella," he said softly as he stood in front of me and hugged me to him. As he did I felt waves of love, peace and calm sweep through me. As he hugged me, I felt the trembling in my body cease and my vision became clearer. "There, that's the Bella I know…" he smiled as he released me back to Edward.

"I'm right here Bella, I'll stay right beside you," he said as he made his way to my side and as he joined hands with Alice his other hand clasped mine. My lifeline.

I nodded slightly and we all moved towards the grave side. Each time I felt like I wanted to pass out I squeezed Jaspers hand and I would feel another wave of peace come over me. At the same time, the feeling of security emanating from Edward grounded me.

As we took our seats under the canopy Mrs. Weber began to sing Amazing Grace. As if I was hearing her sing for the first time I could hear just how beautiful her voice was. As she finished the song her husband began to say the words I didn't want to hear… he talked of lives taken so soon, of returning to the father and all the other meaningless words a pastor says at a funeral.

As the music and voice of Bette Midler began, I tried to focus on the words of the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" I wanted to do anything other than see those three coffins being lowered into the ground. I heard a few sobs behind me and I knew that I wasn't the only one having difficulty in understanding the senselessness of this event. I glanced over to Billy and saw him silently weeping, his head in his hands as his shoulders shook violently.

The music playing changed to The Corrs singing REM's "Everybody Hurts" as people began to make their way to the three graves and toss roses into each graveside. Once everyone else had shown their respect I stood up shakily on my feet and grasping the three white roses, made my way to the open graves.

Phil's coffin was the first one … my hands trembled as I took one of the roses, kissed it softly and then threw it into the hole. I sob and swayed slightly on my feet. Edward grasped me tightly to him. "I've got you baby."

To the left of Phil my mom's grave looked dark and wet. "She … she won't like the cold… she hates the wet…" I sobbed, clutching the roses to my chest. "She needs sunshine and warmth…" I broke off, my breathing too labored to continue.

"Hush Bella, it's ok, she is in a far better place than this. This is only her shell. Her soul is dancing in the sunbeams." Carlisle had stepped to my side and I was grateful to him for his words. I needed to believe that, to know she was better off in another place. Happy and surrounded by the ones she loved. All but one … all but me.

Kissing her rose, I tossed it into the dark space "I love you Mom, I'm gonna miss you."

I moved slowly towards the final space. My dad. My Charlie. I hadn't realized that, until this moment I had expected him to show up safe somewhere. I hadn't quite grasped the fact that he too was gone. He couldn't die. My dad couldn't die. Could he? Laurent's words to me in the meadow swirled around in my brain

"The scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body – you'll simply go missing…" (NM pge 241.)

Oh God! He would never come back. Charlie was gone! He wouldn't even have the burial he deserved.

"No one will find your body," his voice had mocked me "No one will find your body" around and around those words swirled, taunting me.

I threw my final rose down into the darkness and then watched as the same darkness came to me…I heard someone call my name but it was too far away … I heard the fuzziness of the blackness coming, racing too fast and too strong to capture me, so that the waves of calm Jasper was throwing couldn't penetrate my brain.

"No one will find your body," he said with a sneer, I heard his laughter, felt his distain at my humanity "No one will find your body." His voice echoed in my mind.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered as I finally gave in to the darkness.

**Ending Note:** So I hope you made it through this. I'm anxious to know what you thought of this chapter. More than any other I was nervous to post this. Let me know, good or bad what you thought.


	16. Chapter 16 Surviving

**Authors Apology**

First off, let me say how humbled I am by the responses I received over the last chapter. I was completely blown away by the reviews emails and messages I received. Thank you so much for that.

I want to answer a few questions I was asked over and over again.

Jasper referring to Bella as a "Cullen woman" was deliberate. Just another way to prove that to the Cullen's Bella is family now.

The Quileute ceremony was made of a little of Native American folk lore and a lot of imagination. The Forks Funeral was meant to be respectful and believable. I realize that I offended some by the phrase "all the other meaningless words a pastor says at a funeral." I am truly sorry about that. I never meant to offend anyone. Please keep in mind that it is your own personal faith that gives you comfort when a loved one dies. It's your faith that makes the words said have meaning. Without faith, regardless of your religion, the words spoken are just that; words. Stephenie Meyer made it clear in her book that Bells was not a religious person and so to me, she didn't have that faith to grasp onto for comfort. At the same time, she would have been scared and in shock. Having never lost a parent or a loved one prior to writing the chapter I had to use my imagination on Bella's feelings. To me it would make sense that she wouldn't want to look at the coffins; that to do so, would make it all seem so real.

Bella didn't die at the end of the chapter, she just passed out. Her mind chose to shut down to protect her when her grief was just too overwhelming to handle.

For those who wrote telling me about their experiences at funerals etc, or telling me how they connected with this particular chapter I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have know idea how happy I am to note that you are connecting with the way I am portraying the characters in this wee story.

I am so sorry for the length of time between updates this time. real life snuck up on me and dealt me a hard blow. I had to step away for a little while and take care of me. But life is back on track and so I am back able to write again. I will be updating at least once every two weeks.

A special thanks to JackBauer for continually bugging me to update. Thanks for not giving up on me :) And thanks too for the wonderful where is Charlie sign being held by Edward. I love it!

Thanks also to GGHartling, KMK, MSLynnBurton, TnkrBellSam, Jody R, and the girls from my office for reminding me it was time to update, and for not letting me give up.

And a HUGE thank you to everyone who takes the time out to read my story. I know there are a ton of twilight fiction out there and I love that you choose to read this one. And if you take the time to review? I love ya for that too! Thanks.

K sorry this is so long. As a reminder, Chapter 15 was the funeral ceremonies and at the end Bella fainted. She recalled what Laurent had said to her in the meadow about hiding her body after he killed her and she realized that Charlie wasn't coming back.

I do have a message board for this story. Feel free to drop by anytime ... ?f=19&t=2135

Donna

**Bella's POV**

"_I was first aware of the cool hands touching me. More than one pair of hands. Arms holding me, a palm curved to fit my cheek, fingers stroking my forehead, and more fingers pressed lightly into my wrist._

_Then I was aware of the voices. They were just a humming at first, and then they grew in volume and clarity like someone was turning up a radio._

"_Carlisle – it's been five minutes." Edward's voice, anxious._

"_She'll come around when she's ready, Edward." Carlisle's voice, always calm and sure. "She's had too much to deal with today. Let her mind protect itself."_

_But my mind was not protected. It was trapped in the knowledge that had not left me, even in unconsciousness – the pain that was part of this blackness._

_I felt totally disconnected from my body. Like I was caged in some small corner of my head, no longer at the controls. But I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't think. The agony was too strong for that. There was no escape from it.'"_ (Eclipse page 566)

They were gone. All of them. Mom, Phil and Charlie. Laurent's voice still taunted me. Over and over I still heard his words "No one will find your body. No one will find your body."

There was no hope. Charlie's body would never be found. How could he be at peace when his body was lying somewhere; callously tossed aside like yesterdays newspaper? Could his spirit find peace while his body was missing? How I wished I had been more of a churchgoer so that I would know the answer to this question.

"No one will find your body" again his voice haunted me.

"Alice? Can't you see anything yet?" Edward asked anxiously.

"Bella will open her eyes in forty-four seconds. She can probably hear us right now."

"Bella? Baby? I need you to come back to me. It's ok, it's done now, things will be easier from here." Edward spoke softly as I felt his sweet breathe on the side of my face. "I'm so proud of you Bella. You were so brave today. It's almost over now. Can you open your eyes?"

The cold steel bonds holding me in the darkness snapped and I was able to open my eyes. Staring into the golden eyes of my angel I took a few seconds to orient myself and then looked around. Carlisle, Alice and Edward were crouched beside me and in the distance I could see Angela and Ben standing nearby with Mr. Weber.

"What … what happened? Where is everyone?" I asked; my voice weak. I tried to sit up but I felt too dizzy and sunk back into Edwards arms.

"You fainted Bella." Carlisle said, his voice soft and compassionate. "How do you feel now?"

"I'm ok. I'm sorry for …"

"Hush Bella, there is nothing to apologize for … It's completely understandable. This was a hard day to get through and you did so well." Carlisle's soothing voice helped to ease the panic I could feel simmering somewhere below the surface. "Do you think you are able to stand yet? Or would you like to wait a few minutes?"

"No. I'm fine." I said as Edward and Alice helped me to my feet. Edward placed his arms around me in a protective cocoon. "Where is everyone?"

"Esme, Jasper, Rose and Emmett went back to the house so that there would be people there to greet the callers. Mr. Weber, Angela and Ben wanted to wait here to make sure you were ok," as Carlisle said this, Angela walked forward.

"Bella? Are you ok? Can I do anything?" Angela asked in a concerned voice.

"Thanks but no. I'm fine. Are you coming back to the house?" I asked.

"Yes, we will make our way over there. We'll see you soon ok?" She stepped forward to hug me and then walked to join Ben and her father.

"I'm … I'm ready to go now." I said quietly, my head hanging down, my eyes fixed firmly on the tips of my black boots. I had no intentions of looking … there.

I felt Edward's arms squeeze me gently as he leaned to kiss my hair, "Let's go Bella. Let's go home," he said softly.

Home. Did I have a home now? I shuddered slightly and then put the thought out of my mind. That was more than I wanted to think about right now.

We walked slowly to Carlisle's car. Edward sat beside me in the back, pulling me close to his side while Alice chose to ride in front with Carlisle.

I keep my head to the right, facing the window and staring at the trees. As we pulled away from the church the rain began to fall. This rain was unusual for Forks; its was a gentle rain, each raindrop on the window moved slowly down the glass in a snaking pattern. God's tears. I smiled and felt a little spark of peace ignite inside me. I felt the prayer bracelet on my wrist and sighed.

"What are you thinking love?" Edward whispered, even though we both knew it was pointless; Carlisle and Alice would be able to hear everything we said.

"The rain came. I'm glad. God's watching and these drops are his tears. It just feels right."

I felt his lips turn up and knew he was smiling. "That's right, God's tears."

The next few hours past in a blur. I shook the hands of everyone who came to me. I was hugged countless times and shared many a tear with the people who were the extended family for Charlie, Phil and Renee. I did not cry again, although I came close when Jake hugged me and began to sniff.

I had to change the subject…."I'm sorry you had to postpone your wedding Jake."

"Naw, it's ok Bells. It's better this way. There's too much happening right now. Besides, Juliette doesn't want any more people in La Push than there has to be. And I don't want to get married without her family here so we'll wait. Besides, this gives you longer to work on your speech," he said as he nudged me.

"Jake!" I shouted as I slapped him, "I've already told you, I'm not doing that for you… I refuse to stand up and make a complete fool of myself in front of your friends. You need to …"

"We can fight about this later. But you know I'll win. You will be my best girl at the wedding. I won't take no for an answer. It has to be you. There's no-one else I want. You're my best friend … well second best after Juliette… and it's your duty to be there for me on the happiest day of my life. It's all part of the lifetime of servitude you promised me years ago."

"I don't recall that being in the rules," I argued.

"Rules schmules…" he winked at me, stuck his tongue out and then nodded to someone behind me. I was shocked to see Jake then shake Edward's hand and actually look like it wasn't a hardship! "I'm off to rescue Juliette from Jessica Stanley. I can't believe she is trying to draw her into petty gossip."

"How are you holding up love?"

"I'm fine Edward, just glad this is almost over," I replied.

"Would you like me to get you something to eat? Drink?"

"A juice would be fine. Anything as long as it's cold." He nodded and then walked sedately to one of the buffet tables and returned with a cool glass of punch for me.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome."

Billy, Jake and Juliette were the last to leave that evening, and it was dark and chilly as I stood on the porch watching their car go slowly down the driveway. I sighed and then walked back inside where Edward was waiting for me. I smiled at him and taking his hand walked back into the family room where the rest of the Cullen's were busy restoring order to the room.

Esme smiled gently at me. "Can I get you anything Bella?"

"No I'm fine Esme. Thank you though. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for everything; for being here for me, for helping me through this and for opening your home to my family's friends today. You have no idea how much it means to me. I know you are private people and that you didn't have to do this. So thank you." I blushed; thank you seemed such an inadequate word to use.

"No thanks required Bella, it's the least we could do," Carlisle said.

"I think I'm going to go to bed now."

"Of course Bella, it's been a long day for you. We'll see you in the morning," Esme said as she walked towards me. Hugging me tightly she whispered "I love you my daughter, sleep tight."

"And don't let the bugs bite. If they bite, squeeze them tight and they won't bite another night." Emmett said in a girly, sing-song voice as he skipped towards me. Lifting me in a bear hug he gave me a loud kiss on the cheek and then twirled me around so I was facing the others.

Rosalie, Jasper and Alice all hugged and kissed me before Edward took my hand and walked with me slowly to my room.

I had good days and bad days over the next few weeks.

Some days I felt like the whole world was crashing around me; those were the days that I cried and would just sit, either on the back porch or down by the stream. I wouldn't talk and everyone understood and honored my wishes to be left alone. Even Edward was able to keep his distance during this time and I was grateful for that.

Other days were more normal. I would feel alive and would spend the days with Edward and Alice mostly, but occasionally the others would join in too. I watched the boys wrestle in the yard, I observed Rosalie make slight modifications to the new jeep Emmett had recently purchased, and I would spend time helping Esme in her garden. There was something relaxing about pulling weeds. Who knew that me, Bella Swan, would have a green thumb!

**July **

The day I received the letter from the University of Alaska I knew I had to make a decision about my future; it was already July and school would begin again in six weeks. Was I ready to return?

Edward had handed me the letter, and then gave me the space I needed to think things through. He wasn't fooling me though; I knew he was anxious to find out what I was planning to do. I had tried talking to him about it, but as usual, he wouldn't try to make me decide. It was my decision to make and he wouldn't try to sway me in one direction or the other.

I walked out from the security of my room and began to descend the stairs.

"Carlisle will be home in twenty minutes Bella," Alice chirped as she quickly joined me in the family room, "and I'm sure he will be happy to talk to you about your plans." She hugged me for a second then stepped back and looked at me. Taking a deep breath she continued, "You know everyone will support you no matter what you decide. But don't let what's going on with the other vampires cloud your decision."

At that I just flinched. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I felt the color drain from my face.

"Alice!" Edward hissed as he ran to me. "Did you really have to do that?" he asked angrily.

"Yes Edward. I want to make sure she knows that what's going on here in Forks should have no bearing on her decisions."

"But … it's not … I mean I want … crap! I am trying to … to …" I stuttered. Edwards's arms enveloped me and I felt a wave of calm slowly beat back the panic trying to take control.

"Sssshh Bella, it's ok. I'm here. You are safe babe. Just breathe…" he whispered softly as he led me to the sofa. Sitting beside me, he gently wrapped his arms around me and rocked me gently until my breathing returned to normal.

Alice knelt in front of me. "I'm sorry Bella, I truly didn't mean to distress you," she said slowly and with emotion in her voice. "I just wanted to make sure you knew the facts before you made your decision."

"I know Alice. I'm fine. Really."

Edward and I remained on the sofa. He would pepper my hair with soft kisses as he continued to rock me gently. I just sighed. This was one of the things that I loved. In his arms, I felt safe. I felt at home.

When Carlisle entered the room he smiled at me and asked if I wanted to talk here, or in his office.

"Here, if you don't mind."

"Not at all Bella," he said as he slowly walked across the room and stood beside me.

"May I?" I just nodded as he took the seat next to me. "What's on your mind Bella? Is this to do with your letter from the University?"

Again I just nodded. I handed it to him so that he could read the contents.

He read the letter quickly. Of course he would, what was I thinking? I just waited for him to digest the content. I didn't know how to say what I wanted. I hoped he would begin the conversation for me.

"What are your concerns Bella? You know that the scholarship is a moot point. We can more than cover your costs, if that's your concern. Don't let the fact that if you miss a semester you will lose the scholarship force you to make a decision you are not ready for." Carlisle took one of my hands in his as he continued. "There is no shame in taking a semester off to re-coup. It is completely understandable. We are proud of you, no matter what you decide to do. You do know that don't you?"

I nodded. I felt my face burn as I stumbled over the words. "It's just that, I feel I'm letting everyone down if I don't go back. But I'm not sure I'm ready to." As I said this I faced Edward. "I think I want to stay here for a while. With you. With everyone."

The smile that broke on his face took my breath away. "Oh Bella! You have no idea how happy that makes me to hear you say that. I never thought I would be so lucky!"

"But you know you won't be alone when you do go back to school. I'm going too!" Alice said excitedly. "They have a great fashion design program there; and well, I think you will be more fun to attend classes with than Rose," she shrugged as she said that and then fake cringed. "Sorry Rose, but you know it's true!"

I just shook my head. "You don't have to do that Alice."

"Oh I know. And I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me. This time, I get to pick where I want to go to school! And I want to go to Alaska with you. Just think, we can be roomies! We can rent a place off campus and I can decorate it so that …"

"Alice, please! Don't scare the poor girl!" Edward said in mock horror. Turning to me he spoke again. "I would consider it a great honor if you would allow me to attend school with you as well. I do not want to be parted from you for any length of time Bella. I just couldn't survive."

"Thank you," I whispered, "I'd like that." I felt better talking about it with my … my family. "I think I'd like to take the next semester off though. If that's ok. And then I'll go back for spring semester. But I do intend to keep my job in the bookstore. And I still have enough funds in my savings account to pay for part of the semester so …"

Alice just rolled her eyes "Bella, I'm ok with you using your savings for your tuition, but I absolutely refuse to allow your budget to dictate where we live. Besides, it's safer for us to be further away from the typical student apartments."

How could I argue with that? "Fine Alice. You pick the apartment, and I pay for my own schooling." I felt Edward tense beside me and squeezing his hand gently I looked directly at him, "I know you want to buy everything for me, but I'm not that type of girl Edward. I'm used to being independent; I'm used to taking care of myself. I have been doing that since … well since you left." I took a deep breath then continued, "please don't fight me on this. I need you to understand, and to respect me for this."

"I'll always respect you Bella. And I'll try to understand, I truly will, it's just hard for me. I want to do so much, to give you so much but I'll try to curb my instincts. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Alice squealed, "I think we need a road trip! It will take a few months for us to find a suitable place to live. Then we need to renovate it. Oh I can't wait to tell Esme! She will be so excited!!!" At that, she ran from the room into the yard screaming for Esme.

"You do know she is going to be a nightmare? Annoying little pixie," Edward said as he squeezed me tightly. I just shrugged and he chuckled softly.

**August**

The weeks began to fly by and I settled into a rhythm. Once every two weeks, we would take a road trip to Alaska to first of all find a suitable place to live, and then to oversee the renovations. Alice had found a gorgeous three story Victorian house situated on the outskirts of town. Backing onto a forest it provided the perfect shelter for the movements of the Cullen's.

I had been surprised to find out Emmett and Rose both wanted to go to Alaska too. Emmett stated he wasn't going to miss any of the "fun" surrounding me and college life and Rose? Well Rose would be where Emmett was. We weren't exactly friends yet but the animosity had certainly cooled. Emmett wasn't taking any classes though, neither was Jasper. They had planned on spending their time between Alaska and Forks until such times as Victoria has been taken care of. Carlisle and Esme were staying in Forks.

I felt bad that they were putting themselves in danger but at the same time I was relieved that the wolves and the vampires were able to work together. I hoped this was enough to keep the people of Forks and La Push safe.

Since the funeral there had only been two times when a fresh scent was picked up. Both times, the scents ended at the highway. The last time anyone had noticed a new scent was over six weeks ago. The wolves felt that Victoria, realizing there was nothing she could do with the amount of security surrounding me had backed off. The Cullen's were not so sure.

Jake and Juliette were frequent guests at the Cullen's, even bringing Sam, Emily and Seth with them occasionally. It seemed that it was getting easier each time they came over. Esme always made sure to have a lot of snacks and drinks for them and she loved playing the part of surrogate mother to their new friends.

Jake and Juliette had put their wedding off indefinitely, and I truly wished this didn't have to happen, but at the same time, I couldn't argue with his reasons for doing so. No matter how long it had been since strangers were in our area, no-one wanted to risk having more people in Forks and La Push than necessary.

I was glad that I had chosen to take a semester off. I needed the time on my own. On what would have been the first day of school, Esme took Alice and I to a specialist gardening store in Seattle. There we picked out a lot of cacti and flowers native to Phoenix. Esme explained that Jasper and Rose had come up with an in ground heating system so that I could plant the cactus in the ground beside the stream. When it got too cold, there was an automatic frame that would cover the cactus and protect them from the harsher elements.

I cried a little as the first cactus was planted. Esme also had a deep seat garden swing placed in the area so that I could still cuddle with Edward and keep the tranquility of "our special spot" while smelling the scents that I automatically associated with my mom.

**September **

I was dreading this day. My birthday. I couldn't quite help but recall my last birthday with the Cullen's. Closing my eyes tightly I tried to go back to sleep. That was my birthday wish; somehow to be able to just sleep the whole day away. Unfortunately, I hadn't taken the inhuman senses of my vampire love into consideration…

"Morning my love, how did you sleep?" Edward's voice was soft and warm. I felt his arms envelope me and soft kisses pepper my hair.

"Fine," I replied, stretching slowly.

"Happy Birthday Bella!" I just scowled at him as he chuckled. His head moved slowly towards me and my heart leapt. I knew he was going to kiss me but I was torn; on the one hand I could happily spend the rest of my life kissing Edward Cullen, but I was worrying that I had morning breath.

Edward felt my hesitation, smiled at me and pointed to the door. "Go my love, but hurry back to me."

In the bathroom I spent a few minutes staring at my face in the mirror. I was twenty. No longer a teenager. Did I look different? Did I look old? Too old for Edward? As much as I tried to, I couldn't find any obvious changes in the way I looked last night.

I brushed my teeth quickly, threw off my pyjamas and dressed in faded jeans and a t-shirt in what I knew was Edwards favorite shade of blue.

In no time at all I was dressed and ready to face the world again.

"Where is everyone? I'm surprised Alice hasn't bugged me yet this morning."

"I made them all leave before you were awake. They promised to leave us a lone for a few hours. That is their gift to you."

I smiled. That was the kind of gift I appreciated.

As I walked back towards my bed, Edward moved softly towards me. I was mesmerized by the smile on his face. He was so angelic looking and at the same time so stunningly handsome. I didn't think I would ever get used to his beauty!

"Now can I give you a birthday kiss?" he asked. His voice husky and soft. I nodded. He dipped his head towards mine. His arms enveloped me and I lost track of all time.

Our lips seemed to meld together; to become one. We moved in unison and my arms snaked their way around his torso. His shirt was untucked and I felt my hands move underneath the cotton until I felt the waistband of his jeans. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that Edward had not yet stopped my movements. This was new! My heart stuttered as my palms moved forward and upwards. I felt the contours of his perfect abs, the planes of his chest; so smooth and hard, but so yielding at the same time. I know, I know! It doesn't make any sense. But that's what it felt like!

My hands moved slowly over his ribs, moving upwards. I felt his collarbone and my fingers traced the lines until I felt his shoulders. My left hand moved down towards his waistband again and then around to his back. Pulling him closer to me, my right hand traced a pattern back and forth along his collar bone.

I felt Edwards tongue dance across my lips, begging for entrance. Parting my lips slightly I allowed his sweet scent to overwhelm me for just a second before my tongue joined his in what I could only describe as a perfect dance. My breathing was getting labored, but I didn't care! Our lips moved together in a rhythm we had perfected over the last few months, our tongues playing a game of chase in my mouth.

All too soon I felt the numbness in my mouth from the drops of venom that had entered. I knew I had only a few more minutes before Edward would pull away from me. _Not yet! Not yet! _My right hand move stilled for just one second…dare I? Trembling slightly I moved my right hand lower, at the same time trying to hold Edward as close to me as possible with my left. No longer tracing a pattern across his collarbone, I moved my hand slightly lower, feeling the hard chiseled muscles of his pecs. Oh my God! Perfection! I felt his nipple between my fingers and I hesitated slightly before gently caressing it between my fingers.

I felt Edward tremble slightly. Was I affecting him as much as he was affecting me? Somehow I doubted it and yet, he too seemed to be acting differently; one of his hands was running up and down my back while the other one was fisted tightly in my hair. His breathing seemed to be labored too.

I felt him slowly pull away from me, breaking contact with my lips leaving them feeling bereft. My right hand lay flat on his chest, burning where it touched his gorgeous skin. His nipple seemed taut and it felt so damn erotic. How I wished he would remove his shirt!

"Happy Birthday Bella," he whispered to me.

"Wow! Now that is what I call a birthday kiss!" I stuttered, immediately feeling regret as he slowly removed my hands from inside his shirt. Kissing each of my fingers he smiled at me before handing me an envelope.

I opened my birthday card and was relieved to note that there was nothing inside it but a message from Edward.

"I know you did not want any presents. You will be happy to note that I have chosen to respect your wishes. This time. However, I hope you don't mind that I have made some plan. I want to take you away this morning. I thought we could have a picnic in our meadow."

"Edward! I'd love that! It sounds perfect!" I squealed.

"Then let us go, before the pixie has time to sabotage our plans," he said laughingly as he picked me up, bridal style. "May I?" I just nodded and he ran with me down stairs, out the main door and into his Volvo.

**Meadow**

It look less than an hour for us to reach the pathway to our meadow, for Edward to place m on his back and run with me, and then for him to lay me gently on the blanket in the middle of "our spot."

He disappeared for a second and returned with a picnic basic full of bagels, fruit and orange juice. He also had a bowl of cheerios and some milk. In the center of the blanket he placed a small crystal vase with a single red rose in it.

Setting himself behind me, he pulled me close and as I felt his arms wind around me I sighed with content.

"Thank you Edward. This is the perfect way to spend my birthday."

"I thought you might like it. No fuss, no frills, just you and me."

"It's perfect."

We spent the next couple of hours just sitting on the blanket, talking about anything and everything. Edward recited some poetry to me and I was content just to be in his arms listening to his voice. As he recited poem after poem I became transfixed with his voice; he was singing to me. I sighed.

"Bella? Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm just happy, that's all. It was a sigh of contentment."

"I'm glad. Bella, I have been thinking …" he froze. His body became a solid rock. I felt the tension wrack his body' I felt the snarl begin deep in his throat.

"Edward? What is it? Tell me!" I screamed.

I thought I was falling, but really, Edward had picked me up and was standing with me. His eyes were wild and his head turned side to side.

"There's no time," he muttered.

"T..t..time? Time for what?" I stuttered.

Edward forced himself to look at me. His hands were splayed out firmly on either side of my face. His thumbs running soft patterns across my cheekbones. I saw sadness, fear and was that anger in his eyes?

"I don't understand. What's wrong Edward? What's happening?"

"Bella. I need you to listen to me very carefully. And then I need you to promise me that you will do exactly what I say. No questions asked."

"Edward you're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong. What's happening?"

"Victoria!" he spat the word. "Victoria is coming; and she's not alone. There are others with her. This was well thought out. We are surrounded Bella. But don't be alarmed. The others are on the way and will be here shortly. The wolves are coming too…"

"Here? Here! She's coming here? We are surrounded? But how? When?"

"I don't know how she did it. Alice just saw her a few seconds ago. She is less than a minute away and they are coming from all directions. Bella. Listen to me. I can't do anything. It's too dangerous to try and run. We need to stay here. I'm going to stand right here behind you. I need you to stay perfectly still."

As he was speaking he was turning me so that my back was to his chest. Pressing me firmly into his body his arms wrapped around my torso.

"Don't be afraid Bella. I won't let them close enough to harm you."

"I'm no..not…not afraid," I stuttered. My I knew my voice and my heart would betray the fear building up in me. I felt Edward freeze. "Is this it? Is she here? Where? I can't see anything!" my voice getting louder with each word.

"Hush Bella, it's ok. The others are almost here. Jake and the pack are somewhere behind us, I can hear them. And Carlisle and the others will come from the North."

"There's something else, isn't there? What is it Edward? Tell me!" I demanded.

"Bella. It's Charlie. She has Charlie with him."

"Charlie?" my heart stopped.

"Dad!!!!!!" I screamed as I tried to pull away from Edward.

"Bella no! Stay Still! It's not what you think …."

"She has my dad! I have to save him. Let me go!" But my struggles were in vain. Edwards arm became immoveable bonds; bands of steel imprisoning me to his body. It was useless to keep fighting. I stopped. Knowing that as soon as Edward relaxed I would make my move.

"Dad! Dad!" I screamed.

"Bella, they're here…" Edward said, his voice strained as his head nodded slightly to the right.

**Authors note:** Hope you liked the chapter and I hope you will stick around to find out what happens next. Feel free to review, I do appreciate it and I always try to respond. I promise I will be more prompt in my updating from here on out.


	17. Chapter 17 Charlie

**Author's Note: **Thank you so those that have stuck around with this story. I do appreciate. It looks like I've lost a lot of people by taking so long to update. Only 333 people read the last chapter, and only 13 reviewed. As much as I'm sad to know I lost people I love that there are those that stuck around. so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

This chapter is a short one, but I chose to send it now, rather than wait on the whole extremely long chapter to be complete. This one answers your questions on Charlie. I hope you like it.

Words in Bold are Edwards thoughts to himself. Words in Italics are the thoughts he is hearing from those around him.

**Edward's POV**

I felt her body sag slightly and her heart rate increase before she sighed. "Bella? Are you ok?"

"Yes. I'm just happy, that's all. It was a sigh of contentment."

"I'm glad. Bella, I have been thinking …" I froze. Alice was screaming in my head. "_Edward!_ _Victoria is there, she has you surrounded. Looks like 14 other vampires are with her. And she is hiding something. I'm not sure what, she is blocking me. But she is determined to get to Bella!"_

Concentrating on the thoughts and visions from Alice, I felt my body turn to stone. Taking care not to increase any pressure on Bella I began to search for the other voices I knew had to be close. I couldn't help it. I felt the growl reverberate in my empty chest when I heard the vitriolic thoughts coming from Victoria. How dare she think she will get close enough to touch my Bella!

"_We are on our way Edward, Emmett called La Push. Wolves were already on patrol and will be there soon. Seth will let them know we are there too and to watch for Bella. Don't try to move Edward. You will be safe if you don't try to run. I've seen it. Wait for us!"_

It took every ounce of self control I possessed to not grab Bella and run. But if Alice had seen what would happen if I ran I had to trust her. I would have to go against every instinct and just stay there.

"Edward? What is it? Tell me!" Bella screamed. Her body was trembling and I smelt the increase of adrenaline that began to pump through her body.

Faster than a human I picked her gently from the ground and stood her in front of me. Trying to make my eyes appear neutral I stared at her. My hands cupped her beautiful face. _**Oh my love! This is not what I wanted for you. This was to be the first of many happy birthdays for you. What if Alice is wrong? Can I take you away from here?**_

"_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! You stay right there!"_

"_No Edward! Trust Alice! Wait for us!"_

"_Son, I know how badly you want to make sure Bella is nowhere near danger, but you can't move her. We are almost there."_

The voices of my family slammed into me at the same time I heard her thoughts.

"_Just distract him, that's all. It just takes one second and then the bitch is mine. I will take great pleasure in making her suffer. HE will help me. He promised. Edward will watch her demise…" _No! I had to block her out; losing control would do Bella no good right now. Alice was right, I had to stay.

"There's no time," I muttered.

"T..t..time? Time for what?" Bella stuttered. Shit! Did I just say that out loud?

My thumbs began caressing her cheek as I thought how much to tell her. I had promised her that I would never lie to her again; that I would never edit the truth. But could …

"I don't understand. What's wrong Edward? What's happening?"

"Bella. I need you to listen to me very carefully. And then I need you to promise me that you will do exactly what I say. No questions asked."

"Edward you're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong. What's happening?" Her voice was getting louder and at the same time, her heart began to beat faster. The slight trembling in her delicate frame became more pronounced.

"Victoria!" I spat. How I hated that name! The anger bubbling below the surface would soon erupt. I couldn't wait until I was able to eradicate her from this planet. "Victoria is coming; and she's not alone. There are others with her. This was well thought out. We are surrounded Bella. But don't be alarmed. The others are on the way and will be here shortly. The wolves are coming too…" _**Oh my love! Don't look at me like that. You have to know that nothing will get close enough to hurt you? That I would die a thousands deaths before anything would be able to get close to you**__?_

"Here? Here! She's coming here? We are surrounded? But how? When?" Bella's voice was higher now, more anxious.

"I don't know how she did it. Alice just saw her a few seconds ago. She is less than a minute away and they are coming from all directions. Bella! Listen to me. I can't do anything. It's too dangerous to try and run. We need to stay here. I'm going to stand right here behind you. I need you to stay perfectly still." My voice was stern now. I HAD to make her listen to me, I HAD to make sure she understood the danger we were in and the importance of not moving.

Breaking eye contact with her, I began to gently turn her around so that her back was firmly against my chest. I pressed her as close to me as I dared and closer than I would normally. However, there were still thousand of molecules of space between us. Wrapping my arms around her torso, I whispered in her ear ""Don't be afraid Bella. I won't let them close enough to harm you." _**I promise you that**__._

"I'm n..no…not afraid," she stuttered and I couldn't help the slight incline of my lips. My fierce little hell kitten! Of course she'd refuse to acknowledge the danger. That she would try to protect me from knowing she was terrified. Didn't she realize her voice and heart had already betrayed her?

Before I could say anything more I heard a new voice in my head. Screaming at me.

"_I know you can hear me Edward. Victoria says not to think of anything. That you will hear me. I hope she is right. Edward, she wants me to hurt Bella. My Bella! I … I just can't. But I'm not sure I'm strong enough to stay away. I need you to help me. I need you to promise that if I can't stay strong you will make sure I don't hurt her_." His voice was strong and determined and at the same time I sensed sorrow and fear.

"_Victoria thinks I love her. Edward, if I get the chance I will stop her from attacking. I will destroy her for what she's done to me. I will snarl at you and it's not real… I will never hurt you. If I have to I will stop and let you destroy me. But just don't let me close to Bella. Oh my God! She smells so good… I need that… I want that… NOOOOO! Edward, don't you dare let me close to her!_"

My body froze. I saw the man in my mind. It couldn't be? Surely not? But at the same time I knew that Victoria was just stupid enough to do what she had done. Beside me Bella cringed into my chest. "Is this it? Is she here? Where? I can't see anything!"

"Hush Bella, it's ok. The others are almost here. Jake and the pack are somewhere behind us, I can hear them. And Carlisle and the others will come from the North." How I hated saying that, but I didn't know how to tell her what I knew. I had no idea how she would react.

"There's something else, isn't there? What is it Edward? Tell me!" she demanded. At any other time her determination would have amused me but there was absolutely nothing amusing about this scenario. I had promised never to lie to her again. I had to let her know_**. Oh Bella, please don't hate me for telling you this.**_

"Bella. It's Charlie. She has Charlie with him." _**Way to go Edward! Talk about an understatement!**_

"Charlie?" Bella's heart stopped. Hugging her closely I anticipated her reaction.

"Dad!!!!!!" she screamed as I felt her ineffective attempts to pull away from me.

"Bella no! Stay Still! It's not what you think …." How could I tell her about Charlie?

"She has my dad! I have to save him. Let me go!" Her struggles were stronger for a second but we both knew they were in vain. My arms would feel like bonds to her. If I chose not to allow her she would not be able to move.

This was the first time I had ever held Bella against her will and my dead heart broke at this knowledge. I only hoped that one day she would be able to understand why. Bella must have realized the futility of her attempts as all the fight left her body and her whole frame slumped against me.

"Dad! Dad!" she screamed before her voice became no more than a sob. I could smell the salt of the tears I knew would be pooling in her eyes. How I wished I could turn her around and kiss away those tears.

"Bella, they're here…" I said; my voice strained. As Victoria, Charlie and four other vampires came into my line of vision I knew it would be another few seconds before Bella would be able to see anything.

I heard the vampires closing in around us from all sides. At the same time Charlie's voice screamed at me again.

"_Did you hear me Edward? Give me some indication that you did. I will protect you as much as I can. I will make sure that Victoria doesn't get close to you. But keep me away from Bella. Please. Don't let me hurt my baby girl_. _I'm not strong enough to stay away, God I want that … so thirsty … smells so good…Nooo! Don't let me Edward! Destroy me if I get too close! Do you understand?_"

I nodded slightly to the right; just enough that Charlie would understand and then I braced myself for what was to come.

"_We're almost there Edward! I can see the vampires in front of us. There are four on your left, five on your right and then five behind you. Oh! Those have disappeared so I assume the wolves are behind you_."

There was still too much space between Bella and me. I felt she was too vulnerable like this. Besides, she would be forced to look to her father standing like this. I couldn't let her do that. Not yet.

"Bella?" I crooned softly, "I need you to turn and face me," I said gently as I slowly turned her around. Smiling at her, I kissed her forehead. "That's better," I continued, my hands moving slowly down her arms, resting at the crook of her elbows. "Now, place your arms around my neck, love." She did as I asked, her face a mask of confusion and fear. My arms slid lower, stopping at her hips. "Now, I'm going to lift you up and you need to wrap your legs around my waist." She nodded.

I lifted her up and her legs were soon fastened tightly around my waist. Much better! Now she was closer to me and it was easier for me to move if we had to. At the same time, I would shelter her from the sight ahead of us for as long as I could. Moving her head slightly so that her cheek was lying on my shoulder; her lips mere centimeters from my neck, I smiled. "There my love, I need you to stay just like this. Promise me you won't move; that you won't let go. No matter what you hear, or feel, do not loosen your grip on me. Promise?"

"I promise," she whispered, her hot breathe permeating the cold skin of my neck.

"_We're almost there son_!" Carlisle's voice was stronger now, closer. "_Just a few minutes more_."

"_Don't start the fight without me brother! I want some fun too_!" I smirked at that. Trust Emmett…

"_So much hate? Why on earth would she act this way? What has Bella ever done to her? Oh poor Charlie!" _Esme's thoughts were focused on how Bella was going to react when she saw the hand that fate had dealt her dad.

"_Edward! The ones to the left of you will move first, trying to distract you, to make you move from Bella_." As Alice's voice filled my head, I saw the scene unfold and I knew what to do to protect Bella. She would be safe. We would survive this first assault. "_That's good! Do exactly that and you will be ok_." Alice said, "_when we come through the clearing, Esme and I will come straight to you. We will stay with Bella so that you can fight. We can't remove her from the fight Edward. I've seen it. It's too dangerous. But I promise you this. No-one will hurt Bella on my watch. NO-ONE!_" her voice was louder in my head now, more forceful and more determined. I knew that even Charlie would be unable to get past Alice; my beautiful pixie sister. "_I love you Edward, stay calm. For her sake. For Bella_." Alice's thoughts were the last I heard, the last I concentrated on before focusing all my power to Victoria and the brood she had brought with her.

Kissing Bella softly on the head, I turned my face forward and braced myself for what was to come.

**Authors note: **Thanks again for reading this tale. I don't normally ask, but this chapter, if you could please review and let me know how I'm doing? What you think of the story so far and even if it's just to say you will keep on reading. Losing over 1000 people is quite daunting and so I'm anxious to know what you think.

Thanks!


	18. Chapter 18 Battle

**Authors Note: **I still don't own Twilight, SM does. I just get to play with ehr characters sometime.

Thanks to everyone who has stuck around with me. I hope the battle scene lives up to expectations. If you recall, it's Bella's birthday, Edward took her to the meadow to celebrate only to find out that Victoria was planning an attack...

**Previously …**

"_Edward! The ones to the left of you will move first, trying to distract you, to make you move from Bella_." As Alice's voice filled my head, I saw the scene unfold and I knew what to do to protect Bella. She would be safe. We would survive this first assault. "_That's good! Do exactly that and you will be ok_." Alice said, "_when we come through the clearing, Esme and I will come straight to you. We will stay with Bella so that you can fight. We can't remove her from the fight Edward. I've seen it. It's too dangerous. But I promise you this. No-one will hurt Bella on my watch. NO-ONE!_" her voice was louder in my head now, more forceful and more determined. I knew that even Charlie would be unable to get past Alice; my beautiful pixie sister. "_I love you Edward, stay calm. For her sake. For Bella_." Alice's thoughts were the last I heard, the last I concentrated on before focusing all my power to Victoria and the brood she had brought with her.

Kissing Bella softly on the head, I turned my face forward and braced myself for what was to come.

**Bella's POV**

I felt his lip slightly touch my head and I couldn't help but react. My heart sped as I inhaled the sent I had nicknamed "Essence of Edward", and yet at the same time I felt horror and terror.

"This is it, isn't it Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Hush my love. This isn't the end. Not for us. But Victoria won't be living much longer. I promise you that," his soft voice belied the hatred he felt for Victoria. "Now remember what I said, don't move and don't let go ok?"

"I … I promise." I said as I unconsciously tightened my grip on him. I couldn't help the shudder that ran through my body. I was scared. "You won't let her hurt Charlie right? Promise you will protect him."

"I'll do my best Bella," he said at the same time I felt myself floating. I heard the crack, like a baseball being hit from a bat and then felt air on my head at the same time I heard trees snapping. I moved my head slightly and gasped. There were three vampires close to us. I couldn't help but focus on their eyes; evil eyes that were bright red and full of horror, anger, determination and hatred. Two other creatures were further back and I realized Edward had struck out at the two closest to us, sending them flying backwards through the trees.

I felt myself being moved and at the same time that I heard the grating sound of metal being torn I felt a warm spray on my back. I closed my eyes tighter and held my breath. I couldn't help the trembling that began in my heart and soon raced through my limbs.

"There, Bella, you're fine. It's going to be ok," Edward said softly as he rubbed one hand on my back. "Nothing can hurt you baby. I promise you."

Fierce growls erupted in front of me. The wolves! I heard snapping, tearing and sometimes a yelp but I couldn't see anything. What was going on? Before I had the chance to ask Edward, I felt myself move again. This time the movements were a little choppier. I turned my head to see Edward toss something away and one of the vampires stagger slightly holding his left arm which seemed to be missing something. Was that the thing that Edward had tossed away?

"Edward? If you put me down you could fight better…" his arms wrapped tighter around me as his voice interrupted me.

"Not on your life Bella. You stay right where you are. The others are almost here; we will be fine until then."

"But… but Edward! They're getting closer! I know you would be able to handle them easier if you put me down. Don't get hurt on my account. Please! Put me down!" I begged as I tried in vain to let go.

"Bella stop!" he hissed. "You are making this more difficult. There is nothing on this earth that will make me release you right now. Please cooperate with me. You are just making this more difficult."

"But …" I knew it was hopeless. I felt the air again before I heard the cracking sound followed by a snarl. He was right. I was making it harder for him. I hated the thought that perhaps by distracting him I'd cause him to be injured. I vowed then not to move, not to do anything. Tightening my hold on him I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered.

All at once the noise seemed to increase in decibels. Right in front of me I could still hear the growls of the wolves; the screeching tear of metal and occasionally a yelp. I hope that none of the pack was hurt.

From somewhere to my right I heard an almighty cry; sounding just like Tarzan! What?!! Was I going crazy? And then Emmett came crashing through the trees and I couldn't help but laugh, although, this laughter was tinged with hysterics.

"Hush," Edward whispered, "it's ok. It's going to be ok."

Faster than my eyes could make it out, the clearing was suddenly filled with vampires. Friends and foe alike. Carlisle tossed what seemed to be a head close to the center of the clearing as he came closer. I could see that his sweater was in tatters and there were streaks of dirt and something else… could that be blood? No! Vampires didn't bleed. Did they?

Esme and Alice rushed over to where we were. I felt Edward slacken his hold on me. This just made me hold tighter. "Bella. I need to put you down now. Alice and Esme will be right here. Nothing will happen to you. But I need to help my family." As he spoke he began to loosen the death grip I had on him. I refused. "No! You promised! You won't leave me. You can't!" I heard my pitch increase, hysteria creeping into my voice. I was beginning to panic. "Don't leave me … please!"

"I'm not going anywhere Bella. I'll be right here. I just need to be able to use my limbs more effectively. I …" he snarled and again I felt a warm spray hit on my back at the same time I heard the screeching of metal and a keening sound behind me. Edward took no time in removing my hold from me. He placed me gently on the ground.

"Bella, listen to me," he said as he stared into my eyes. "You MUST stay right here. Do not move at all. Please. For my sake?" my heartbeat quickened as he stared deeply into my eyes.

I felt Alice take hold of my arms and move me slightly as Edward gave me once last kiss on my forehead and then moved away, towards the enemy. Alice gently made me sit on the ground and in my peripheral vision I saw Esme on one side of me and Alice on the other. My eyes never moved from Edward.

"He will be fine Bella, I've seen it." Alice said as she stood in a crouch defending me.

To the right of Alice I could see Jasper and Emmett fighting with 6 vampires. Emmett seemed to dive right into the midst of them and I heard a scream, some snarling and then the vicious tearing as Emmett pulled an arm from one of the creatures. I watched as that arm was pitched into the center of the clearing, next to where that head still lay.

Jasper, seemed to be doing some sort of dance. His steps would take him to the left, then the right and each time he moved some small object would fly into the center of the clearing. These objects would jerk and quiver as they lay in the pile. Some of them had pink tinges to them and I couldn't quite comprehend why this was. What did it mean? I watched as he pounced on the side of one of the bigger vampires and then ripped his teeth into the throat of the being. I heard the cry of a warrior erupt as he viciously tore apart the neck and then the torso of this creature.

I flinched as I saw three vampires converge on Edward. But he was too fast. Somehow he had managed to move at the very last second and was behind one of them. He grabbed the neck of one and then twisted. I heard a snapping sound and then the head joined the other limbs in the center of the clearing.

My eyes however were stuck on the body of this creature. There was a fine spray shooting from the neck of the being! Blood! My stomach turned at this. At the same time the creature refused to lie down. It was stumbling blindly, arms outstretched searching for something. Edward quickly snapped the legs from the body and it finally fell. However, I watched in horror as the torso began to pull itself across the ground using its arms.

A foot stamped down hard on the torso, stilling it even though the arms kept flailing. With a grunt, Rosalie pulled the arms from the sockets and then tossed them clear apart from the torso. Now the torso couldn't move, just jerk and spew blood. I watched; in macabre fascination, unable or unwilling to draw my gaze away.

"No!" Alice screamed and then snarled as she pounced at a girl moving fast towards me. I flinched as her body barreled into Alice. Alice bounced slightly but came away with a piece of the scalp trailing some hair from the being. The girl became furious and her snarling increased; hurting my ears. The piercing screams were becoming too much. I clasped my hands tightly on either side of my head, trying to protect my ears.

Alice dove again at the creature, this time pulling a chunk of flesh from the side of her neck. Pinkish blood began to ooze from the wound. I gasped.

The creature went to grab Alice, but she ducked at the last second and came away with another chunk of flesh. Each time, Alice would lunge, and pull part of the girl away and then return to remain between me and these creatures.

Once, I felt Esme move slightly on my other side. Her beautiful voice distorted by vicious snarls. I felt her tense and then spring. She knocked two creatures away and the beings fell close to Carlisle who then proceeded to dismember them. Before my brain had time to realize what was happening. Alice sprung over me, I heard a snap, a scream and a head rolled right in front of me. At the same time, a warm spray hit the side of my face. Esme was back and helped Alice to destroy the creature who had tried to sneak in behind her.

I brought my legs closer to me, drawing them further away from the head that was jerking no less than a few feet from me. Alice quickly moved and kicked the head so that it was further away from me.

"Thanks," I whispered.

I could feel liquid on my face, now cool as it slowly dripped down my neck. Lifting my sleeve I wiped my face and then gasped as I saw what it was. It was blood! It was definitely blood! My breaths became shallow and I could feel the blackness beginning to creep up on me.

"Breathe Bella, "Alice hissed at me as she threw a punch at another creature trying to get past her. "Just breathe."

I did, I spent a few minutes just breathing in and out until I felt I was in control and not about to pass out.

My eyes anxiously swept the clearing looking for Edward. I found him beside Carlisle, working together to destroy one of the creatures. I scanned his body, looking for any signs of injury but I couldn't see any. It didn't even look like his shirt had been torn. I sighed.

Behind me, the snarls of the wolves and the screeching of tearing metal had all but stopped. Their battle must be over, but it looked like ours was just beginning. Directly to the north a swarm of creatures came through the trees. There were about nine beings and I gasped out loud! Too many! This was going to be impossible. My heart broke.

"No I sobbed," I didn't want my family to be hurt.

My arms were wrapped around my knees and I felt myself beginning to rock slowly back and forth. As if this small movement would somehow afford me a measure of comfort.

Edward and Carlisle both turned to face the new creatures.

Although mere seconds had passed, it felt like the world had stopped moving as the last of the creatures came into the clearing. Victoria! I felt Alice's small hand in mine and for a second my eyes moved to her. I saw anguish and pain in her eyes. "What …" and then my eyes returned to Victoria. She stepped to the side and I saw him. My dad. But not my dad. This was a Charlie I didn't recognize.

This Charlie was squirming and snarling. His lips pulled back over his teeth and his body was bent into a crouching position. His eyes swiveled back and forth across the clearing before focusing on me. I saw him shudder and then open his mouth. "Belllllaaaaaaaaaaa!" he screamed and then tried to lunge.

Victoria laughed. "Not yet my love, just be patient" she said as she placed her arms on my dad.

I stood. Frozen. My eyes fastened on his. His deep red eyes.

I was aware of the movements of my family as they formed a line closer to me and making a definite barrier between me and my dad. "Don't." I begged.

Alice and Esme remained at my side, but Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Carlisle all fell back slightly so that they formed a semi circle in front of us. At the center of that circle was Edward.

"There are more coming," Alice hissed. "How she managed to hide that from me I'll never know." She sighed. "I'm sorry," she whispered and her shoulders seemed to sag in defeat.

"M.. more?" I stuttered, "there are more? How many?"

Before anyone could respond, I saw the creatures come from either side of the forest. Victoria and my … my … Charlie and another three vampires were in front and on either side of us were two groups of seven. So that meant there were 19 enemy vampires! Even I knew that the odds were impossible.

I went to move. I wanted to be with Edward. If I was going to die today, I wanted to be with him.

"Don't move Bella," he said, not looking at me. "Stay exactly where you are." Edward's voice was hard and brooked no argument. Esme and Alice had moved closer and their hands were wrapped, vice-like on my arms. I had no choice, I would not be able to move.

"Victoria," he said, his voice hard and devoid of any emotion. "You came back. And I see you brought a new playmate." He said as he nodded towards … him. I flinched at the callousness in his voice. "Too bad you won't be around long enough to enjoy him."

"Edward," she said. Her voice melodic and sweet, not at all like I had imagined it would be. "You don't have to die today, I just want the girl. Hand her over and you can leave."

He laughed.

"Now, now don't be like that. Do you really want to see your coven destroyed needlessly over some pathetic human girl?" she sneered.

Edwards's hands tightening were the only indication that her words had bothered him. He said nothing. I imagined his eyes were boring into hers.

The tension in the air crackled. High above me I could see the storm clouds rolling in. I felt the temperature drop and the wind begun to pick up. I saw Alice squirm and move her head to the side. She was perhaps seeing something I could not. A small gleam appeared in her eye and then Edward slightly nodded.

Small movements made me realize the creatures were moving out slowly, meaning to surround us. Even I knew that if they were able to do that, things would be much harder for us.

Alice's hand slowly slipped from mine as both she and Esme took a defensive position. The rest of the Cullen's seemed to straighten and then became more formidable looking.

Carlisle spoke for the first time. His voice was loud; full of authority. "It doesn't have to be like this. We don't want to destroy you, but we will if we have to. You don't have to live like this, there are other ways to exist," he said as his eyes moved over the new creatures.

Victoria just laughed.

"Charlie, this is not how you want Bella to remember you is it? You don't want to do this Charlie. Please. We don't want to hurt you." I imagined his eyes were now focused solely on Charlie.

My eyes flickered to my dad. He just snarled. His face was wild and for the first time in my life I was afraid of my own father. A small sob escaped from my lips. Victoria's stare pierced me.

"What's wrong Beh-la," she said, in a high pitched girly voice, mocking me. "I thought you liked vampires. Don't you like your daddy anymore? Isn't he cute enough for you now?" As she said that she grabbed Charlie and brought him to the front of the group. She grabbed his face and with her ugly tongue she licked upside his face before kissing him full on the mouth. Her hands cupped his ass and then as she turned to face me again one of her hands ran across the front of the jeans he was wearing. I felt the heat rise in my face as she began to fondle him through the materials. My body was trembling and it took all the strength I had to not react. Somehow I knew that my reaction is what she wanted.

"Oh Beh-la," she sighed, "don't you like me? Can't I be your new mommy?" She feigned hurt as I stared at her. "I'm so much better for you than Renee ever was."

Without thinking I stepped forward and at the same time Charlie, Edward Esme and Alice all snarled.

"Enough!" Victoria screamed. "Last chance Edward. Hand over the girl or you all die here now."

"Then I guess we die!" he shouted as he leapt. His body crashed into two of the vampires who had been slowly edging their way closer to me. At the same time, I saw Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Carlisle all pounce into the fray. My eyes couldn't decipher the actions fast enough to keep up with what was happening.

Body parts flew from the fray. I could only hope that these parts belonged to the others and not to my family. My eyes scanned the battle scene looking for Edward. He was still ok. Carlisle had taken down another creature and was pulling the being limb from limb. Spurts of blood were coming from the body that quivered at his feet.

Rosalie was tangled with a creature with long blonde hair. She would punch the creature; the creature would fall back, hiss, snarl and then lunge again. Clumps of blonde hair flew around the clearing. It was clear that Rosalie was going to win this battle, as slowly each time the creature lunged the screeching I equated to torn metal would fill the air and small parts of torn flesh would be thrown away.

Alice and Esme would only move long enough to destroy any being foolish enough to come towards me. I felt bad. I knew that they would much prefer to be fighting with their mates.

Edward seemed to be doing a dance with Victoria and Charlie. _Charlie! Oh my God! Charlie and Edward were fighting._ My body began to heave as I realized this would not end well. My eyes were glued to Edward as he moved slightly each time Victoria or Charlie moved towards him. I hoped his ability to hear their thoughts would keep him safe.

The scream from Rose as she shouted on Emmett drew my eyes from Edward to where I'd last seen Emmett. He was trapped; surrounded by five vampires, his eyes quickly moving from each creature to see which one he was going to attack first.

I scanned frantically around the clearing. Each Cullen was caught up in their own battle and no-one was able to help him.

"Alice. You have to help Emmett. He needs you." I said.

"No!" Alice shouted as she lunged and kicked at a small boy running towards us. "I need to stay here with you."

"But he needs help!"

Emmett's roar filled my ears, at the same time Rose's cries of "No" did.

"Please Alice, I'm begging you. Help your brother. Leave me. I'm not worth it," I sobbed.

I looked at Emmett, he tried valiantly to escape but it was useless. He had torn one of the arms from one of the creatures, but there were just too many. I cringed as I watched him battle determinedly, even though he had to know he couldn't win. Within seconds he was pinned between two creatures. I saw the fury in Emmett's eyes as he realized this was it for him. My heart broke. I heard him shout that he loved Rose, and at the same time that I saw one of the males open his mouth to tear at Emmetts throat I saw a furry bundle fly through the air and attack the creature. What would have been a fatal blow for Emmett now just tore and some of his skin. He didn't ooze any fluids.

Jake!

It was only then that I realized the thunder I thought I heard was actually the paws of the great wolves that had now joined the battle. This evened things out more.

Some of the creatures stopped, and seemed to be confused. They watched as others were torn apart by the huge jaws of the wolves. Fear began to replace the rage they had and some tried futilely to escape.

My eyes flew back to Edward. His shirt was gone. What had happened? He looked unhurt and I heard the melodic tone as he continued to talk to Victoria.

"Come now, this is what you've been waiting for. This is as close to Bella as you will ever get." He sung to her as he slowly moved forward. For each step he took forward, Victoria took one back.

Edward laughed.

"I'm afraid not Victoria. These wolves will not harm us. We have you to thank for that. You gave us a common enemy. You."

I knew she must have thought the wolves were going to attack the Cullen's too.

"No!" Edward's voice was loud and cold as steel. "I can't let you do that. You will not be leaving here today Victoria. Your time with your toy-boy is up." He said sneeringly as he nodded towards Charlie.

Charlie snarled at Edward and moved a step closer.

_Oh nononononono_! I thought. As much as I loved Edward I didn't want him to fight with Charlie. No good could come of this.

Victoria snarled but still continued to move backwards, putting Charlie closer to Edward. Both Edward and Charlie began to hiss and snarl. The noises were inhuman and made me realize how horrific these people could be.

Victoria's head snapped up and she looked behind her. Rosalie and Jasper had moved in on either side. She was trapped. She turned back to Edward with a look of pure hatred and fury! She lunged at him at the same time Charlie did.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**" I screamed as I watched in slow motion Edward and Charlie moving towards each other, both crouched for a battle.

However, I was shocked when I saw Charlie tug at Victoria's hair as she too leapt at Edward. His movement caused her neck to be exposed to Edward. Edward didn't hesitate; his teeth ravaged her throat and he pulled her head clean off her neck. Spitting out what I could only assume was a piece of her flesh he then turned away from Charlie and began to attack two vampires who had crept up behind him.

Charlie began to pull apart Victoria's body. Once he was sure that Victoria was no longer a threat, Charlie looked at me. He snarled a little and then sat down. His head fell between his hands and he didn't move. A small grey wolf blocked him from me.

"Dad! Leave him! He's not bad! Don't hurt him," I screamed as I began to run. Alice's arms were around me and I knew it was futile.

"Bella, trust me. He will be fine. The wolves won't hurt him. They are protecting him." She whispered softly to me.

"Pro …protecting him? From whom?" I asked, utterly confused.

"From himself," she replied, a hint of sadness in her voice.

The fight seemed to leave the newborns once Victoria had been destroyed and it was an easy task for the Cullen's and the wolves to destroy the remaining members. At some point my knees had given out again and I was on the ground. I sat there, just staring at my dad. The wolf in front of him seemed to be sitting, watching but not harming Charlie. Occasionally Charlie would shudder, snarl and the wolf would growl. Not once though did either try to attack the other.

Once every creature had been destroyed the wolves and the Cullen's ran back and forth into the forest adding pieces of flesh to the growing pile of limbs in the middle of the clearing. Once every piece had been picked up, and twigs added to the pile, Carlisle and Emmett set the pile alight and purple clouds soon arose from the pyre.

It was as if I was watching this scene unfold from a distance.

Edward slowly walked over to Charlie, knelt and spoke to him. Charlie shook his head and then Carlisle soon joined Edward. Edward looked at me, smiled and then began to walk towards me. I stumbled to my feet with Esme gently helping me. I began to walk towards Edward, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.

"E..ed..ward," I exclaimed as I felt his strong arms wrap around me. My body began to shake as the horrors of the past hour began to catch up to me. "Are… are you o .. ok?" I stuttered.

"Oh Bella, I'm fine," he whispered as he peppered my hair with soft kisses.

Jasper, Emmett and Rose had joined Carlisle beside Charlie and then Charlie slowly got to his feet and then I saw him run into the forest with them.

"No! Charlie! Come back!" I yelled, beating my fists against Edward's chest as I tried to get away. "Don't leave, come back!"

"Bella, hush now," Edward crooned softly as he hugged me tighter. "He had to go now. It wasn't safe. Not for him and not for you. They will take him to Denali for a while until we can figure something out. It will be ok."

"What do you mean, not safe? I don't understand?"

As I spoke I saw Sam and Jake return to the clearing in human form. I hadn't realized that the wolves had already disbursed.

"Thank you. For everything." Carlisle said as he clasped Sam's hand in-between both of his. "You saved my family today, and for that I will be eternally grateful."

Sam just nodded.

Jake came to me; an undefined look in his eyes. "Bells? You doing ok?" he asked.

I turned my head to face him. I couldn't speak I just stared. Tears soon filled my eyes and splashed down my cheek.

"Oh honey! It's going to be ok. No-one got hurt, and finally we got to have some fun," he said. I was grateful to him for trying to lighten the mood, even though he'd failed.

"But, Charlie …" I began, and then stopped. I didn't know what to say.

"We need to talk about Charlie, and the treaty if you have a minute Sam," Carlisle said. "We would like to make sure that Charlie is considered family under the treaty. He chose to side with us today and helped destroy the brood that came to harm us and the people of Forks."

"Where is he now?" Sam asked.

"My sons and daughter have taken him to our family in Denali. They are vampires, but maintain a similar lifestyle to us. Charlie will be shown that there is another way to live. He has already said he has no intentions of killing a human. He is no threat to you." Carlisle said.

"I see," Sam said, "I will need to discuss this with the elders, and then we can meet again to talk about this."

"I understand," Carlisle said. "Please ask your elders to remember Charlie did not ask for this, and remind them of the man he used to be. Charlie is a good man and will never be a threat to anyone."

Sam just nodded. "If there is nothing else, then we need to return to La Push."

"Of course," Carlisle said. "We will ensure that the fire is dealt with."

Sam began to turn away when Carlisle's voice stopped him. "Again, please know how grateful we are for everything you did today. I have no doubt that we would have all died today had you not chosen to help out when you did."

Again, Sam just nodded slightly and then ran into the forest. Jake hugged me once, nodded to Edward and then ran to follow him.

Alice came up to me, looked at Edward but I couldn't hear anything that she was saying. Everyone turned to look at me, but I couldn't understand why. All I could hear was a ripping sound. Someone, somewhere was banging something. Hard.

"I think she's going into shock," Edward said, his voice full of anxiety.

"Let's get her home and get her warm. Quick!" Carlisle said.

I felt Edward pick me up and begin to run. "Stay with me Bella, it's going to be ok."

"I'm ok, Edward, I don't know why I'm shaking…" I stuttered, the blackness began to creep up again. "Edward …"

**Authors Note: **So there you have it. What did you think? For this chapter, more than any other I want to know what you think. Oh and I guess I need to explain, I took some liberties with SM's newborns. In the Twilight books she mentioned that a newborn is stronger in the first year as its body burns up its own source of blood. In my mind, that means when you tear apart a newborn it is possible to spill some blood. Hope you don't mind my artistic interpretation.

Next chapter is almost complete and will be up within the week. I promise.


	19. Chapter 19 Aftermath

**Authors Note:** As always, I don't own any of the characters in this story, the wonderful SM does. I just own this wee plot.

I picked up some new readers over the last couple of chapters. So thank you for not only finding my story but for choosing to read it too. And if you took the time out to review? I love ya for it!

I hope you enjoy this chapter....

**Previously..**

Everyone turned to look at me, but I couldn't understand why. All I could hear was a ripping sound. Someone, somewhere was banging something. Hard.

"I think she's going into shock," Edward said, his voice full of anxiety.

"Let's get her home and get her warm. Quick!" Carlisle said.

I felt Edward pick me up and begin to run. "Stay with me Bella, it's going to be ok."

"I'm ok, Edward, I don't know why I'm shaking…" I stuttered, as the blackness began to creep up again. "Edward …"

**EPOV**

As Bella lost consciousness I felt the panic creep up on me. What would she think of all that had happened here today? What would she think about Charlie? Would she be happy for him? Knowing that he was still alive; if doomed to exist as a monster could be called living? Or would she hate him now? Would she hate me?

As I began to run with her, the heavens opened and the rain began to fall. Curving my body as I ran, I tried to protect Bella's limp form from the harshness of the falling rain. It was futile and I watched in despair as the raindrops left welts on her delicate skin. I pondered the choices; do I slow down and allow her to get wet but not stung from the drops? Or do I keep this speed up, knowing that the raindrops would feel like she was on the back of her motorcycle driving in the rain?

"It would be better if you got her home faster Edward. She can't even feel the sting of the rain." Alice's thoughts clear in my mind. "Take her to bathroom in Esme's room. The tub there is deeper and it will be the quickest way to warm her."

As I entered the house I ran straight to the bathroom. After turning on the water I finally had the chance to focus solely on Bella. She looked so pale, and so peaceful. I felt saddened to realize that in mere minutes, that peaceful look would be shattered and replaced with pain.

"Bella?" I whispered as I softly kissed her forehead. "Bella, can you open your eyes? Please come back to me. I need you Bella. Please" I begged.

I felt her heart speed up at the same time Alice's thoughts pieced my mind.

"Bella will open her eyes in 15 seconds Edward. She won't want to let you go. I'm almost at the house, I'll come straight up. Until then just hold her and talk to her."

I felt a soft shudder run through Bella's body. "Hush my love, it's ok. Everything will be alright." How I hated to lie to her like that. How could anything be alright again? I feared for her reaction to the events of the day.

"Ed … Edward," she whispered as her eyes fluttered. She looked frantically around the room. "Where am I? What happened? What …" and then as her heart began to speed up I felt the tremors get stronger in her body. She gulped and then stared at me.

"Bella? Talk to me!" Fear began to creep through me. Bella was staring at me but not saying anything. Her eyes, which were usually the windows to her soul, seemed empty and devoid of all emotions. Her body continued to tremble but no words came across her lips.

I heard the thoughts of my family shortly before they entered the house. Alice and Esme came straight to the room, but Carlisle detoured to his study. I heard him think of how Bella was when he first saw her again at the same time as I saw the pictures of her in his mind.

"No …," I whispered, shocked at the similarity of the Bella in Carlisle's' mind and the one in my arms. "Bella, please look at me!"

There was no response. Bella had reverted into her catatonic state.

Once Esme and Alice reached the room, I attempted to hand Bella to Alice so that she could remove her bloody clothing and then put her in the bath. The reaction from Bella was immediate and shocking in it's violence.

"No!" she screamed as her arms clamped around my neck. Pushing herself further into my body, the tremors increased in time with the staccato of her heart. "No! Don't leave me. Not again!" Her voice was panicked.

"Hush Bella, I'm not leaving, I'll be right outside …"

"Noooooooooooo!" her scream pierced my heart. I realized that her reaction was as much to do with my abandoning her before as it was to do with the events of today. Each tremor from her body reverberated through my own; sending waves of guilt through me. What an evil monster I was to have put her through this!

"Edward, she has been through so much. Don't leave," Esme thought as she gently stroked Bella's hair.

"What am I supposed to do Esme? I can't very well stay her while you bathe her," I snapped.

"Just get in the tub with her. Let's get her warm first. We can worry about the logistics of bathing her after. Just get her calm first."

I kicked off my shoes and then stepped into the bathtub, Bella tightly latched to me. As I submerged myself into the water I drew Bella towards me. I forced my body to relax against the side of the tub, and felt Bella mimic my reaction. Soon I felt the tension drain from her arms and they fell from around my neck into the water. I kept my arms wrapped around her.

I could feel Bella's skin begin to warm up from the heat of the water. She sighed softly but her tremors didn't abate.

Her eyes were staring at me, but there was no depth to be found in them. Just a blank, vacant stare.

I gently began to rock her, as I hummed her lullaby. I hoped that she would find this soothing enough to come back to me from wherever she had retreated to in her mind.

"How is she Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"She is catatonic Carlisle. I'm afraid for her." I whispered softly, speaking so low as not to disturb this beauty in my arms.

I heard through his thoughts, that this was only to be expected. He opened his mind to me so that I could see the mental images of my Bella in the hospital when they first returned to Forks. Her delicate frame, so pale, so fragile would be burned on my mind for all eternity. Seeing her in his mind like that, seemed so much worse that the vivid picture images of her lying on the forest floor that fateful night. How could I have done that to her? Any of that?

"Carlisle?" I asked, my voice broken, "will she hate me?" I cringed at the tone; sounding so scared and young. I sounded like a child.

Carlisle moved closer to me, his hand resting on my shoulder.

"Hush son. Bella is the most caring and loving individual I have ever met. I do not believe she has the capability to hate you for anything. Today was just more than she was willing to comprehend. The human mind is an amazing machine Edward. She was unable to fully digest the horrors that she faced and so she has retreated to her 'safe place' until she can face these new demons." As he spoke his hands fluttered softly on her head and face.

"I don't know what to do Carlisle. I don't know how to fix this," I said, my voice breaking. For once I had no words. Nothing.

"I know," his eyes bore into mine, his voice full of compassion. "Just be there Edward. Let her come back to you when she is ready."

Alice brought over a brush and began to comb her hair as I held my angel. Rocking gently my eyes began to wander her body, to ensure she was unharmed. Her skin was so pale, the blue threads of her veins even more stark against her delicate skin. I could see the movement of the blood through her main artery as it pulsed in its own natural rhythm. That movement, added to the sound of Bella's heartbeat was all that kept me from panicking. Each time I looked into Bella's eyes I was terrified.

"Bella, I love you," I whispered, "please come back to me. I need you."

On and on I rocked with her gently. Alice would continually let out some of the water in the tub and replacing it with fresh hot water. I knew that the water was cooling down quicker than it would normally, my monstrous ice cold frame would see to that. How despicable I was! I couldn't even maintain a decent temperature to help my love!

"Stop it!" Alice hissed at me, her eyes filled with fury. "I will not have you thinking that way Edward. You are not a monster. **WE** are not monsters! This is not the time to be wallowing Edward. This is the time for you to show Bella that you are and always will be there for her. Stop berating yourself for something that wasn't your fault. You know that will just upset her more."

I just nodded. Alice was right. If I were to show my guilt to Bella this would upset her.

Bella's heart began to race. "Bella love, can you hear me?" I whispered as I peppered her hair with soft kisses. "It's ok baby. You are safe. We're all safe, please come back."

No response.

"Edward we need to wash her up now, so that we can get her dry and somewhere warm and comfortable." Esme said. As soon as I begun to move Bella gently away from me, her heart sped up again and the trembling in her slight frame became more violent.

"No…no…no…noooooooooooooooo!" she screamed. Over and over she screamed. Her fingers trembled, but she locked them hard on my shoulders. "Please don't…" she croaked.

"What do I do?"

"Edward, you will just need to remain in the tub," Esme replied, "It's clear she is aware of when you are and are not close to her. We will just work around you."

"But Esme! You can't! You cannot undress her with me here."

"Edward! You listen and you listen well! Bella needs to be bathed. She obviously doesn't want you to leave. You can avert your eyes son! I don't care how uncomfortable this makes you, this isn't about you, and we will do what ever it takes to make Bella feel comfortable."

"It just doesn't seem right to undress her with me here," I began, then stopped. I knew Esme was right. This wasn't about me, this was about Bella. If I was being honest with myself, I just hated the fact that I felt excited about the chance to have Bella's warm pliable skin next to mine. Thus proving yet again what an insidious and selfish monster I was!

"We'll keep her underwear on Edward," Alice said softly, "it will just be like she is wearing a bikini. I know Bella won't mind, Edward. She will be grateful that you put aside your own reservations and focused on her."

They were right. I nodded slightly.

Alice and Esme made quick work of Bella's clothes. Ripping the shirt and jeans from her body and discarding the wet rags on the floor. Alice removed her shoes and socks and added them to the pile on the floor. Using soft flannel cloths and a lavender scented shower gel Esme and Alice began to gently massage Bella's tender skin.

In my arms Bella sighed and I felt some of the tension ooze out of her. I felt my own body mimic hers as I too sighed. Her cheeks were slowly beginning to fill with color again. A soft peaches and cream complexion replaced the pallor she once held, her heart was still beating faster than normal but it was no longer erratic. She seemed to be calming down.

I just stared into her eyes, as my left hand softly stroked her cheek. I couldn't help but adore the way her warm skin felt pressed against mine. Her spine was slightly curved as she leaned against me, and the bareness of her skin was just indescribable. Each point where her skin touched mine inflamed me. She branded me!

In my peripheral view, I could see the matching bra and panty set that Bella was wearing. It was exquisite. So simple: so beautifully understated: so Bella. The material was a soft satin set in my favorite shade of blue. The edges of the bra and panties had a lace edging and a small blue stain bow was in the center of material, enhancing Bella's slight cleavage. My eyes couldn't help but notice the goose bumps on her skin and how her nipples were raised. Her … oh my god! Was I just thinking about Bella's body like that? How could I? Arrgh! I truly was damned.

"_Edward, I need you to sit slightly forward so that I can wash her hair._" Alice's thoughts broke through my mental tirade. Moving slightly, I made it easier for Alice to be able to massage her scalp.

"Make sure you don't get any suds in her eyes Alice," I hissed at her. She just rolled her eyes.

"OK Edward, it's time to get her out of the tub. If you just stand on the mat with her, I figure Alice and I can drape her in these towels, protecting her modesty while we take off her undergarments, dry her and get her in some warm clothes." Esme said, and I was grateful for her fast thinking.

Within minutes Bella was dry, had fresh clothes on and was safely tucked in my arms in her own bed. My frame wrapped around her, holding her close to me. Like this I felt safe again, and I could only hope that somewhere deep inside, Bella felt the same way.

Alice lay on the other side of Bella, facing her and gently stroking her face. As I began to hum Bella's melody Alice began a complex harmony and together we sang through Bella.

Outside a storm was raging, the thunder began to roar and the heavens rained down on us. Lightening began to light up the sky and I couldn't help but remember Bella's words at the funeral. If God cried over the death of a man such as Charlie, then this storm was his fury at the cruel hand fate had dealt him. A bolt of lightening struck a tree in the forest mere miles from our house and I felt the ground tremble.

The rain lashed at the window, seeking a way in. Bella trembled slightly as the second crash of thunder shook the house. "Hush love, everything is fine," I whispered. My eyes glanced up to meet Alice's, I felt awful for lying to Bella. How could things ever be alright for her again?

"Bella won't see it that way. She will be happy to have Charlie back Edward. You know she won't care that he is a vampire. As long as he is alive, that is all that will matter to her."

"How do you know Alice?" I asked my voice full of fear and doubt. Somehow I felt like Alice and I were two siblings who snuck out of bed to comfort each other during the storm; little kids who used this time to spill our deepest darkest fears. I was unsure of myself and scared as hell over what Bella would now think and see when she looked at me. She had been forced to watch me and my family resort to the animalistic side of us; the brutal feral side that we tried so hard to hide from others.

"You need to give her more credit than that Edward! She has always known what we are, what our nature is." Alice argued, "Besides, she will realize that we had no choice. She won't hate us for what happened. She loves us."

"I hope so Alice, I truly do."

"You can bet on that!"

As the hours passed, the storm kept up its violent torrent outside the window. Inside the room, Alice and I lay in silence, just listening to the rhythmic beating of Bella's heart and her breathing soothed me. Every now and then Bella would begin to tremble, and I would hold her tighter, rocking her gently until the terrors she was seeing would abate. Time passed slowly. Every minute she remained in this catatonic state was torture for me.

As night fell, an eerie silence fell upon the house. The storm had moved on. I could hear Esme and Carlisle wandering about downstairs. Both were anxious about Bella's state of being, and of Charlie. Emmett had called in an hour ago to let them know they were well on their way to Denali. After they left the meadow, Rose had ran home to pick up the jeep while Emmett and Jasper made sure that Charlie didn't try to break way.

Charlie, in shock at everything that had transpired was confused, angry and felt betrayed. If I thought he hated me before, I knew that those feelings would manifest a thousand fold now that Charlie knew exactly what kind of monster I was.

Bella's breathing changed, becoming more shallow and her heart rate increased.

"Carlisle," I whispered, knowing he would hear me. I heard his footsteps and then saw him in the doorway, Esme hovering closely behind him.

Carlisle slowly approached the bed frame. Alice slipped from the bed allowing him to have access to Bella. His fingers danced lightly over her head before clasping one of her hands.

"Bella, how are you feeling? Are you thirsty?" he asked.

Bella just shook her head. I felt her pull slightly away but as I began to panic at the thought she didn't want me near hear, I felt her hand searching for mine. Her fingers locked around mine as she sat herself up in the bed.

"I … I … I don't know what to think," she stammered. "What happened? Where is everyone? Is everyone ok? Emmett? Jasper? Rose? Jake? Oh my god! Jake!! Jake! Is he … where … what…" she gasped. Silence. "Charlie!"

Her heart was racing and her eyes were wide as saucers. Esme rushed past Carlisle to embrace Bella in a motherly hug. "Oh Bella, it's ok. No-one is hurt. I was so scared for you. I am so glad you came back to us." Esme's frame shook and I knew that if she could she would be crying.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched my beautiful brace Bella console Esme. Her eyes flickered around the room before resting on mine. She smiled as her eyes found me. She smiled at me!

I let out the breath I never knew I was holding. I hadn't realized I was waiting on her reaction to seeing me again. I had braced myself for her disgust and yet once again she had proved me wrong.

"Edward, are you ok?" she asked. I just smiled and nodded.

Over the next hour we talked about what had happened in the meadow. Alice was distraught over the fact that she wasn't able to warn us enough. Bella of course, was having none of it. She was just happy that none of her family was hurt.

Alice was smug in the fact Bella was ecstatic to know that Charlie was still alive. She didn't care that he was a vampire. She just wanted to talk to him, and she wasn't happy when she realized that it would be some time before she would be able to see him again. She didn't put up as much of a fight as I thought she would. I think seeing all those crazed newborns in the meadow made her realize how raw and savage Charlie would be for a while. Carlisle was a genius when he told her that it would be so much harder for Charlie to be around Bella than it would anyone else. This finally made Bella realize that it was better all around for her to wait.

We called Emmett several times, but Charlie didn't want to speak. Emmett told Bella that Charlie was unharmed, he was confused right now and a little scared, but that he loved her. This helped ease Bella's mind a little but she made it clear Charlie had 48 hours to get used to the idea. After that, he better be ready to talk to her.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the spitfire she was; my little tiger kitten.

Jake called around 8pm and we were now sitting in the front room waiting for him to arrive.

"Eat love," I said.

"I'm not hungry Edward."

"But you need to eat. Please?"

"Maybe later," she said, "just not right now."

"_Leave her Edward, she has a lot on her mind_." Esme's thoughts chastised me.

"They're here," said Alice, as she helped Bella to her feet. Holding Bella's hand she skipped to the front door. "Lighten up Edward," she said so softly that Bella wouldn't hear.

Bella's laughter at Alice's skipping antics made me realize how right Alice was. Again.

"Bells!" Jake shouted as he ran up the stairs. "you really are alive then eh? You sleep like the dead!" I growled slightly as he picked her up and crushed him to her. He kissed her on the cheek and then winced slightly as Juliette chastised him for leaving her in the car.

Bella snorted.

"First rule of marriage Jake, always always tend to your own wife first," Alice said laughingly as she skipped past him, slapping his arm on the way, as she hugged Juliette before dragging her to the house. "Come on! Esme has been cooking all evening. I hope you're hungry!"

Carlisle joined Bella on the front step, and invited Jake to join him in his study.

"No!" Bella exclaimed. "If you are going to talk about what happened, about Charlie then I want to be there too. I have a right to know what's going on with my dad!"

"She's right dear," Esme said as walked to stand beside Carlisle. "There shouldn't be any secrets here. Why don't we get the business side out of the way so we girls can enjoy the visit?"

Everyone followed Esme and Carlisle into the front room.

"Where are the others?" Jake asked.

"On their way to Denali," Carlisle replied. "Charlie will be safe there; he will have time to adjust to his new life without endangering any humans."

"I see." Jake said. He looked towards Bella and seemed to hesitate. I saw in his mind his question and I couldn't help the snarl from escaping my mouth.

"Edward! Stop!" Bella said her hand on my forearm. "What's wrong?"

Jake looked directly at me, gave a little shrug then looked only at Bella. "Edward is upset with my thoughts. He doesn't want me to ask this, but you know me Bells, when have I ever hid anything from you?"

"Just ask Jake, how bad can it be?" she said.

"Well, you might not like the answer Bella," he stated as he looked first at me then at Carlisle. "Carlisle, the pack need to know if Charlie has killed anyone, and what steps are being taken now to ensure the safety of the humans surrounding your Denali coven."

"I understand Jake, it's a fair question. And to be honest, I don't know if and how many people Charlie may have killed during the time that he was with Victoria. When he was changed, his baser instincts should have taken over. His natural want would be to kill and drain a human. Victoria is not like my family, she did feed from humans, I'm sure she would have tried to insist that Charlie did likewise."

Jake moved as if to speak but Carlisle raised his hand.

"Jake, please understand, Charlie could have killed Bella today if he had wanted to. But he didn't. He made it clear to Edward through his thoughts, what Victoria intended to do, and he did everything to ensure that she was unsuccessful. Once Victoria was no longer a threat to Bella, Charlie chose to sit down and allow the pack to destroy him. No matter what he did in the months after he was changed, he will not kill anyone now. He will learn of our lifestyle and be given the choice to live like us or move away. I am certain that he will choose to live like us. Charlie has never been an evil man. His actions today prove how much value he places on the lives of humans. Give him a chance Jacob. He will never be a threat to the people of Forks or your tribe."

Jake just nodded. "Sam agrees with you Carlisle. If you are willing to take full responsibility for Charlie's actions…"

"We do, Charlie is now part of our family."

Jake nodded, "then that being said, the elders have agreed that the treaty remains intact and that provided that Charlie chooses your lifestyle and is no threat to humans then he will be considered to be part of your family."

Bella flung herself into Jakes arms and burst into tears.

"Ooof.. Bells! Better watch out! My Juliette has a feisty temper; you might make her mad with these advances your making on me." His voice was full of amusement, but I saw his thoughts, I knew he was concerned and touched at her reaction. He chose to keep it light to make is easier on Bella. I'd never admit this out loud, but I was beginning to warm up to this pup.

Bella snorted, slapped him on the chest before moving. "Sorry," she said, her face blushing.

"S'ok, I still love ya!" Jake responded, "but if you don't mind I'm starving and I really want to see what Esme has baked for me." He kissed Bella chastely on the cheek before helping her stand and then pulling Juliette up from the couch. "Why don't the three of us demolish whatever goodies Esme has cooked up? Seeing as the pixie is on KP duty tonight I'll try not to dirty too many dishes," he winked as he walked by Alice.

"You better hurry up Juliette, you need to eat fast so that we can begin to talk about your wedding. You will let me help you won't you?" Alice asked as she joined Juliette and Jake in the kitchen.

"I dunno pixie, are you going to make her dress in black?" Jake asked as grabbed a plate and began ladling food onto it.

Alice just stuck out her tongue at him.

I watched Bella as she slowly let go of my hand to grab a plate and begin to fill it with some food. She seemed less anxious now that it was certain that Charlie was in no danger from the wolves. Her eyes began to sparkle and her cheeks retained some of the color from her blush. She looked alive for the first time since I had returned. Somewhere deep inside a spark had been lit. I felt hope for us for the first time.

The next few hours were spent discussing everything from baseball, to their wedding, the bridal shower and some of the Quileute wedding customs. Juliette was gracious enough to allow Alice to help her with the bridal shower, the bachelorette party and Alice promised to keep it sedate and not ostentatious.

Before Juliette and Jake left for the evening Carlisle took Jake aside and tried to thank him for saving Emmett. Jake just brushed off his thanks and said anyone would have done the same.

After our visitors had left for the evening I walked into the kitchen to help Alice and Bella clear up. Snaking my arms around Bella's waist I peppered her hair with kisses. "You alright love?" I asked.

"Never been better," she replied.

"Kids?" Carlisle began as he walked into the kitchen, his arms enclosing Emse. "We are going to leave now for Denali. Now that I know Charlie will be considered as part of the family and the treaty intact I want to help him adjust to his new life."

I felt Bella relax against me as Carlisle said that. I knew she would feel much better knowing that Charlie had someone like Carlisle to help him. I looked at my father and hoped that my eyes conveyed everything that I was feeling.

He smiled. "As soon as we arrive, we will send back Jasper and perhaps Emmett and Rose too."

"How long will you be gone?" Bella asked.

"I'm not sure, I want to see how Charlie is coping, and I'll take it from there." He replied.

"Thank you," she whispered, "For everything." She walked to Esme and then to Carlisle, hugging them both before saying "I'll miss you. Please let my dad know I love him, and I want to talk to him soon."

"We'll miss you too dear," Esme said, "Try not to let these kids exhaust you too much."

Shortly after Carlisle and Esme left, Bella and I retreated for the evening as Alice began to make plans for Juliette's bachelor party. Clasping my arms around Bella, I kissed her softly on the nose, eyes and finally her mouth.

"I love you …" she whispered as she slowly began to drift towards sleep.

"I love you too…"

**End Note: ** Ok you know the deal, you tell me what you think I and then I will write what I want ;-p Thanks for reading!


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